We are only an investment to the Narcissist that they want a return from.
We are an ONLY an investment to a Narcissist and they work hard to keep their return (you and I) providing them with supply. But the work or investing in us isn’t anything near a real relationship – it is about keeping us in line or controlled to get the most they can until they find another source. When we stop giving them what they want and they lose control over their investment – then we see that horrendous toxicity appear.
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
Being amoral or just numb to the existence of morality as far as the Narcissist’s life is concerned is based solely on what the Narcissist wants and that involves controlling all of their victims to get it. It is like a cantankerous, irrational three-year-old child throwing a tantrum if they don’t get their way. The Narcissist never gives up the argument. That Narcissist is standing there in front of you to win. If you engage the Narcissist, he/she will pull you down to their level. Keep engaging in an argument with a Narcissist and he/she brings it down to another level, and another level AND to a level lower than you care to stoop to, so you just stop then and there because it is just futile to go on anymore. The Narcissist has no self-respect, and behaving this way is not beneath them because it is part of their agenda
They don’t stop there because they will pull in their minions to fight their fight! In all honesty the Narcissist has the mentality of a playground bully. They will incorporate other kids that are weaker and smaller than them with threats to join in on their imaginary fights or else. There will always be someone that asserts their individuality in the playground and that Narcissist will gang up on and harm whomever with the help of their little gang. Be assured you will be run off of that playground just for being you and not buying into the Narcissistic bullying, control, dysfunction and games. You may even get the Narcissist’s Mommy knocking at your door and really get in trouble. They play their control games to win.
But, no matter how big a lie or how big a fit the Narcissist throws if you allow it you are enabling the Narcissist’s lies, manipulation and CONTROL and that is a huge mistake no matter what the cost is to you otherwise. It facilitates the Narcissist’s delusions, and it gives them a power rush and that CONTROL they desperately need. Thus the Narcissists is cramming his/her delusion through insults to your intelligence down your throat. You are spoiling that Narcissistic brat/bully and allowing the monster to grow and take over completely. Unfortunately people make this mistake because of the Narcissists GOOD qualities that preempted the appearance of this raging bully.
The Narcissist makes an investment based on people whose role is designed to applaud, admire, adore, approve and attend to the narcissist’s every need. Extracting this Narcissistic Supply from them calls for emotional and cognitive investments from supply to lock them in. In turn it provides the Narcissist stability, perseverance, long-term presence, attachment, forced collaboration, unreal emotional agility (Narcissist fakes this), and people skills and so on and so forth – it makes them seem real to us and the world. Unfortunately, nobody can be held to the Narcissists rigid standards and we all fall short of their expectations and graces far too easily. We can’t live life as a statue for the Narcissist to adorn his/her façade, because we live, breath and think as an individual human being in a world where interactions are real. Everyone has an expiration date with a Narcissist. No/minimal contact to start on your journey to recovery. Greg