Emotional and Psychological Abuse.
Emotional and Psychological Abuse!
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
Ask yourself how many times this has happened in ANY relationship you have had – be it a spouse, partner, friend, mother, father, sister, brother, co-worker, professional you seek out for care or help, boss, or any other person in your life. Emotional abuse is ABUSE pure and simple – and there is absolutely NO excuse for it, NOR do you deserve it, nor must you try to reconcile it EVER. Knowledge and education are imperative to recovering and being able to thrive — to accomplish this we must learn from our experiences and form healthy boundaries that disallow any toxic person from having access to our life.
OK, so some information/questions to help you understand some of the mechanics of emotional and psychological abuse that will hopefully help you release from the blame and shame that the Narcissist dumped into your head. You don’t deserve to carry a debt for the time you spent with this person or the ABUSE. You ARE a normal and loving human being that is equipped with empathy and you proved that all along. Do you ever remember feeling like this before you got involved with this Narcissist? NO, unless you were with another Narcissist. You didn’t magically go from a good person to an insensitive, non-caring person that could do nothing right in this crazy and debilitating relationship. You are not crazy or insane either. You were emotionally/psychologically abused by a very defective person that ultimately managed you down more and more until eventually you lost sight of the real you. You will become that real person you once were because unlike the Narcissist WE ARE ABLE TO CHANGE. You were disabled by the extreme tactics used on you. With introspection, time, support and real love, you can and will turn around. It is time for you to BELIEVE in yourself completely and discard everything and anything about what this Narcissist made you believe about yourself. They were a nightmare in your life, and now that you are awake and free from them it is time to put the real perspective or truth back into your reality that you are a normal and amazing person that has the tools to become whole again. You really have to use them to succeed, so PLEASE no/minimal contact to start you out on that road to recovery!
My ‘ah ha’ quiz:
The “Ah Ha” quiz! Do any of these statements define you, or have you experienced any of the following?
1. Do you always seem to feel physically tense, anxious, some aches and pains, stomach ache, fast heart rate, difficulties breathing and constantly fatigued?
2. D you never seem to know what to expect at any given moment on any given day with this PARTICULAR person? Do you feel like everything is about to turn upside down, even if you have a nice day planned? Do you feel like you just never know if some small thing is going to turn into an argument, or you will be raged at, made fun of, or silenced and punished? Is your husband, wife, friend, partner, brother, sister, father or mother seemingly caring and considerate one moment and then coldly dismisses you the next moment with no warning and no justification?
3. Have you developed a severely damaged sense of self-worth and self-esteem and always seem to be second guessing yourself or your worth in every situation with this person?
4. Does EVERYTHING seem to have a negative spin attached to it? How you cook, how you clean, a gift you give, what you wear, your friends, your job, and your looks – everything is a TARGET FOR NEGATIVE COMMENTS?
5. Do you have had prolonged bouts of depression and anxiety? Do you seem to cycle in and out of these periods of depression and anxiety and this seems to be in direct correlation with the chronological time you have spent with this person?
6. Do you doubt your own existence and your sense of reality as if somebody has kidnapped your spirit? Do you question your very own belief system?
7. Do you experience lack of sleep for prolonged periods of time?
8. Do you feel as if you are not a real person in your relationship, more like a pet that is trained to do tricks like jumping through hoops, etc.?
9. Do you feel as if you are not allowed to voice your own thoughts and opinions or you will be put in your place, raged at and even punished for being and individual with a voice?
10. Do you feel it is an enormous struggle to be heard or acknowledged as an individual in this particular relationship?
11. Do you feel that every problem in your relationship is somehow your fault and you are always blamed and shamed for everything?
12. Do you have experience exaggerated feelings of guilt and shame?
13. Are you always drawn back into trying to fix or relate to him/her even though you only experience pain/blame/shame in doing so? Does it seem like it has become a vicious cycle that seems to only get worse?
14. Do you feel trapped as if in an impossible situation, unable to find a way out?
15. Do you feel as if you have to fight all the time and are worn out and exhausted or basically forced into a corner all the time?
16. Are constantly feeling confusion with racing thoughts, as if you are losing your mind trying to find some sort of peace?
17. Do you feel as if you are surrounded by constant negativity? Everything you do, everything you say is met with some sort of comment that negates you or an action you do.
18. Do arguments seem to appear out of nowhere?
19. Are made to feel unattractive or even physically ugly and mentally unstable with words or actions from this person?
20. Do you feel like you are going insane, or better yet pushed to believe you are insane by actions that are not typically you like forgetfulness, losing items, etc.?
21. Are your emotions raw which doesn’t make any sense to you anymore – but you know this feeling is becoming all too familiar with you? Your thoughts may not even be clear enough at this point to understand that something is terribly wrong with you because you are always in a fog and basically DISSABLED. You are probably thinking of ways to “fix” the relationship AGAIN. Perhaps you may know that the situation is just not right but you are still hanging on and even willing to “fix” him/her, but at what cost to you? You may even be getting ready to crawl back to your partner, but you know the drill so well because it is like a reoccurring dream where you are screaming and can’t be heard or trying to run and you aren’t able to move. You feel frozen in this situation with no way out!