Psychological and emotional abuse is a grooming process whereby the abuser conditions or ‘manages down’ the target/victim through subtle to extreme CONTROL.
Psychological and emotional abuse is a grooming process whereby the abuser conditions or ‘manages down’ the target/victim through subtle to extreme CONTROL. It makes the target/victim feel like they are ALWAYS walking on eggshells or better yet broken glass having to watch every single step they take for fear of personal devaluation, cruelty, or being diminished.
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – from Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
There are so many tactics that a Narcissist uses to do this that every aspect of the target/victims conscious world is manipulated into dealing with the abuse tactics and this diverts and warps a target/victims reality over time. It becomes a 24/7 or full time job as it concerns the target/victim dealing with so many mind games that are thrown their way. It literally causes their world to fall apart around them.
The Narcissist disallows individualism in favor of this complete compliance and adoration of themselves. Failure to do so will only lead to stronger attacks to comply or else. There is no reward for meeting the Narcissist’s needs because they will demand more and more. The target/victim is drained of their self-esteem and reality and the Narcissist will only go in for the kill with more dehumanizing, destruction and ‘smearing’ their target/victim and then abandoning them and moving on to abuse another.
Narcissists are CRAZY-MAKERS! A crazy-maker is someone who makes you feel diminished, confused, controlled, and crazy by constantly stirring up chaos/trouble and causing a negative outcome from their involvement and presence in any given situation. ‘Normal’ doesn’t serve a Narcissist and their need for power and control, but CHAOS and ‘crazy making’ does! They are always the problem, but nothing is ever their fault.
They cannot sit down and experience a normal or real moment, a memory, or a connection to real happiness within themselves or reflect about their life because there are NONE, only envy of what they can’t achieve. Their inner world is angry, dark and lacks complete empathy. They don’t have any internal mechanisms to love or care about anybody so instead they feed their eternal neediness and pathological nature through extreme manipulation. They create chaos and destruction with their abusive manners to make other’s feel their emptiness as if to pay for their misery and disconnection from real happiness and life. They imitate our reality to draw us into their life and then into their personal misery by abusing what they can’t ever achieve – our goodness and ability to love.
They create scenarios to discover your weakness or fears and store them away to manipulate you later. They don’t use language as communication, it is for hiding, deflecting, avoiding, masking, & manipulating because their charm is completely false. They take pride in their own righteousness and rightness. They attempt to belittle any version of reality that conflicts with theirs. They NEVER believe they make mistakes even when they proof is right there in front of them. They have an innate inability to feel, process or truly understand shame from the negative and hurtful things they do to others – they can only blame and apply fault to everybody else. Contradict them a few times and you will feel their out of control narcissistic rage.
Their conversations and interactions aren’t meant to enlighten, but to confuse, control, and consistently create drama. They are a huge VOID, working to get whatever they can from you – basically they extort life and lives. They expect you to lend a listening ear and give them complete approval. They use emotional withdraw and silencing to create guilt, compliance and control. They will betray personal information and secrets to feel more powerful. They will manipulate and use flattery or protests of their innocence (crying, pleading, and begging) like a stealth weapon to achieve their agenda and get their way. They will use verbal skills to block or deflect accountability for their perverse and out-of-control lifestyle and sift blame onto YOU. They impact lives negatively but miraculously escape exposure even appearing to have some positive effect and you end up the negative aspect of the relationship with them. There is nothing about them worth putting any more time or energy into – because they are what they are and will NOT change. No/minimal contact! Greg