A Narcissist is only as strong as what we allow and what we believe and EVRYTHING is basically a lie to support his/her inflated world.
A Narcissist is only as strong as what we allow and what we believe and EVRYTHING is basically a lie to support his/her inflated world. The biggest lie was that word they loosely used or love! They do not know love, feel love, or reciprocate with the love you and I know.
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
That grandiose, omnipotent and false self is nothing but a concocted and ever changing role or façade the Narcissist creates so that they fit into our world like puzzle pieces. They create different roles to match the needs of the next AND the next person that they are conning into their world. We are only a reflection in the Narcissist’s many mirrors that reflect that grand image back to them and makes them feel real. The Narcissist is incapable of feeling, or experiencing emotions, love, growth or any human dynamic that involves any type of relationship with another. Relationships to them are a means to an end and that is basically extracting supply or conning people into believing they are real participants in a relationship so the Narcissist can extort what they can OR use a particular person to gain something that they need. The Narcissist has fully mastered this dynamic or process of conning the world with the ever-changing charades they play with life because the payoff is huge and the only way they can survive in the REAL world. Their image is also important in this process so they APPEAR to be normal, moral and good because they have to keep their personal demons at bay through their projection or the real ugly projection that defines them! They are really great actors that take on whatever role will benefit them the most as far as a payoff! You and I are only bit players that support that role and make them look good until they find that NEW role and new players.
That grandiose, omnipotent and false self is nothing but a concocted and ever changing role or facade the Narcissist creates so that they fit into our world like puzzle pieces. They create different roles to match the needs of the next AND the next person that they are conning into their world. We are only a reflection in the Narcissist’s many mirrors that reflect that grand image back to them and makes them feel real. The Narcissist is incapable of feeling, or experiencing emotions, love, growth or any human dynamic that involves any type of relationship with another. Relationships to them are a means to an end and that is basically extracting supply or conning people into believing they are real participants in a relationship so the Narcissist can extort what they can OR use a particular person to gain something that they need. The Narcissist has fully mastered this dynamic or process of conning the world with the ever-changing charades they play with life because the payoff is huge and the only way they can survive in the REAL world. Their image is also important in this process so they APPEAR to be normal, moral and good because they have to keep their personal demons at bay through their projection or the real ugly projection that defines them! They are really great actors that take on whatever role will benefit them the most as far as a payoff! You and I are only bit players that support that role and make them look good until they find that NEW role and new players.
This concept is very hard for genuine or normal people to understand because we are wired with empathy, love, trust, acceptance and many other qualities that enable bonding and growth with other human beings – it comes natural to us. The Narcissist depends upon creating this bond through lies, manipulation and that huge façade to gain our acceptance into their world because they harvest people to supply them with ALL of their needs. As rigid as this definition sounds it is merely the truth that any relationship we have with them is based solely on our interpretation of the façade they create personally for us OR acceptance and belief in that Narcissist as if they are REAL! The Narcissist just plays along as a con artist does. The love, dreams, promises, relationship, marriage, biological children, etc., is just part of the fiction as personal and believable as it all was to you! We are just the ‘new supply’ because this Narcissist is fleeing from their last criminal act of abuse and if you think back they were coming out of a relationship and whose fault was it as far as it concerned that last relationship – their ‘ex’s’ fault! They are ALWAYS the victim – and they are akin to criminals because of the disabling damage they do to escape exposure by destroying their target/victim’s integrity and sanity. We HAVE to accept the truth and define them in the realistic light of what they are and detach any and all emotional connection. You could get more love from a rock then you could from a Narcissist.
A Narcissist will completely lie to your face, without flinching, and there is absolutely nothing you can do but believe them because you perceive it as a normal conversation and trust that you are talking to a normal and honest person. In fact, the Narcissist does not even consider that their lies are lies at all. They ARE the truth to the Narcissist because it is just part of their agenda and mechanics to con you AND just their lifestyle. It is THEIR ‘game’ and façade that they need to emulate to seduce you into their psychopathy and support their agenda. This is just your turn to be used and abused because of your unfortunate connection. You were at the right place at the wrong time – or better yet at the wrong place at the wrong time and you are now the latest target/victim. You believe them, because we generally believe people and many of the Narcissist’s lies do not sound or feel like lies because their lies are all encompassing and personal as it concerns seducing us into their agenda. As people of empathy we have known relationships, know love, and accept it as part of life so this was seemingly normal to us.
There are little lies, bigger lies, hideous lies and everything in between – they are ONE BIG LIE. Unfortunately, on this journey the Narcissist will betray, manipulate, prey on your vulnerabilities and make you pay for your involvement with them. Their hate and envy burns inside of them and surfaces as if it is your fault that they are as disordered and lack any real internal feelings. They blame and shame you for their indiscretions in life. WHY – because in time you make them face reality and they SEE their REAL reflection in your eyes. They can’t accept the truth so they act out and make your amazing love wrong, and disable it as well as you. When you hurt, they feel accomplished in the fact that they forced you to feel their pain as retribution for how the world has wronged them. They will never see anything else but fault in people and life. It would be like trying to house train an alligator and inviting it into your home as a beloved pet. It will eat you when it gets the first opportunity because that is what it does and it doesn’t feel anything but perhaps full after its meal! It doesn’t love you or regret its actions, it just feeds off of whatever it can get – so does a Narcissist.
We just don’t perceive most things people tell us as out and out lies meant to deceive us into an abusive situation, YET ALONE a person whose entire premise and life is built on one huge series of lies to extort and basically disable and destroy people through their actions. From the very beginning of your relationship you placed your trust and hopes in them, derived your energy, direction, stability, and confidence from your association or relationship with them AND it was real to YOU. They played right along and even encouraged this special relationship with them, BUT AGAIN this was all fiction and part of their agenda. Unfortunately lying is the Narcissist’s normal and part of their internal mechanisms – so the Narcissist wonders what the problem is because they pretend to be so supportive, pretend to love you, provide you with the benefits of their amazing charm and personality – so they are providing you a service and so what if it comes with a price? The Narcissist believes they are worth it and then some. You got something out of this so what if they completely disabled your life. If goes far beyond the lies because you are dealing with a creature that is completely void of empathy and can rationalize their lies, betrayal, how they extort your life out from underneath you and everything else, right down to the damage they have even imposed on their biological children because they are malevolent, and malignant abusers or a NARCISSIST. They are cut off at the knees as far as ANY connection or bonding with humans – if they can feel it then it doesn’t exist in their world. They completely walk away from their families without a thought except to blame to avoid exposure or people finding out the truth that they abusers and have committed acts of domestic violence. They will PRETEND to be a loving parent after the fact but that is just more of their façade to maintain that saintly appearance to the outside world and to STILL avoid exposure. This is their mindset and how they are wired and there is no changing them because they JUST DO NOT CARE.
The Narcissist creates a viable support system with their minions or cult members that the Narcissist also lies to and they are none the wiser to this creature’s agenda of abuse or that they are participants in shoring up the Narcissist’s façade of saintliness and goodness. The Narcissist creates their own little world of lies and fictitious stories that includes a ‘support team’ or minions that they charm into their life also. So, if you were to question anything about the Narcissist and ask one of their minions, they will support the Narcissist’s many lies and say just how amazing they are because they believe the lies also. That Narcissist is a very shrewd and manipulative creature that controls their complete environment picking and choosing the RIGHT people to support that ‘big lie’ that is their life. Within the Narcissist’s support system, he/she also expects awe, admiration, adulation, and constant attention commensurate with his/her outlandish stories, assertions, and lies. The Narcissist uses their many ‘surface’ friends to reinterpret reality to any naysayers to fit the Narcissist’s fantasies AND lies.
With the onslaught of social media, you can see just how they network just like a politician to gain support. Simply put the Narcissist easily charms and seduces these minions to carry out his/her claims to be infallible, superior, talented, skillful, and omnipotent. If you were to get real with one of these support minions, they could not tell you much more about the Narcissist except what has been drilled into their heads (the lies!) The relationships are just surface friends that don’t go deep by any means nor will you find any sense of history as it concerns the Narcissist’s past because the Narcissist keeps their past away from their present and vice versa. NOW if you were to connect to the very people that the Narcissist had past ‘relationships’ with (intimate,) you would probably hear the hideous truth about this creature! I sure did – but after the fact unfortunately. Seriously in all of the years I knew my Narcissist I never met ONE friend from the Narcissist’s past because there were NONE. There were lots of stories about these amazing friends but none materialized! After all was said and done in my personal adventure with a Narcissist I realized that our role is to babysit these creatures, entertain them, pay their way, and even play ‘love’ with them until the truth becomes apparent about how dysfunctional and dangerous they are. Unfortunately, we pay a huge debt for our connections with them when we face THEM with the truth. It is sad that we do not know this until the damage has been done and THEN we have learned our lessons and THEN face a horrendous truth and a road ahead of us that we must travel to recover from the attack they imposed on our love and life.
Simply put the Narcissist is one big lie that was seamless because they laced it with so much CHARM and basically seduced us into a very damaging and dark world. We believed in them because they used emotions to tie us to their lies and just kept that charm going until we felt a real bond with them. That was the plan or gaining our trust so they could break into our life and use us or objectify us. What a huge production a Narcissist creates BUT again it is just mechanics like a predator after prey – camouflage and all. There is only one direction when you know the truth and that is getting out of this relationship and breaking all ties with them if you can or they will disable your heart and mind. No/minimal contact because YOU are an amazing person that deserves goodness, love and a real life with a real person. Remember that you are stronger than you know and every new day is a sign of your strength and one day nearer to recovery. You ARE just that good to become a real survivor because you won and sent that critter on their way because the truth emanated from the real love that lives in you and THAT is what defeated the abuse or the very thing the Narcissist used to trick you into their dark world. Greg