Everything a Narcissist says are merely words to manipulate the present situation into whatever it is they want.
Everything a Narcissist says to us are merely words to manipulate the present situation into whatever direction they want it to go – both positive and negative – or to get something they are after. Their words lack any semblance of truth and are usually the very opposite of what they really mean!
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist.
It is hard if not impossible to fully wrap our heads around the outlandish behavior of a Narcissist or their psychopathic mindset, so we really shouldn’t try to as it relates to attempting to figure them out OR debate them. Narcissists INVEST in the very words they use at every moment in their life – it is done to provide them with new opportunities – there is no rhyme or reason to it except to con or manipulate somebody. I believe they even have their own language patterns and it is delusional at its basis and only ‘doubletalk’ to meet their agenda to extort other people’s lives. We must really understand that everything that comes out of them have NO basis of truth to them – again everything is connected to the bigger picture to manipulate people, charm or harm them, anger, divide and conquer, backstab, smear, devalue, objectify them, and control them.
They are only seducers that use their ‘word scripts’ to extort life and people. If I had to interpret and give some examples of their words, it would go like this:
1. “I love you” means “I want something to give me a ‘high’ at this very moment like a drug addict taking a hit from their favorite drug.”
2. “I would NEVER intentionally hurt you” literally translates to “Watch your back because I can’t be trusted as far as I can be thrown, so I am gathering up all the information I can to smear you, back-stab you and WOUND you so you learn to fear my wrath!”
3. “You love me, and you know it” translates to “You WILL forgo any and all of your needs and bend to my will and ALL of MY needs.”
4. “Trust me” means “Tell me what I want to know so I can use it to get what I want as well as use it against you when I have to.”
5. “You are the love of my life,” translates into “You are just the next one of a long list or sequence of targets/victims that will be used and abused.”
6. “Mutual monogamy or fidelity” means “you WILL be faithful to me while I cheat on you.”
7. “Betrayal” in the Narcissist’s mind is defined and justified with this – “How dare you disapprove of something/anything I did or said. You broke MY laws, didn’t follow my rules and you disobeyed ME. I will show you what happens, AND you must and will be punished.”
8. “Mutual commitment” translates into “Everything in your life revolves around me and me alone, BUT I will do exactly what I want.”
9. “Honesty” never means the truth “It is the Narcissist saying whatever words I need to say to get me what I want at the moment.”
10. “I miss you SO MUCH” means “I miss the function you play in my life as supply, but there are plenty of other objects I can play with when I need MORE and better supply.
11. “I love you like no other, we ARE soul mates” means “I’ll give you attention, flattery, gifts, and ‘love bomb’ you to death only until I hook you emotionally and gain your trust so I can extort everything I can from you and your life, and then I am out of here.”
12. For the extra supply on the side that the Narcissist has – “My wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend doesn’t really love me or satisfy me” really interprets to ‘Neither will you, in a few weeks or months, at most and I will toss you aside too.”
13. “We are MEANT to be together forever” means “ABIDE by my rules because I own you completely while I remain free to do as I please.”
14. “We can and will work this out.” means “But it is NEVER my fault. If I did something you believe is harmful, you are over-reacting OR it’s because your services weren’t good enough for me.”
Knowledge is power in understanding that at the basis of their personality disorder they are deceptive and abusive. We are just the objects that they use, abuse and then discard when we have served a particular purpose in their lives. That is all there is to it – people and things are used to fill in the blanks in their lives and there are many blanks. Unfortunately, they will always introduce chaos into the mix, as well as devaluing their objects once they are done with them. To many of us we felt a bond or even love, and we believed in them. When we learn the truth it is traumatizing to say the least and that is why we are here trying to organize our thoughts around all of this, as well as our heart and soul to accept this horrible truth and move forward to a healthy life again and learning how to trust. You, me and all of us can do this because we are amazing and cohesive beings that can overcome anything when we try. If you can take one thing with you today just know that you were not a fool to believe in them, or defective in some manner – you did NOT want abuse nor allow it – you were managed down into what became a desperate love and manipulated/brainwashed into a very unhealthy lifestyle – this was emotional/psychological abuse. Believe in yourself now more than ever! Greg