You and I have EMPATHY at the helm in our lives as it concerns our core values and how we treat all people, respect them, and show REAL care and love. A Narcissist ONLY has LIES that compromises their whole being and complete life because they LACK any and all empathy and objectify people for utilitarian purposes only.
You and I have EMPATHY at the helm in our lives as it concerns our core values and how we treat all people, respect them, and show REAL care and love. A Narcissist ONLY has LIES that compromises their whole being and complete life because they LACK any and all empathy and objectify people for utilitarian purposes only. Their life is a combination of a self-created façade and a disassociated self – AGAIN – all based on the lies they tell the world and the ones they tell THEMSELVES! On our part we fell for the lies NOT because we were fools or dumb by any means, we were manipulated by something that is very normal to OUR world – our good/normal emotions that bond us to people – but something the Narcissist weaponized to use against us to fulfill their disordered agenda.
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
Narcissists live in this protective bubble of lies – because it serves them COMPLETELY. They use lies to CREATE their ever-changing false persona/self (as well as to consistently support it) to con people into their dysfunctional world – and they also use lies to discredit and virtually destroy anybody that doesn’t play their game or attempts to make them accountable. Just calling them a liar does NOT even to start to describe the extent of their horrendous and destructive lifestyle. They use lies as leverage to TAKE everything that they need in their world! – and they ARE aware of what they are doing!
Narcissists will say ANYTHING and basically you can count on it all being lies. They lie in Technicolor with a wide spectrum from simple or nonsense lies to the outrageous, obnoxious and perverted or the wildest lies conceivable. You will never be able to conjure up a conceivable motive for why they lie as they do.
Narcissists lie gratuitously, about matters great and small. Their lies are the substance that they invent their false mask or shield from that hides their dark and secret disorder. So the Narcissist creates a special person just for each of us, BUT really it is created to pull us into their world. They decide what rights you will have, what they want you see, and what they want you to hear, and especially what they want you to know. THEN they embellish it all with brightly colored wrapping paper and a big beautiful bow and a gift tag with our name on it and a “Love always – Your Narcissist – XOXOXO !” Unfortunately when you start unwrapping that present you find that it is just an empty box.
So within this grand illusion that they create and live in, they won’t hesitate to say that black is white or square is round and you are expected to believe them. They will lie to you about facts they know that you know. They lie to you about what you have said and done, even if you said or did it only a few seconds ago and know the truth. They lie to you about what they have said and done in your very presence. If they are breathing, they are lying!
Being amoral or just numb to the existence of morality as far as their integrity goes is based solely on what the Narcissist wants. It is like a cantankerous, irrational three-year-old child throwing a tantrum. The Narcissist never gives up the argument. That Narcissist is standing there in front of you to win. If you engage the Narcissist, he/she will pull you down to their level. Keep engaging in an argument with a Narcissist and he/she brings it down to another level, and another level AND to a level lower than you care to stoop to, so you just stop then and there because it is just futile to go on anymore. The Narcissist has no self-respect, and behaving this way is not beneath them.
Now you are standing in front of them and they look like big boys and girls (adults) but they are dragging you back to your days at the playground and if you don’t play exactly the way they want you to play “make believe” they will throw you off of the merry-go-round. I learned this early on to disengage with my Narcissist or an argument could go on for days AND this Narcissist would easily resort to making fun of me or whatever it took to take me down. It is control pure and simple. Clinically we get here and engage in their fantasy world because it is like having a fairy Godmother/father that appears one day with their magic wand and gives us unbounding love (love bombing actually.) The Narcissists play world and castle then starts to crumble and we try to duck and protect ourselves to avoid the fallout and we get devalued and discarded for doing so.
In all honesty a Narcissist only has the mentality of a playground bully. They incorporate other kids that are weaker and smaller than them with threats to join in on their imaginary games or else. There will always be someone that asserts their individuality in the playground and that Narcissist will gang up on and harm whomever with the help of their little gang. Be assured you will be run off of that playground just for being you and not buying into the Narcissistic bullying, dysfunction and games. You may even get the Narcissist’s Mommy knocking at your door and really get in trouble.
But, no matter how big a lie or how big a fit the Narcissist throws if you allow it you are enabling the narcissist’s lies and that is a huge mistake no matter what the cost is to you otherwise. It facilitates the Narcissist’s delusions, and it gives them a power rush and CONTROL. Thus the Narcissists is cramming his/her delusion through insults to your intelligence down your throat. You are spoiling that Narcissistic brat/bully and allowing the monster to grow and take over completely. Unfortunately people make this mistake because of the Narcissists GOOD qualities that preempted the appearance of this raging bully.
So the Narcissist needs people to feed their Narcissistic Supply. But he/she can’t associate with any person in an emotionally meaningful way because they have NO emotions, so the Narcissist lacks these basic skills – or the EMPATHY – which is required in ‘real life’ to bond with people. WHY do they then want to bond with people – well because they need us to survive in this world or else be cast away as the toxic abusers they are! BUT, the very people (you and I) who are supposed to sustain the Narcissists grandiose fantasies through their adoration and attention will always find the Narcissist repulsive and too dangerous to interact with after the truth becomes apparent that ANY type of connection or life with a Narcissist is one big lie. No/Minimal contact to stop the chaos and crazy making that their lies create within our time with them. Greg