We MUST have clarity about this abuse and a solid plan to move forward to get healthy that includes knowledge, education, support and BOUNDAIRES.

We MUST have clarity about this abuse and a solid plan to move forward to get healthy that includes knowledge, education, support and BOUNDAIRES.

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

If you have been in a relationship with a Narcissist – idealized and later devalued and discarded, you were more than likely shocked or even blown away at the turnaround or ‘about face’ concerning your Narcissists relationship with you. One day you wake up and this Narcissist hates you and is acting out against you, smearing your good name and destroying your integrity to everyone and ultimately trying to ruin your valuable relationships with friends, family as well as your co-workers and career. WITHOUT A DOUBT, this was inevitable with a Narcissist. You did nothing wrong to cause that change and the demise of the relationship you had with them. If you’re not 100% on their page, if you are not completely accepting of them, if you do not show complete admiration, if you are not a perfect mirror to the narcissist, you are branded as bad and will be devalued as is the fate of every person that has had any sort of relationship with a Narcissist. It’s simply the Narcissist’s way of viewing the world. KEEP IN MIND that you are not dealing with a fully functioning human being that has any empathy for life, or any semblance of morality, or the ability to tell the truth AND you must completely accept their disordered life of lies or you are discarded and destroyed. It is the Narcissist that is bad to the bone – and it is as if they ritualistically project their negative and abusive life onto every person that loves them – this includes family and even their biological children. We have to come to terms that they are pathological liars, psychological terrorists and abusers that destroy lives.

We must internalize the truth to get healthy again and work with solutions for OUR personal recovery. You must also educate yourself about this personality disorder for CLARITY or you will be pulled back into the abuse with their lies and manipulation. Block their narcissistic behaviors and completely ignore them and remove any narcissistic supply that they are getting from you. They hate to be ignored, and will move on to someone else for new Narcissistic supply. They CAN and will blind sight you with crazy making and chaos and you will spend your entire life in a dance with the Narcissist until one day you wake up and you have lost sight of who you are and where your life has gone. Don’t try to reason with them because they simply refuse to confront their own behaviors or acknowledge that they have ANY problem at all. Communication with them will only create a frenzy of crazy making that will create more negativity because they live this way. You can’t rationalize with a Narcissist because where there is no reality there is no truth. Lies are the tools they utilize which are always meant to harm others.

Lastly, you must Identify and build strong personal boundaries against the narcissist or they will continually violate you. These boundaries MUST include emotional, mental, and even physical boundaries, and the boundaries MUST be strong, enforceable, and completely leak-proof.

There are situations where you HAVE to deal with a Narcissist – especially if you have children together, or they are a family member. So to cope with a Narcissist effectively you must be able to differentiate between reality and normalcy that is YOU AND YOUR REAL LIFE as compared to the constant drama, chaos and crazy making that orbits around the Narcissist constantly. You must consistently validate your own personal existence and morals, and hold on to yourself with a firm grip, never allowing the narcissist to drag you back into the abuse by violating and controlling your emotions, thoughts, or behaviors like they did. If you don’t, they will eat you alive and drag you back into the abuse with their vast array of manipulation, lies, betrayal, brain-washing and essentially psychological ABUSE!

In the end you will realize that there was absolutely nothing you gained from your relationship with a Narcissist except getting your freedom back to live a normal and healthy life again. Your empathy and emotions connected you to them at the hip – we call this “love” in a normal relationship, but unfortunately there was not even an ounce or shred of normalcy/reality in our association with them. It was a master of deception extorting every aspect of our life mentally and physically.

A wounded narcissists will strike out to protect themselves from ANY accountability and exposure of who and what they really are – and when they attack they mean to destroy their target/victim no matter what it takes. They will involve anybody and everybody that will listen to their lies — and those lies are always so horrendous in nature that it is literally impossible for ‘unknowing/unfamiliar listeners’ NOT to take some notice to what the narcissist is saying. That is the plan – as much damage as possible! NO/minimal contact always. Greg

Posted on September 10, 2019, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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