YES – always beware of the HOOVERING or the Narcissists that returns! Some important things to ALWAYS consider with a Narcissist.

YES – always beware of the HOOVERING or the Narcissists that returns! Some important things to ALWAYS consider with a Narcissist.

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

This is so true! When someone treats you with disrespect, hurts you, abandons you, lies to you, betrays you, manipulates you, etc., do NOT allow them back into your life because of a few complimentary words, a birthday wish, their fake charm, or out of the blue they run into you. A malignant narcissist does NOT change and will always try to drag you back into the abuse if you allow it and they will devalue you and abandon you once more — AND if you allow it they will repeat it over and over again until they find a new and fulltime source of supply. Remember the truth of who and what they are.

We are in only in denial whenever we consider getting back together with him/her. When you catch yourself replaying those old message of, “He/she is really not that bad. He/she really does care, love me, or is a really good friend or family member. I am not perfect either so if we wipe the slate clean and start over again MAYBE this time it will work!” FORGET IT – that Narcissist is that bad and worse! They don’t care or love you even in the smallest way. That Narcissist is not capable of loving you or anyone else because deep down inside they loathe themselves and all people because they lack the internal mechanisms to bond, have empathy, or create healthy relationships. They only view you as an object to control and to bolster their empty and false image. We are all props that they use in their distorted, twisted fantasy world in which they are special, entitled, above reproach and not subject to the rules of civility and decency most of us abide by, AND in their world they can and will abuse people.

If you think you can help the Narcissist to see the truth about themselves or the way they treated you in the relationship in order to get them to change, you are only in denial. Even when this Narcissist is hurling the most abusive poison at you, in the Narcissist’s mind, they believe that they are being magnanimous for pointing out the error of your ways, so you can improve yourself and be the person THEY DESERVE. In their mind, you should be grateful that they take time from her their busy schedule to criticize, abuse and be condescending to you. When they cheat on you it is because you deserve it for not meeting their every need – and they justify it as being your fault that they had to find WHAT THEY NEEDED elsewhere. They see nothing wrong with it, or that they lied to cover it up, or that YOU better never do the same thing to them. The sun rises and sets on them. They create all the rules and never abide by any of them. This is what a Narcissist does – AVOIDS reality and allow themselves the freedom to do anything they want at will because they are completely entitled to do so no matter how it may harm somebody else EVEN their own biological children! So how do we fix any of that – we DON’T.

You DON’T bargain with someone so that they treat you well. Being treated with kindness, decency, consideration, respect and acceptance should be a prerequisite for an intimate relationship (or any relationship,) not something you are rewarded with for meeting one of the Narcissist’s unreasonable demands or if the Narcissist is trying to manipulate you into fulfilling their agenda by making you a source of supply. Either a person is capable of a reciprocal relationship or they are not. It doesn’t matter what you do or how nice, patient and understanding you are with a Narcissist. They are what they are, a controlling, cruel, abusive, emotional predator and bully. You can’t appease a bully or persuade them to be nice to you. If you do, they will only see you as weak and bulldoze you all the more and that is what the Narcissist does in the devaluation stage. This predator will always devalue and discard EVERY person that has some sort of relationship with them. They are omnipotent and superior in their own minds. In the reality they are damaged, dysfunctional and destructive abusers – but you will NEVER get them to see this.

We have to GET THIS and then leave it behind and concentrate on us! No/minimal contact is just the reality and we MUST get there to start on a journey which is almost a rebirth to accept that there are bad people out there. BUT we must be able to trust again with our new boundaries. We must live with this as the new message that is always in the back of our mind. We must create these boundaries to protect ourselves and we MUST find and heal the wounds that allowed this predator to enter into our world. Any pain and anger that you feel is the reality that you are moving forward by accepting the ugly truth. Don’t allow the pain to define your progress, but instead allow the strength that allows you to get through that pain to define your progress instead. Yes you are stronger than you believe because you are still here today and every new day is just more proof of your strength and determination! Greg

Posted on August 25, 2019, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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