If it wasn’t for DOUBLE STANDARDS the Narcissist would not have ANY standards at all!
If it wasn’t for DOUBLE STANDARDS the Narcissist would not have ANY standards at all! There is never a REAL person standing in front of us that lives with truth and empathy – but there is a manipulative, toxic, and destructive abuser LOOKING for a reaction to purposely create chaos and also a con artist by nature that will take everything they can get from us and anybody else they can.
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
The Narcissist creates the terms of how THEY measure life – so if they were a “tape measure or a ruler”, they would determine the dynamics of each and every measurement OR define every inch of every foot – and you can believe that it would not be consistent as it is SUPPOSED to be. The Narcissist has to be ‘that’ which measures (and judges) and NEVER that WHICH IS MEASURED and NEVER judged – so there is NEVER consistency. Instead, it is based on whatever works in THEIR favor at the time – so their standards change with the wind – or when they need them to. Literally they “coin” the phrase “give them an inch and they will take a mile.” Well that and anything they can get their tentacles around. The Narcissist counts on your assumption and belief (the one they conned you into believing) that he/she is the very real thing that you think they are and they worked VERY hard at those lies to get you there using YOUR emotions. That is what makes the relationship operative for them to extort our lives as well as use abuse to get WHAT THEY WANT.
Because Narcissists have depleted or deleted their character so profoundly through choices contrary to the norms of reason or basic DENIAL, they will even begin to see themselves as what they project, mirror, and bounce off of us. If you are not governed by any natural or moral laws, but by the law of “whatever you want to be to get whatever you want” well then you hold great power, but you need to CONTROL the world to achieve this superiority, so the Narcissist is fundamentally a dictator in their world that is based on lies, double standards, and their machinations.
There is absolutely NO responsibility or accountability on their part for anything they do because it is all born out of their immediate needs. Couple that with the fact that they do not live in accordance with any written or unwritten laws (common decency to other humans), and they act on every impulse that they have without an iota of care when they harm the very person that loves them in the process with denial and constant lies. Consequently, they lack any and all morals, they are pathological liars, manipulators, thieves, ETC.! Absolute control of their partner is the goal of the Narcissist to extort supply and they will get there however they can which always includes gaslighting too. This is very difficult to identify and understand in the beginning of a relationship with a Narcissist because they are among every other thing I outlined the world’s best CON artist and they mean to con us out of our mind, integrity, finances, self-esteem and anything else they can get their grubby little hands on – so the “game is on” with THEM.
The Narcissist will throw a pathological spin onto communication to divert from reality and cause chaos so it fulfills whatever the Narcissist’s agenda is at the moment and it is always everchanging! They live by NO standards but have many interchangeable ones that they make up as they go based on a particular agenda. This agenda is many things, but basically to secure supply (what they need), from us and from whoever else is willing to give them supply.
This is all done in a manner to control the target/victim and keep them in a constant state of complete REALITY QUESTIONING, “is it me or is it them”. The target/victim is always questioning reality – where there is NO reality as it concerns a Narcissist. It is all part of the Narcissist’s agenda and a well thought out plan for them to keep their target/victim controlled by confusing, diverting/deranging reality, dehumanizing and basically psychologically manipulating the target/victim to keep them in a constant state of despair. This is us dancing with the Narcissist – and they provide the music as well as the dance steps and the choreography. Again the most important aspect in all of this is the manner in which the Narcissist controls a target/victim starting this whole process with positive manipulation or “love bombing” to first gain our trust to destroy it and us later – after they have extorted everything they could from us.
The Narcissist constantly violates boundaries albeit physical, emotional, and mental. They follow no rules in life, or respect human dignity/rights, or adhere to any written laws. They will make decisions that are not theirs to make and they will assume that they have the right to use, borrow, or take/steal anything that belongs to others. Ownership is their birthright or so they feel because they are above the normal order of life. They will violate your standing with figures of authority in an effort to cause trouble/destruction or just to “one up” you. They are truly extortionists and they take everything and anything they can get their hands on. BUT remember this chameleon camouflages itself with CHARM – so they get away with virtual murder because they have been doing this all of their lives and they are just that good at it. The people that know the truth about them are mostly their targets/victims – the rest become their minions at some useful level that they charm into believing just how special they are AND they protect the Narcissist’s lies and disordered life – they are the enablers of their abuse. No/minimal contact always – there is NO relationship with them because there is NO person there. Greg