That ANGELIC public persona that we all see AT FIRST!
That ANGELIC public persona that we all see AT FIRST!
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
A Narcissist creatively figures out some unique and CHARMING and impressive angle quickly, and one that few people would ever engage in to make themselves out something they are not even remotely close to – basically they are manipulating our emotions so that we BELIEVE in them. SO, temporarily we represent the object of their extreme flattery (and again CHARM), maybe that best friend, caring co-worker/boss, family member, potential boyfriend/girlfriend, or the love of their life, and the key to their happiness (and ours) – or SO THEY SAY! They are setting the trap to pull us into their orbit because THAT is not the person they are at all!
So HOW do they do this? They will share personal and intimate details of their life that make them seem like they are so balanced and connected, someone we would want to know and even be involved with. This is the Narcissist’s goal and they are the biggest con artists that exist, and they mean to extort everything they can from you. They have unlocked the door to your head, and they are planning on using that entry to their advantage. They will move right in and in time manipulate and manage down most everything that is your reality as you KNEW it. A skilled and extreme narcissist knows just how to reflect your image right back onto you so that you feel like you are almost twins. What’s not to like and trust when you have EVERYTHING in common?
They aren’t ANY of this, nor can they do any of this on their own because of their psychopathic nature and lack of all empathy – what you are seeing is their PUBLIC PERSONA that will soon give way to the reality of who they really are. So with that being said this feeling of euphoria they exude doesn’t last long because it is empty to the core, they are COMPLETELY empty and a big needy void – so without real emotions the truth rears its ugly head from behind that mask they wear. Add to this that they are addicts – and supply is their drug so they are always off and looking for the next fix and that includes that SAINTLY façade to wear and present to the outside world! All of this pretty much fuels their out-of-control lifestyle. They will use ANYTHING to lure a person into their world!
As we all understand, once the Narcissist feels they have you in their grasp—once your identity, hopes and expectations are pinned on them, they GET BORED with you and move on to new sources of pleasure and diversion – then you see that very ugly and abusive side of them. We are THEIR supply in this psychopathic manipulation, and they are NOT going to be ‘our’ supply or give anything to us in return – this is a one way street. So inevitably they are going to move on when we try to make this “relationship” real in a manner that we are a VIABLE part of it and have needs. They are not in a relationship that grows in a normal manner; they are in a delusional and contractual agreement with every other human being that states we will SUPPLY the Narcissist with EVERYTHING they desire.
Narcissists work extremely hard at making themselves believable as it concerns their overt lies and myths about themselves. They arm themselves with a vast array of learned information they have harvested through their observations of other humans. They acquire and then wear, personalize or enhance this information as if it is truly theirs. So what is the goal with all of this? To snag you into his/her Narcissistic lair to make you supply them with the things they need and can’t get because they are a dark and manipulative personality that envies life, love and people.
They can incessantly talk and talk about most anything without skipping a beat with their interesting information and descriptions they exude about themselves and wear it as if it is their own They are human chameleons that study human nature, but with a goal to further their power by enhancing their stature and influence the people around them to get what they crave – supply – THEY MUST COME OFF IN THE PUBLIC AS THE BEST LITTLE BOYS AND GIRLS IN THE WORLD – just as a child will do when they want something. Undoubtedly, they exaggerate their every claim and position in their life. They are addicted to this omnipotence and we are what they need to use as a mirror to see this amazing reflection of themselves but that only lasts as long as they feel we are relevant. Unfortunately, what they do in the darkness without a care to the people that love them is also part of the equation and their ability to tell an amazing story to cover up their out-of-control lifestyle – always playing the saints in this world!
One word you will hear as it concerns a Narcissist is that they always appear magnanimous. All that really means is that they have to appear to be the good, better, and ultimately the best person that always takes that higher road of being “better’ than you. They have many rules, regulations and laws that they make everybody ABIDE by, but they NEVER honor these same rules, laws or regulations which make them pathological hypocrites. The reality is they blame, shame. belittle, and demean you for things they constantly do behind your back AND behind EVERYONE’s back – remember their real persona is hidden and only those people that have or had a relationship of any sort with them KNOW the truth of who they are. Really this is also projection and they are dumping their shame and blame onto and into you. They will also use their magnanimousness later to trash and destroy you. You MUST look up to a Narcissist so they can look down on you! They are NEVER who they pretend to be! No/minimal contact to free your self from this abuse. Greg