We are or were NEVER alone in this relationship! We are just another OR the next source of supply – nothing more or nothing less!
We are or were NEVER alone in this relationship! We are just another OR the next source of supply – nothing more or nothing less! We may be the PRIMARY source of supply but every person in a Narcissist’s world is supply or another object that they use for some reason or purpose. We are ALL temporary and have an expiration date.
From my Book – Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist!
The Narcissist CHARMS or idealizes his/her victim for a while – just like “courting” in the ‘old’ days. This “courting” period is the most important aspect of the “big con” that the Narcissist is creating personally for us – it is an investment for them and more like a seduction. The Narcissist brings out the best in their target AND mirrors our good qualities back to us. This could be the very reason we think our Narcissist is so AMAZING — because he/she is mirroring our belief system, our code of ethics, our every like and dislike, our morality, they become a part of our family and circle of friends – they are a dream come true – but the dream swiftly turns into a bad nightmare. We are only seeing ourselves being reflected back to us as if the Narcissist has everything in common with our life. These character traits are NON EXISTANT in the Narcissist and this is an insidious betrayal on their part to gain our trust through pretending to be real, as well as faking one of the most beautiful emotions LOVE (which comes with our undying trust), so they can extort our lives and twist our minds to destroy what they can in the process and WHY?
Remember we are never alone in a relationship with a Narcissist. The Narcissist has an adequate amount of supply ALWAYS and they have their “little black book” of minor sources of supply – BUT AGAIN THEY ARE ALWAYS ADEQUATELY SUPPLIED unbeknownst to us. The Narcissist may choose at some point in time to cultivate or activate any of these minor supplies into major supply – maybe more than one at a time. BUT the point here is that we are all just supply – an object that provides something the Narcissist needs – and their needs are many and varied and none of us are any different than any of the other “suppliers.”
We thrive for a time on this amazing charm and adulation from the Narcissist. What human being doesn’t want to be cared for, valued, treasured, recognized at a level where another person falls in love with us and vice versa? It is easy to be enticed and trapped by all this because we grew up with “love stories” and role models that reinforced a loving and growing relationship for life or as near as we could get to that – so basically we followed a dream that everybody else does.
The Narcissist is ‘cunningly’ complimentary of us at times. He/she may have started to compliment us as well as degrade us in the same sentence – this is the start of the slow and insidious abuse – like administering a poison drop by drop. These underhanded verbal putdowns left us confused more times than we care to remember – that is where the clinical term “gas-lighting” came from and where we are left questioning our own ability to think or comprehend normally because of that and the Narcissist’s grand arsenal of tools. It is mass confusion pure and simple and like a ride on an emotional roller coaster with the constant highs and lows and we can’t get off!
As time goes on, the compliments are less frequent. The verbal put downs, the sarcastic comments, and their body language, make us feel that we have done something horribly wrong. This becomes such a familiar scenario and that feeling of love seems to be constantly replaced by so much “blame and shame.” We change our normal to try to keep that spark alive but there was never a flame there in the first place.
There is absolutely NO responsibility or accountability on their part for anything they do. Couple that with the fact that they do not live in accordance with any written or unwritten laws (common decency to other humans), and they act on every impulse that they have without an iota of care when they harm the very person that loves them in the process. Consequently, they lack any and all morals as far as their life is concerned and they may have multiple partners, they are pathological liars, manipulators, thieves, ETC.! Absolute control of their partner is the goal of the Narcissist to extort supply. Here is the thing this is very difficult to identify and understand in the beginning of a relationship with a Narcissist because they are the world’s best CON artist and they mean to con us out of our mind, integrity, finances, self-esteem and anything else they can get their grubby little hands on – so the “game is on” with THEM.
Accordingly, it is easy to falsely blame yourself or to simply justify their bad behaviors. BUT it is through careful observation that you begin to perceive the true intent of the Narcissists hideous manipulative actions. Unfortunately, the Narcissist has to REEL YOU IN to accomplish his/her abusive agenda and they are very stealth characters when it concerns getting supply. They use our emotions to pull us in and basically lock us up in their world. The abuse is slow and hideous and the Narcissist puts a great deal of time to set the target/victim up in the exact manner to bleed them dry – and with the Narcissist investing so much time and energy they most certainly want what they came for and take it – SUPPLY. This is what I have always said is the MOST manipulative and discerning aspect of this abuse. They are just that good to know how to manipulate a person into “falling in love” with them and then using that as the key to unlock our heads and then start disassembling our mental abilities (psychological terrorism) as well as destroying every other aspect of our lives that they can – they basically erase our personality. I just can’t understand the theory that these characters do not realize their disorder? This is serious stuff my friends and something the world needs to see “in living color” so it is understood that this is a well-articulated plan on the part of a disordered person – perhaps premeditated – but let’s just say they KNOW what they are doing and never forget they LIE, LIE, LIE to cover up their abusive actions when they discard EACH AND EVERY target/victim.
Why did we care so much that we tormented ourselves into thinking that it was us and not them? It is all the manipulation that is laid out for us like a road map, STARTING with manipulating us into loving them. Let’s just say that if they are that good to get us to love them, they are going to do equally well or better to get us to believe we are worthless when they devalue and discard us. Almost like a psychological experiment where conditioning is used to train a rat to press a bar to get a treat. After that rat learns that pressing the bar is good and a treat will follow, the researcher now changes the game and shocks the rat intermittently when it presses the bar. That poor rat was conditioned to believe whole ‘rat-heartedly’ to trust its wonderful friend and provider for that food pellet, and now what happened. So that rat just keeps pressing the bar to see if it can get a treat. It keeps pressing that bar, but more than often it gets shocked now – but it just keeps trying and trying again without the slightest knowledge of why things changed. That is conditioning in its most basic form – but the real rat here is the Narcissist and you better believe that the Narcissist is going to shock the “ba-gee-bee’s” out of you too.
So, the abuse continues and the Narcissist will throw their target a ‘bone’ or give us a moment of value and maybe we’ll even get a glimpse of that fake love we once knew. BUT we are now constantly being devalued and all of this is protocol in the Narcissist agenda to abuse their target/victim and get to the final discard. A better way to describe this abuse is like being dragged down a gravel road.
In my experience this went on as long as it amused the Narcissist and damaged me, it was purely sadistic how this Narcissist devalued me time after time. When I had been drained dry and experiencing a tragedy in my life it was time for the final discard. Being discarded from this Narcissist was THE BEST thing that could have happened to ME!
After the Discard comes the feelings of being worthless – but seriously it is the Narcissist who is worthless. This is the abuse in a nutshell – insidious manipulation to suck the life out of a good person and take whatever the Narcissist could. It is brain-washing, gas-lighting, hypnotism or anything that describes sucking the life out of a good person WITHOUT them knowing the game.
We are weak and fragile when we go through the final stages of this abuse – but that is what this Narcissist counts on – that and their smear campaign to convince the rest of the world that we are insane or whatever else they want to accuse us of, but rest assured it will be done in a manner to damage our integrity and silence us so they can move on without being “outed” for the abusive Narcissist they are.
What was it about us that drew the Narcissist to us? Why did the Narcissist target us? What was it that made us so very vulnerable to their abuse? HERE IS THE ANSWER – it was that magnificent con job they created for each of us personally that I outlined above. It doesn’t require a classification of person you are or anything else to justify the abuse – THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE so don’t blame or define yourself within the realms of this abusive relationship ever! Grow with boundaries so it never happens again. It is while you are feeling these things like being weak, fragile and confused that you will call upon an inner strength you never knew you had AND you will recover from this insidious abuse. Just NEVER allow the Narcissist or your abuser to return because they will only twist the knife in your back as often as you allow them to – mine did and it was more hideous each time I allowed it. BUT then the anger and repulsion I felt from realizing the truth enabled me to discard and abandon the monster that played with my life FOREVER. NO CONTACT = YOUR FREEDOM! You ARE and always have been that amazing person and you WILL find your way back again! Greg