Probably one of the most confusing and difficult things we all face when being involved with a Narcissist is the HIGH DRAMA , crazy making, and ‘painful’ cycles of breaking up followed by the HIGH’s of making up again and then right back again to isolation and desperation! DON’T DO IT!

Probably one of the most confusing and difficult things we all face when being involved with a Narcissist is the HIGH DRAMA , crazy making, and ‘painful’ cycles of breaking up followed by the HIGH’s of making up again and then right back again to isolation and desperation! DON’T DO IT!

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

Unfortunately, it is an inevitable process that comes along with being involved in a Narcissistic relationship UNTIL you have your ‘ah ha’ moment or actualize the truth that they are always abusers and there is no REAL relationship with them or never will be one! It is always about them wanting something from us and that is supply – so YES they will recycle us back into their orbit when they are LOW of the their supply. This also applies to ANY relationship with a Narcissist – be it a parent, a child, a sibling, a friend, co-worker, etc. It is always a psychological and emotional push pull with them!

Many targets/victims always get caught up with the Narcissist leaving you, only to return back to the relationship? So the big question of WHY and WHAT would possess a Narcissist to hurt you so deeply, only to come back on bended knee, and beg for forgiveness? ALSO why does a Narcissist spend so much time trying to convince you to give them another chance, only to revert back to their cruel and abusive ways after they realize you have forgiven them ONCE again recommitted to them? Furthermore how can a Narcissist change like the weather AND not show ANY shame or remorse?

The reality is that most victims want to believe this behavior is based upon the Narcissists real and genuine desire of wanting to be with them, and wanting the relationship to work! The sad truth is that a Narcissist only returns back to the relationship to get a quick fix of supply, drama, chaos, or whatever serves them to keep CONTROL over you and to feed their addiction to constant supply.

It will resemble the love bombing beginning of the relationship where the Narcissist puts on a great act, and uses their best performance to lure you back in and win you over! BUT almost immediately you will notice a drastic change in the Narcissist’s behavior again, and you will be reliving the cycles of abuse again or the idealization and devaluation stages! This becomes an ongoing process that continues on, even during the break up stages! It is insanity for sure because it will never change until the Narcissist moves on to new supple!

So Basically once you validate the Narcissist AGAIN by responding to him/her in any way, shape or form, The Narcissist has got his/her hold on you as well as a fix and the Narcissist will just move on to the next and the next best fix or high. Finding supply is just an ongoing thing with Narcissist because they need it like we need oxygen and there is no limit to who or what they use for supply. BUT remember this if you remember anything, you are not anything to them no matter how much you love them or believe they love you! You are only one optional source of supply that they invested in for a certain period of time.

This is the VERY reason that targets/victims MUST remember that while we may feel some source of relief or renewed security by the Narcissist’s change of heart, the minute you take them back, and the minute the Narcissist realizes that they have you again, they will immediately revert back to theirs old cruel behavior and abusive agenda. You must accept that it IS psychological abuse with all of their mental mind games, and the ONLY reason a Narcissist continues to come back is to ensure that they still have you right where they want you!

ALSO when a Narcissist is experiencing withdrawal from not having enough Narcissistic Supply they will immediately go into the pursuit mode coming back with the goal of winning you over once again. A Narcissist does not and cannot be alone, they constantly need supply or someone to validate them. It’s all a GAME, you don’t want to play. Every single time the story ends the same, and you are the one left picking up the MANY broken pieces and not the Narcissist!

NEVER fall into the trap of trying to redeem yourself with them because you are only reacting to more of their manipulation. You can’t ever fix the past with them, change them, rescue them, save them, or communicate with them. If you do they will just set you up to manage you down and drag you back for a little or a LOT more of their abuse. A bit of advice from this survivor, and that is find ways to stop yourself from trying to re-connect with your Narcissist. You must stop completely and ignore your Narcissist with the strongest boundaries you can create! Remember, every minute you let them sit in your thoughts YOU lose a little bit more of yourself and you have already given up too much!

No Contact, knowledge/education, and support from those who have also been through it, is the only way to get to your freedom as well as emotional/psychological healing, otherwise you may find it very difficult to stay away. Narcissists are completely relentless when it comes to their supply sources (past and present),and they will use all kinds of manipulative behavior to pull you back into the relationship and the abuse. Remember exactly what they did to you (the Narcissist) because that experience should NEVER be forgotten by you and never allowed to happen again BUT do not allow yourself to ruminate over the past – only use it to guide your future as far as healing from this person. No/minimal contact ALWAYS! Greg

Posted on December 18, 2019, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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