DIVERSION and DEFLECTION! More context, truth, and clarity – seeing through and beyond the MASK – Understanding a Narcissist through knowledge and education. Context, clarity and truth will become our freedom to start moving forward to healing.

DIVERSION and DEFLECTION! More context, truth, and clarity – seeing through and beyond the MASK – Understanding a Narcissist through knowledge and education. Context, clarity and truth will become our freedom to start moving forward to healing.

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

Narcissists are masters of spin, manipulation, and diversionary tactics to drive their ‘controlling abuse’ home through brute verbal force, delusional reasoning, and emotional/psychological abuse. If you’re involved with a Narcissist, you know their communication strategies firsthand.

Narcissistic tools of the trade – YES they use manipulative and destructive tools to get at what they want:

When you present facts that contradict their beliefs, they bamboozle you by switching to off-topic tangents, changing the subject or even creating an accusation AGAINST YOU! While you’re still defending your original point and its validity, the Narcissist blows you off (because you’re making sense/telling the truth) and distracts you by jumping to another topic that’s completely out in left field. It is like the old switch and bait trick and the Narcissist railroads your thoughts or concerns by countering with an attack that challenges your thoughts and puts you on the defensive so much so that now you are having to explain YOURELF as if you are guiltier for whatever they countered with.

Another tactic a Narcissist employs is the use of these two words, “SHUT UP!” When you try to explain your feelings or point of view, the Narcissist explicitly tells you to, “Shut up!” Narcissists, can’t handle the truth, so they go to great lengths to deny and obliterate it. Usually they will embellish this with “you are crazy,” or making it all up, always wanting to start trouble, lying, forgetful, jealous, etc.

Another tactic the Narcissist uses when you challenge them is giving you the silent treatment or simply refusing to listen to you. In both cases, this is the adult version of, “la, la, la, I can’t hear you! I can’t hear you!” They believe if they ignore or stop you from speaking the truth that it doesn’t exist like a small child who closes their eyes and covers their ears to “make you go away.” In fact it is a diversionary approach and attempt to debase you by invalidating you completely. It is exerting power over you like a judge passing down a verdict to imprison you in chaos, confusion and crazy making. The Narcissist puts your mind behind bars and you are unable to express any normal and valid thought processes.

When all else fails the Narcissist resorts to ‘name calling.’ This is the Narcissist bullying you by demeaning you, managing you down, or better yet dehumanizing you. Because they can’t defend their position or their behaviors in a normal manner so they resort to emotionally-based personal attacks. It’s another distraction technique that sidetracks you from the original point of contention by disorienting you and putting you on the defensive. Here is the logic: “Okay you (target/victim) have confronted the Narcissist with the truth around accountability, so to divert and control, you are called names, made fun of, etc.! So there! I don’t have to listen to you because I will demean you, hurt your feelings, cause chaos and conflict so you back off because I WILL CONTINUE TO HURT YOU AND FORCE YOU STOP. You have no choice when presented with this kind of “logic” but to walk away with your dignity and sanity but you are still invalidated by the Narcissist’s control tactic to silence you. This will deter you in the future from asking anything concerning accountability as well. It is like behavioral modification!

To divert the situation in a manner to turn it around on you the Narcissist will engage in “projection.” They will accuse their targets/victims of things that they themselves are actually guilty of. This is one of their widely used defense mechanisms. Again the Narcissist uses the reasoning of a 3 year old child. So it amounts to the grown up version of the spoiled and mad child taunting you with, “I know you are, but what am I?” You try to assert your opinion or thoughts but again the reaction is always “I know you are, but what am I.” It amounts to a vicious circle of attacks around your integrity with the Narcissist projecting their faults onto you. Somehow if they can convince themselves in a delusional manner that you are as guilty as them then it makes their behavior OK in their minds. They are just casting shame off and onto us, as well as getting that blame in there too.

Narcissists have absolutely no capacity for context. Either you see things their way or you must be crushed into the ground. You can’t respectfully agree to disagree with them. Any criticism, difference of opinion is a challenge to their entitled authority and is seen as a threat and will be treated as such and you will be devalued, demeaned, debased and dehumanized – it is just that serious to them. BUT serious to them is not in any normal context, instead it is complete denial and avoidance all bundled up in all of these tactics to be in control and exert power over us. Remember we are only an object to serve them so we must revere them as well OR ELSE!

Narcissists “gas-light” by denying things they’ve said or done. They also twist a grain of truth into a huge distortion until you begin to doubt your own sanity and look like the crazy person when you try to defend yourself. It is a process to make you feel as if you are crazy and no longer have the ability for normal reasoning. They will re-write history and deny something that happened or something they said a month ago, a week ago, a day ago or even a few minutes ago. They will say you imagined they said a certain thing.

The Narcissist employs loud and deliberate RAGING when all else fails. The more wrong an emotionally and abusive Narcissist is the louder and/or more resolute they get. Their level of fake outrage, vindictiveness or emotional withdrawal is in direct proportion to how accurate you are. They will either talk over you, or shout at you, repeating the same simplistic, emotionally-charged statements over and over until they drown out all reason, you either give up from the exhaustion of it all, or until they give you the silent treatment, OR until you submit and apologize for your “offense.” BUT THEY COMMITTED THE OFFENSE and they are very adept at diverting from the truth with their pathological bullying so we retreat and learn our lessons. My Narcissist employed this tactic every time they would find some anonymous sexual partner. First the incredulous story that I would shake my head at in total disbelief, then the extreme rage attack because I just didn’t believe this Narcissist.

Narcissist are also very adept at shifting blame to all others for everything that is wrong and never consider how they contribute to and cause the issues and their own unhappiness. They shift responsibility to make you seem wrong, bad, and crazy in an effort to shame you into submission to avoid accountability. They will punish you for their own offenses as well. That is what we are “employed” for by the Narcissist. We are here to serve them, save them, take care of their every need, change their diapers, accept all of their faults as if they are our own, allow them to betray us and accept it as well as be blamed for it, we must allow them to extort everything they can from us, and we are not allowed to view any of this anything but a privilege to be in their company. If we follow all of these rules we are allowed to love them but we must also pay the price for this wonderful relationship by being stripped of our integrity, self-esteem and driven to insanity from their delusional abuse.

FINALLY it is time for the Narcissist to part Company with us and they must drive the abuse home with us so then they play the victim. They claim they’re being unfairly attacked for “standing up for the truth about us destroying the relationship” and having the “courage” to speak out. The Narcissist defends their indefensible behaviors by saying they did their best but we were “the problem.” Well yes this is what they told us all the time and beat us into submission to accept, so they must now bring it to fruition with their departure and “smear campaign.” Our dirty laundry is now aired out for the whole world to see what we are defined through the delusional Narcissist’s eyes, words, and actions. It’s not enough for the Narcissist to disagree with and despise you. Everyone else in the world must as well, including your own family and friends, must now hate you and see how wrong you are. They go after you by attacking your ethics, integrity, sexuality and manufacture the most ridiculous nonsense in order to destroy your reputation. Unfortunately, the bigger the lie, the more gullible people tend to believe it. We are branded crazy, mentally ill, the liar, the manipulator, the person that betrayed THEM, stole from THEM and everything and anything that makes us out to be who THEY really are. They brain-wash their minions to believe that we are everything that is actually them – just a diversion tactic to escape unscathed from what the Narcissist has done.

They seemingly change places with us for the duration of the time we spend with them mimicking OUR empathy. They will assume all of our goodness and wear it well and then dump and blame their disordered life onto us using an arsenal of delusional tools to accomplish this. This wasn’t a relationship, it was an abhorrent attack of extreme manipulation, betrayal, and extortion that all started out by a Narcissist pretending to care OR love us so they could gain our trust and emotionally and psychologically control us. Greg

Posted on December 23, 2019, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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