Idealize, Devalue and Discard – AND repeat again, and again, and AGAIN! They do this to all people and ALL relationships.

Idealize, Devalue and Discard – AND repeat again, and again, and AGAIN! They do this to all people and ALL relationships.

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

Each step makes sense once you grasp and embrace the profile of a psychopath/narcissist. Biologically they are a human being, but they live for the pleasure of controlling and harming others – this is a fact however we want to describe it clinically or otherwise. It doesn’t mean that we have ANY lack of empathy for a human being that has a personality disorder – it just means that they ARE WHAT THEY ARE and they will cause a vast amount of destruction to everyone and anyone that has any type of relationship with them. We can’t dismiss the destructive nature of a Narcissist. So here is what it is all about!

The steps of a toxic relationship (any type of relationship) with a Narcissist:

IDEALIZE – this is like the honey moon phase with the Narcissist but in reality it is not YOU that is being ‘idealized’ but instead whatever the Narcissist wanted from you and only for however long he/she wants it. They CHARM us with amazing articulation – that is the vehicle that drives us to believe in the Narcissist, even trust them and unfortunately love them. Narcissists do an assessment of their romantic partners, during the assessment phase the Narcissist interacts very closely with their targets to see what makes them tick. They ask intimate questions, to discover their unfulfilled needs and weaknesses. They also commonly lure their targets with promises to offer them whatever has been missing from their lives. If you’re recovering from a recent break up or divorce, they offer you friendship and an exciting new romantic relationship. Whatever superficial bond they can create to completely win you over and gain your trust.

DEVALUE – once the Narcissist has manipulated you into their lair of lies and deceit, they manage their victim down into the depths of their pathology. Like a virus entering into their victim’s body they attack and erode our self-esteem away from us, as well as demean, debase and destroy our spirit and extract whatever they want, need and desire. THEN the boredom sets in and the Narcissist loses interest OR they are done using you for the particular need THEY had for you. They need more and newer supply like a drug addict needs their drug of choice, so their life is lived in an out-of-control manner where they are seeking out whomever or whatever they can to maintain their addiction and ‘high’, but always maintaining a steady source of supply from us and some extra supply on the side. What we believe is so personal and intimate is nothing more than our turn with the Narcissist as supply.

DISCARD – after the Narcissist has gotten everything he/she wanted from you and has probably secured other new targets for supply, they move on without a care. We were ONLY a COMPONENT in what was an agenda of a disordered Narcissist seeking out to extort supply from us and anybody else. This is just day to day business with a Narcissist seeking out or better yet extorting people and life. People are expendable and interchangeable to them BUT people are a resource the Narcissist NEEDS to survive and we are replaced quite readily.

For any victim/target, this process is excruciatingly personal. It may have cost you so much time, your heart, your friends, your family, your self-esteem, your career or your finances. You may have put everything you had and given everything you could to this relationship. It may have become your entire life, even having a family with a Narcissist. For the Narcissist however, the whole process isn’t really personal AT ALL! The Narcissist WILL do the same thing to just about anyone who allowed him/her into their intimate life. We are all reduced to and considered OBJECTS and possible supply – and life is a department store where the Narcissist shops for the SPECIFIC supply they desire – but they would be more aptly described as “shoplifters” because they feel completely entitled to take whatever they desire AND when they desire it!

They will do it again and again to everyone they seduce into their lair of manipulation, lies, and betrayal. It’s not about you or me, and it is not about the other people involved who are new/extra supply, the many partners they were with sexually, the minions the Narcissist employ in their game and set against you, or the many ‘others” the Narcissist used to make you compete and/or jealous – all of this is supply to validate Narcissist’s ego, to give him/her pleasure, to meet his/her fickle needs. No supply means anything more or less than any other supply. NO/minimal contact ALWAYS! Greg

Posted on October 11, 2019, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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