They are VERY shrewd manipulators, using triangulation, backstabbing and smearing to avoid accountability and hide from the truth that they (the narcissist) are liars, con artists, manipulators, and ABUSIVE.
They are VERY shrewd manipulators, using triangulation, backstabbing and smearing to avoid accountability and hide from the truth that they (the narcissist) are liars, con artists, manipulators, and ABUSIVE. They use subtle techniques as if they are ‘so concerned,’ but yet their message is directly aimed at destroying the integrity of their victim. It is not only restricted to our friends, family, co-workers or anybody else in our lives — they also do this to us in reverse by saying people talk about us too.
From my Book – Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm t Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
The Narcissist skillfully weaves their manipulation into our lives to make us become dependent on them by distorting and destroying everything around us that is real to us. They make us believe in them as if they ALONE are our savior to blind us from reality. They tell us how people talk about us, or this or that person is not good for us. They love us and ONLY want to protect us with this truth and HELP us, but they are subtly planting these distorted messages in us to get us to believe in them completely and isolate us and keep us close to them alone! These messages do their magic by making us feel worthless and as if something is terribly wrong with our lives and with us. In this process they are also gathering personal information from us to USE AGINST US too. So they are also telling these very people that love us that WE are also talking about them and they need to be CAREFUL as it concerns THEIR connection with us. They are using the familiarity of personal stories we shared with them AGAINST us.
This is triangulation where they pit one person against the other! They are destroying everything we love and cherish so that we become totally dependent on them. That is the addiction and trauma bond that is forced into our reality. Who do you turn to when you hear that everything around you or about you is so terribly wrong? The person that is standing directly in front of you that is a friend, family member or the person you love, in reality is the very person that is poisoning your life. When I look back, if I had a dollar for every time I heard that SOMEBODY was saying negative things about me, even Psychiatrists that were evaluating me and telling my Narcissist I was unstable, family members, co-workers – EVERYBODY, I would be a millionaire ten times over! As silly and unreal as that sounds I am not kidding or exaggerating! A Narcissist does this very subtly and they are seamless at weaving their triangulation with little tiny bits of truth and lies into your conscious world to make it seem plausible. I was an emotional punching bag to a highly disordered and not fully functioning human being. I finally got it and pushed forward and totally away from it and back to reality where I was before I fell into this devastating abuse and today I am so much better as if I walked away from some sort of darkness and back into light, life and love again!
Let’s go a bit further: We must understand that there are two essential and distinct parts to accepting the TRUTH or how they BETRAY us so we can start on our personal journey to recovery. They are the emotional and intellectual realities. Intellectually it is understanding this personality disorder to basically get you to your ‘ah ha’ moment that this was not anything near this care, friendship, or love you believe/believed in but the actions of a person suffering from an extreme personality disorder conning your emotions and using you too. Emotions are not as easy to untangle especially when it involves that amazing thing called love that connects you to this disordered creature and distorts the truth and your reality. BUT we ARE able to fall out of love and it is so important to fall out of this toxic and poisonous love with both perspectives to see the clearer and bigger picture that it was purely destructive to you and meant to be. There was NO REAL CARE or LOVE there – but instead a highly dysfunctional and abusive person! No/minimal contact always. Greg