Cognitive Dissonance – accepting the truth you believed in for so long is ALL A LIE and trying to find a new and consistent truth in all of the inconsistency!
Cognitive dissonance – accepting that the truth you believed for so long is all a lie and trying to find a new and consistent truth in all of the inconsistency now.
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
The tools of their trade that tricked us right into their agenda! At any given moment there are lies to cover the their delusional truths, manipulation to confound and confuse you, betrayal to hurt what you believe is real, back-stabbing to undermine your integrity, triangulation to destroy your immediate circle of friends and family, love-bombing to make you believe the Narcissist is true to you, blame and shame to make you believe you are the destructive force in this relationship, withholding to condition you to react as the Narcissist wants you to, raging to make you fearful of your existence, hate to reduce you to feeling anguish, name calling or making fun of you to steal your self-esteem, projection to make you out to be the force behind the destruction and deny you any semblance of your own reality, silencing to invalidate your individualism, punishment to make you accept their way or accept harm as a consequence, smearing to destroy your complete integrity so the Narcissist can escape exposure, AND many more avenues that a disordered Narcissist will travel to abuse their target/victim. We must never allow this to be defined as just a personality disorder and give it credence and acceptability – IT IS A DESTRUCTIVE AND DEBILITATING ABUSE!
It was all one big lie and the person you cared about or likely loved (depending on if it was a relationship, family member, close friend, co-worker, etc.) never existed within the realm of what you believed was a real relationship of ANY type! Those ‘charming declarations’ and/or love-bombing were tactics and part of their disordered manipulation to gain control over you and your emotions and to pull you into a specific agenda for THEIR gain only. It is very, very hard to internalize that what you believed in was just all a huge lie and con! Their whole life is a lie and every person that has ever had any sort of relationship with them succumbs to this – we are only a convenience to a Narcissist. They will wear a different disguise to lure a new target/victim in and it is solely based on opportunity or what the target has to offer that the Narcissist needs or can use. It is the SAME cycle that they use to abuse every new target into their agenda. Once we get this we must NEVER allow them an opportunity to ever abuse us again! NO/minimal contact to break the cycle of this abuse and to move forward to recovery. Greg