They blame us for everything they did to us and everything THEY are.
Sound familiar – YES – this is the chaotic, crazy, demeaning, and backward world of dealing with a Narcissist. They blame us for everything they did to us and everything THEY are.
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist.
Narcissists are amoral or just numb to the existence of morality – and as far as their integrity goes it is solely based on what the Narcissist wants/needs AT THE MOMENT and very changeable to FIT those needs. With them it is always about getting a reaction or making US react to throw us off balance. It is like a cantankerous, irrational three-year-old child (brat) throwing a tantrum. The Narcissist never gives up an argument – and who is always blamed – YOU and I. That Narcissist is standing there in front of you to win, create chaos, and to CONTROL. If you engage the Narcissist, he/she will pull you down to their level. Keep engaging in an argument with a Narcissist and he/she brings it down to another level, and another level AND to a level lower than you care to stoop to, so you just stop then and there because it is just futile to go on anymore. The Narcissist has no self-respect, and behaving this way is not beneath them.
Here is a big ‘ah ha’ moment and guess what? That is exactly what the Narcissist wants – a negative reaction to debase you. I call this their ‘hit and run’ diversion. It is intended to make you feel a multitude of things, but basically invalidated and derailed like a train wreck. This small example really outlines the dynamics of the slow and insidious abuse that a Narcissist USES to debase and destroy their targets self-esteem. Remember that this relationship started out with so much love (love bombing) that had you dependent upon a day to day ‘loving’ relationship with them.
Now you are standing in front of them and they look like big boys and girls (adults) but they are dragging you back to your days at the playground and if you don’t play exactly the way they want you to play or their version of “make believe” they will throw you off of the merry-go-round and then blame YOU for their actions. YES they are the bad playground bullies – but so much worse because they will abuse everyone that is in their lives — and the reason is because you have a role to provide them with a need and soon they will no longer need you and you will be devalued and discarded. Everyone has an expiration date with a Narcissist based on needs. No/minimal contact! Greg