To all the amazing friends here – a happy, healthy, and a healing New Year ahead – this is the year you will thrive!
To all the amazing friends here – a happy, healthy, and a healing New Year ahead – this is the year you will thrive! Some thoughts about the reality of the day to day recovery – with a little clinical definition thrown in too. It is a journey of many different emotions, thoughts, disabling side effects like anxiety, depression and essentially trauma. But all of these experiences ARE part of the journey that ends up with our recovery and the very roads we must travel down to heal completely.
So, let’s start. As victims and survivors, we have experienced and STILL experience the profound sense of emptiness that preoccupies our hearts and minds OR the effects of this abuse. Along the same lines we experience extreme sensitivity, difficulties allowing trust and real connections, as well as self-nurturing and real self-care because of the traumatic aspects of this abuse. Sometimes it boils down to us not knowing who we are anymore, what we need, or even what we feel – or limited capabilities to move forward and back into life as we all truly want to do, and the inability to regulate our emotions with all of this. Sometimes this is also called disassociation. Again, this is from the trauma associated with the intense and ongoing emotional and psychological abuse. As unfortunate and hurtful as it all is, it is what we must go through to COME BACK TO OURSELVES, empower ourselves, and purge the negativity of the abuse out of us – it is called healing and something we CAN do.
When you actualize the reality of the situation it isn’t just grieving the emotional connection that we felt for this person, but also a new and unknown reality that they (the abuser) was actually emotionally manipulating your love and diminishing/destroying you – just the reality of this abuse. This new truth about them now becomes a huge influence on your thoughts and feelings and it confounds the situation even more as far as clarity. It is clinically called ‘cognitive dissonance’ where we have two conflicting realities. We believed that it was care or love for so long (depending upon the connection), but we also know NOW (in the present) that it wasn’t real but instead a huge betrayal of our love from an abusive person and manipulative CONTROL. It is not easy to have to believe the truth because they are so far apart and polar opposites but here we are and having to to fix all of this with NO real experience and even BLAMING ourselves at many different levels. Sure we were aware that there were problems because this Narcissist was acting out in cruel ways that we understand from our personal experiences, but we were only trying to be real WHERE THERE WAS NO REAL and now we are having to reconcile it all.
We were being manipulated in the cruelest way by someone (a Narcissist) that was monopolizing on their deceptive ability to manipulate and manage down our healthy thoughts. This is subjugation of a human being pure and simple or denying the human rights we all deserve, and we are left pretty much alone with the question of WHY. This is our new reality and we have to explore and fix this so that we can actualize the truth to move forward. You feel like your spirit is gone and your whole belief system has been thrown out the door about life. Where do you start, how do you turn off the many negative messages? How do you reclaim your spirt and join life again? Who do you go to for the help that you need and WHY is this taking so long to get over. Every day is a struggle and you want this to stop NOW and you want to move on.
Your journey starts here with the support of other victims/survivors – people that share your experiences and have gained clarity through knowledge, education, and time. Holidays are very difficult to deal with especially with the abuse factor still lingering in your heart and mind. The reason for this is because holidays are ‘markers’ that come along with so many memories and messages of what we should be and where we should be. NO, you are right where you belong or HEALING – or on this journey to your recovery. Every day that you feel the struggle do NOT identify or quantify it only by or with the pain you feel NOW, instead turn that around into the realization that YOU ARE A SURVIVOR and STRONG. Each and every day is part of the journey to your recovery and one day closer to complete freedom from this abuse. There is no timeline that defines it because it is personal to all of us and a completely new learning process and almost like a rebirthing back into life.
Let the New Year begin with this message of HOPE and CHANGE where you DO see yourself headed into a new place and a far better place – one where you are free from emotional and psychological abuse. TELL yourself that you truly are a survivor and will thrive by putting the time into the journey. You ARE stronger than you know and again because you are still standing today after a traumatic connection with an abuser. We must put that Narcissist completely out of our thoughts and put every bit on energy into ourselves – do not give them anymore power and instead give it to yourself.
We will be healthy again, we will heal, we will care/love again, and we will trust and be whole again – albeit a different person called a SURVIVOR. Our abuse will always be a part of who we are, but we WILL rebuild ourselves from the inside out, find our true self again, regain our self-esteem, and discard the negative messages, images, and blame from our abusers – BUT we MUST put all the necessary time into it because it is imperative that we come back to life again and beat this abuse. Again, you ARE much stronger than you know because you are still standing today after a traumatic connection with an abuser. This qualifies you with a unique title of a survivor and you WILL thrive after your journey to recovery. You are that amazing person and always have been, but your spirit and core values have been purposely smothered and manipulated away from you by a corrupt and personality disordered person. Together we heal! HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of the amazing friends here and thank you for sharing, connecting, and supporting one another. Greg
Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist.