AND the Emmy Award for the best actor/actress goes to ………. the Malignant Narcissist for their realistic role (façade) PORTRAYING that they have empathy, can care, can bond, be a friend, a good parent, a co-worker, a husband/wife, and a person that can love another human being!

AND the Emmy Award for the best actor/actress goes to ………. the Malignant Narcissist for their realistic role (façade) PORTRAYING that they have empathy, can care, can bond, be a friend, a good parent, a co-worker, a husband/wife, and a person that can love another human being!

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

You, me and most of the world mistake what ‘drives’ the Narcissist’s as real emotions, care, friendship, bonding, empathy, and love BUT it was purely manipulation and a hideous betrayal to make us TRUST them and believe in the big ‘CON JOB!’ The Narcissist dances the relationship dance with you giving the appearance of being motivated by some form of relationship and having the same direction to pursue this relationship as you have.

They talk the talk, walk the walk, and speak the words (really lies) of love and fidelity which reassures and confirms that you both are on the same page AND it is LOVE. Meanwhile, they feel a complete aversion to any real intimacy. They are not connecting to you on any earthly emotional level, but you are completely unaware of this and the real distance and dysfunction that defines their ‘personality disorder’ – well at least not yet. No, they are after something very different than what you are after. They are seeking out a full or part-time candidate to serve them, but they will also have other part-timers on the side providing and fulfilling many other services. In time when you leave them or are discarded AND amazed that they have moved on so quickly, you have to realize that they didn’t move on they just moved over a little bit to another source of supply that was probably always there. They are like the Pied Piper that plays that magical flute that seduces all types of people to follow him/her wherever the Pied Piper wants them to go. You are not even aware of the other people that are right there with you because all you hear is that magical tune.

That grandiose, omnipotent and false self is nothing but a concocted and ever-changing role or facade the Narcissist creates so that they fit into our world like puzzle pieces. They create different roles to match the needs of the next AND the next person that they are conning into their world. We are only a reflection in the Narcissist’s many mirrors that reflect that grand image back to them and makes them feel real. The Narcissist is incapable of feeling, or experiencing emotions, love, growth or any human dynamic that involves any type of relationship with another. Relationships to them are a means to an end and that is basically extracting supply or conning people into believing they are real participants so the Narcissist can extort what they can OR use a particular person to gain something that they need. The Narcissist has fully mastered this dynamic or process of conning the world with the ever-changing charades they play with life because the payoff is huge and the only way they can survive in the REAL world. Their image is also important in this process so they APPEAR to be normal, moral and good because they have to keep their personal demons at bay through their projection or the real ugly projection that defines them! They are really great actors that take on whatever role will benefit them the most as far as a payoff! You and I are only bit players that support that role and make them look good until they find that NEW role and new players.

Narcissists will take advantage of any vulnerability using shame, guilt, and fear to make a target feel worthless by highlighting or embellishing the simple insecurities they may have. This could even be done in a manner where the Narcissist will make fun of the target/victim’s physical attributes in a cruel overt manner.

A Narcissist’s actions, promises or reality in every situation are totally out of alignment. They ALWAYS say one thing and do another. For example, they preach morality BUT they have no morals and act on their impulses regularly. They may PRETEND to follow a religious doctrine and praise themselves for religious values but actually possess NONE of these values whatsoever. In actuality they ARE the very sinners that they are denouncing, preaching about, and pointing fingers at. They will condemn YOU for the very things they are doing and always leaving you with your jaw dropping to the ground wondering what they are accusing you of and why they are doing it.

Now, in the end YOU will be blamed for the truth – the truth that you uncover that they are ONE HUGE lie all wrapped up in that façade and hidden behind that mask. Narcissists are ALWAYS the victim and very adept at shifting blame to all others for everything that is wrong and never consider how they contribute to and cause the issues and their own unhappiness. They shift responsibility to make you seem bad and crazy in an effort to shame you into submission. They will punish you for their own offenses as well – that is what we are “employed” for by the Narcissist. We are here to serve them, save them, take care of their every need, change their diapers, accept all of their faults as if they are our own, allow them to betray us and accept it as well as be blamed for it, we must allow them to extort everything they can from us, and we are not allowed to view any of this as anything but a privilege to be in their company. If we follow all of these rules we are allowed to have a connection with them and even love them but we must also pay the price for this wonderful relationship by being stripped of our integrity, self-esteem and driven to insanity from their delusional abuse.

The emotionally unavailable behavior of a Narcissists quite clearly points to the fact that this is a relationship that is totally one-sided and DESTRUCTIVE. The façade to cover up the Narcissist’s delusional and harmful aspects describes the reality of the destruction and damage they impart onto their targets/victims. They blow hot and cold in their relationships, they’re self-centered, they have an entitlement mentality and they don’t take responsibility for any of their actions AT ALL, and they have NO EMPATHY at all. They have difficulty forming attachment bonds with others and tend to have huge emotional walls built because of their disorder that doesn’t allow any real bonding to occur. They can’t even form a real bond with their biological children and can dump them just as easy as anybody else! The Narcissist will fight you tooth and nail to escape from being exposed even if this means completely destroying you and your integrity as well as leaving a family behind. No/minimal contact to break the cycle of this abuse. Greg

Posted on September 11, 2019, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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