Narcissists create and thrive on chaos and crazymaking to keep everyone off balance.
Narcissists create and thrive on chaos and crazymaking to keep everyone off balance. Narcissists push your buttons like you are an elevator, up and down always keeping you off balance, never knowing what level you are on, AND never letting you get off of that elevator.
From my Book – Greg Zaffuto – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist!
THE NARCISSIST (having one of their heart to heart conversations): “You CAN trust me! You can confide in me. I am so glad you trust me enough to talk like this. Talk to me anytime you need a listening ear, I am here for you. I am always on your side! You can tell me anything. I will help you out ALWAYS, just open up to me! Don’t worry because I always have your back. I love you so much and am ALWAYS here for you!” Or if you are a friend or family member the “love bombing” is appropriately adjusted to your position in their life.
Answer or participate in any of these ‘poison conversations’ and you are allowing a Narcissist to uncover your deepest and darkest secrets and insecurities AND they will exploit them completely. They will even fuel a conversation to manipulate you into ‘providing’ personal information about a situation or a person to extort the knowledge and use it against you. What is carefully hidden under their ‘fake’ empathy is an agenda to manipulate and exploit those weaknesses and use them against you in any number of different ways. They will call upon this personal information AT ANY TIME to dehumanize you and invalidate you. They will use your ‘innermost thoughts and secrets’ against you, make themselves ‘in the know’ about personal issues with ‘others’ and negatively triangulate with friends, family and co-workers with that ‘very personal’ information they have gained through sharing. They will withhold their support by knowing and using your weaknesses OR use every bit of personal information against you to manage you down and abuse you psychologically. Calling this a personality disorder is only defining the tip of the iceberg – what is hidden beneath the water is what most people don’t understand as the truth about how disordered and destructive these creatures are!
Narcissists are “crazy-makers” and they thrive on negative and debilitating drama through the manipulation of real facts, lies, triangulating, backstabbing, betrayal, etc. This is all to support the crazy-maker’s agenda to divide and conquer, harm and disable, and essentially destroy people and situations. This is their mechanism to divert reality on a ‘one to one’ (personal level) and within the very groups (organizations) of people they interact with. Wherever and whenever they are present most people have to walk on eggshells and they feel an impending sense of doom. Most EVERY situation can be part of their agenda to support and create their drama. BUT they are stealth operators and can camouflage their crazy making in a manner that it never seems to originate from them as adversity. It is a care or concern and they are just mentioning this to perhaps ‘help out’ but is purely steered and driven by the Narcissist as a destructive agenda to gain control over every situation in life – basically it is backstabbing!
A crazy-maker is someone who makes you feel crazy by constantly stirring up trouble and causing a negative outcome from their involvement and presence in ANY given situation. ‘Normal’ doesn’t serve a Narcissist and their need for power and control, but CHAOS and ‘crazy making’ does! They are always the problem, but nothing is ever their fault.
They cannot sit down and experience a normal or real moment, a memory, or a connection to real happiness within themselves or reflect about their life because there are NONE, only envy of what they can’t achieve, what they don’t have, and what they WANT. Their inner world is angry, dark and lacks complete empathy. They don’t have any internal mechanisms to love or care about anybody so instead they feed their eternal neediness and pathological nature through extreme manipulation and extort what they can from life and people. They create chaos and destruction with their abusive manners to make other’s feel their emptiness as if to pay for their misery and disconnection from real happiness and life. They imitate our good reality to draw us into their life and then into their personal misery by abusing what they can’t ever achieve – our goodness and ability to love.
If they can successfully harm our good intentions and mock our empathy it allows them to deny their own destructive nature and world by making us assume their misery and darkness. Misery loves company as they say and a Narcissist needs to prove to themselves that everyone else is the miserable and the destructive creature that they are through delusional deception and destruction. They use us like a filter to diffuse their negativity and assume our goodness, empathy and love as their own. They wear us like a disguise to walk among the good people to constantly find more and more supply to harvest. Without a mask (false) of real empathy and love, their darkness would expose them and people would avoid every aspect of their being!
They jump from relationship to relationship to create or re-create the security or family they can never have. The pattern is to secure a new person to have constant supply available, morph into this person’s world with the pretense of love, they become bored with the situation because they are UNABLE to have a real relationship built on love, they deny any fault as being their own because they lack all empathy so they blame, devalue, dehumanize, destroy and discard and then move on and REPEAT this cycle with someone new. They never assume any responsibility that they HAD love and a real family BUT destroyed it to support their out-of-control world and perverse actions it was just part of their charade. If you were able to look at their past life in a chronological order you would only see destroyed people and relationships that were all cycles of the same abuse repeated over and over again, and it would stretch back over their entire life.
They create scenarios to discover your weakness or fears, and store them away to manipulate you later. They don’t use language as communication, it is for hiding, deflecting, avoiding, masking, & manipulating because their charm is completely false. They take pride in their own righteousness and rightness. They attempt to belittle any version of reality that conflicts with theirs. They NEVER believe they make mistakes even when they proof is right there in front of them. They have an innate inability to feel, process or truly understand shame from the negative and hurtful things they do to others – they can only blame and apply fault to everybody else. Contradict them a few times and you will feel their out of control Narcissistic rage.
Their conversations and interactions aren’t meant to enlighten, but to confuse, control, and consistently create drama. They are a huge VOID, working to get whatever they can from you – basically they extort life and lives. They expect you to lend a listening ear and give them complete approval. They use emotional withdraw and silencing to create guilt, compliance and control. They will betray personal information and secrets to feel more powerful. They will manipulate and use flattery or protests of their innocence (crying, pleading, and begging) like a stealth weapon to achieve their agenda and get their way. They will use verbal skills to block or deflect accountability for their perverse and out-of-control lifestyle and sift blame onto YOU. They impact lives negatively but miraculously escape exposure even appearing to have some positive effect and you end up the negative aspect of the relationship with them.
Their subconscious mind is where they create a delusional and false ego from which they relate to the whole world. They are their own fictitious creation and story that can change to fit into any and every situation as long as it supports THEIR agenda and you provide them with some sort of service they want AND need (we are only supply to them!)
Real relationships don’t exist for them because people are an expendable objects or supply that they harvest to meet all of their needs and then discard when they have gotten all they can. We are all only part time players on the Narcissist’s stage along with many others. They need primary and secondary supply every waking moment, so they will create one on one relationships to have continual supply and then secure whatever other supply they can from the rest of the world.
They are capable of having more than one relationship going on at the same time with neither participant being the wiser. REMEMBER they are insatiable and inexhaustible as far as their need for supply so the world is like a huge department store for them to get what they need at any time. Unfortunately, their envy of all man/womankind also drives them to destroy those that have realistically believed in them or loved them because they abhor our realty and love because they can’t be anything but the mindless and soulless monster they are. Simply calling this a personality disorder does not aptly describe the hate they display for life and people – the destruction they inflict does describe what and who they are, AND it is criminal!
Their sole pursuit is their omnipotence or to be seen as God’s gift to the world through pathological deception and destructive acts but in reality they are only hiding a very damaged and dark world. There is no ‘fixing’ them, and this is evidenced by the many people that have offered unconditional love to them only to be rejected and destroyed through their efforts. Love can and will heal all and if it doesn’t then it is beyond human capacity to change a person that is this devoid of the natural goodness of life and they are only soulless creatures. Ask yourself why they imitate love, or why they wear it as part of their disguise if not to achieve their destructive agenda. They know it well enough to use it but obviously they can’t be it. Unfortunately, it is a tough lesson with a Narcissist because the result is emotional and psychological abuse. You must gain the knowledge and education to accept this as the truth to be able to move totally on and away from EVERYTHING Narcissist and to gain your real life back after experiencing this abuse. No/minimal contact! Greg