Narcissists abuse every aspect of our lives – even the trusted secrets and intimate details of our past that we unfortunately shared with them – AND – they used our secrets to their advantage to malign us to friends, family, co-workers, or anybody that would listen.
They abuse every aspect of our lives – even the trusted secrets and intimate details of our past that we unfortunately shared with them – AND – they used our secrets to their advantage to malign us to friends, family, co-workers, or anybody that would listen.
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – Fromm Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
The Narcissist’s self-regulating and controlling mechanics always involves pulling people into their lair and extracting PERSONAL information from them AND in turn using this information for whatever GAIN they desire or to use against them!
They can somehow twist personal or private information they know about anybody, and subtly say just enough to make it real to their listener and seem like they are ‘in the know’ about something that damages the target/victim. Basically they use familiarity from knowing us and turn it against us. That familiarity is what brings SOME credence to their twisted story and lies so nobody is ever the wiser to their shrewd and slimy tactics. The listener will NEVER see the person they are destroying or present in any conversation to have the opportunity to defend themselves or speak out about the accusations against them, NO with a Narcissist it is always the cowardly approach to silently talk behind everybody’s back, or back-stabbing! They will also triangulate by making YOU believe that somebody is doing the same to you – again part of the ‘divide and conquer’ technique they utilize.
When you have been backstabbed or smeared by a Narcissist and it is never a simple matter of embarrassment, it is a complete and destructive campaign waged against you to completely destroy your integrity. Unfortunately once engaged in this smear campaign the target/victim is damned if they do or damned if they don’t. Try to respond to the allegations against you and you only seem defensive and guilty. Ignore the accusations and you are left in the position of BEING guilty.
Let’s add to the equation as it concerns their minions and co-conspirators – they are only an extension of the Narcissist AND a major part of the Narcissist’s abusive methodology. A Narcissist uses every opportunity to feign attention to themselves as well as securing their little toxic playmates to be there right alongside of them when they decide to wage their battles. BUT the minions cause just as much havoc in our lives because they are supporting the Narcissist’s agenda. There is strength in numbers and that is what the Narcissist’s goal is here by pulling in the troops to spread the POISON! Really minions are just co-conspirators or co-abusers and should be treated as such by employing the same no-contact rule as with the Narcissist. Anybody that will basically join in on a disordered agenda that aims at destroying another person has serious issues and they are dangerous people to do what they do so never engage with them. My point is that you cannot engage with ANYBODY that is in the Narcissist’s circle because they also want you to engage in their crazy making and pull you back into their contemptuous abuse.
The Narcissist’s world is so distorted and toxic. They live in pure denial of their sickness. They mean to hurt and destroy people, family, organizations or essentially anything that they participate in. Backstabbing, smearing, triangulation, manipulation, and lying are their tools to create chaos, damage people, create fear, and silence people. All of this of course falls under ‘no contact’ because the only way to shut this cruel creature out is to completely remove yourself from any attachment, especially your emotional ties with them. Yes we loved what amounts to a monster! The Narcissist’s backstabbing and smear campaign is their way of hatefully acknowledging OUR denying them of their fake reality and identifying/exposing them AS THE ABUSER THEY ARE. The only viable solution is moving on and away from them with no/minimal contact!