So VERY TRUE – that is why our experiences and voices are so important so we find that clarity we desperately need to move forward. I am going to try to unravel some of this ‘FOG’ that many targets/victims of this abuse are left in post abuse.

So VERY TRUE – that is why our experiences and voices are so important so we find that clarity we desperately need to move forward. I am going to try to unravel some of this ‘FOG’ that many targets/victims of this abuse are left in post abuse.

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

So the components of this abuse: If someone mentioned being brain-washed, etc., I would have reacted to them in the same manner that people reacted to me when I explained the reality as it concerns a target/victim. AGAIN, nobody has/had any real experience with Narcissist’s or that we were basically brain-washed, silenced, isolated, and slowly managed down into our beliefs about the person we THOUGHT we cared for, friended, loved, or even a family member we were raised by. As I have said many times this is akin to being a prisoner of war. This was serious emotional and psychological abuse from a predator, and nobody could have foreseen the entirety of this. We didn’t for sure, or we would have run as fast as we could. Hindsight is always 20/20 and it has taken me a good bit of time to actualize all of this and clearly AND completely to see what this person is and does to abuse people for supply. To prove this fact – go to your Narcissist’s NEW SUPPLY and tell them what you know and they will more than likely believe you are scorned, obsessed or all of the above. They don’t get it yet either and of course that poor Narcissist has warned them about how crazy we are because they cover ALL of the grounds for their next conquest. Everybody will experience the reality of this abuse if they are in any sort of relationship with a Narcissist! YOU CAN COUNT ON THIS no matter how normal or pretty the future looks for the Narcissist and the NEW love of their life. You hopefully will be recovered by the time you see them become the latest target/victim of this Narcissist!

When you actualize the situation, it isn’t just grieving the emotional connection that we felt for this person, but a new reality that they were there and actually extorting our friendship, care or love and trying to destroy us – just the reality of this abuse. The real truth about them now becomes a huge influence on our thoughts and feelings and it confounds the situation even more as far as clarity. It is clinically called ‘cognitive dissonance’ where we have two conflicting realities. We believed in someone as normal people always do, but we also know that it wasn’t real but instead a huge betrayal of our care, friendship, or love from an abusive person. Not easy to have to believe the truth because they are so far apart and polar opposites. Nor is it us ignoring the facts that this abuse was staring us in the face. Sure, we were aware that there were problems because this Narcissist was acting out in cruel ways that we personally understand from our experiences, but we were trying to be real WHERE THERE WAS NO REAL. We were being manipulated in the cruelest way by someone (a Narcissist) that was monopolizing on their deceptive ability to manipulate and manage down our healthy thoughts – and they did this constantly so we didn’t really have time to concentrate on any one thing before another one came up. This is subjugation of a human being pure and simple or denying the human rights we all deserve. This is our new reality and we have to explore this so that we can actualize the truth.

To go a step further: So often this abuse in itself confounds or confuses us in so many ways that our thoughts are never centered on any one issue as it concerns US – that is the TRAUMA associated with this abuse. More than likely the negativity that surrounds you is ever present, consuming, and preoccupying your every thought process. It surfaces as anxiety, depression, shock, grief, or the whole nine yards. These are actually the first tiny steps that start us out on our journey to recovery and that is unraveling the confusion and sorting it out. We KNOW something is just not quite right. We have to acknowledge the confusion to know it, and then we process it. There is not anything unusual or wrong about us concerning these experiences that are completely confounding/confusing our thought processes because what experience do we have with abuse – BUT – we have to understand that it is a part of the process we have to go through first and that is unraveling all of the confusion. It is what you hear described as the ‘fog’ that we are in. From this your voice becomes the tool to externalize those confusing thoughts to help you put some order to the disorder. Believe me it will come, but like everything else you have to start someplace.

So many times, our family, loved ones, friends, etc., seems like they don’t care. This may be true for some, but for the most part remember that our stories are incredulous and personal to us. They don’t know how deep the abuse is and deeply rooted in our subconscious OR even understand what it is. It is not as personal to them as it is to us. We would have to drag them through every day of the abuse while we were living it for them to actually get it – and to explain it would take just as long. They would also have to experience every day that we grieve (after the discard) to see how isolated and disconnected we have become because of the abuse. It doesn’t say that it is OK for people to shun us because it all sounds so unreal – they should have concern and TRY to help us however they can. Nobody can understand how the target/victim needs to keep repeating things over and over again because it is within this process that targets/victims purge the abuse outward. Our voice is the tool for others to hear to gain support as well as to vocalize and actualize the truth. There is no closure with these creatures, so how do we become validated? We search for that validation through our voices until we find something that we can turn to that HELPS. Without validation we will just run in a circle chasing our tails. We do eventually find validation within our personal truths that we share with other targets/victim’s/survivors – as well as a strong education and knowledge of this abuse.

One other point to those of us that were raised in an abusive family structure — often times the other siblings and parent that were also abused react in different ways and may act out themselves just like their abusive parent or spouse, or are lost in the fog of the abuse too. In other words they may be caught in the prison of the abuse their entire life and imprisoned in pure denial and avoidance of the truth without clarity or closure themselves. It doesn’t mean that some have become abusers themselves – it means unless they have the proper knowledge and education to work on themselves they will remain with the abuse all of their lives and still act out. We have to concentrate on our own healing in these cases – we can offer support – but not to the point that we have to deal with more abuse from them because our recovery is important. All people in a family of abuse are damaged and react to it.

There are no magical cures or any timelines that fit every person. This is a process that is individual to all of us, but we must go through this process to be healthy again and it all starts with no/minimal contact. Greg

Posted on November 29, 2019, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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