A Narcissist means to erase your personality and diminish who you are – it is all about controlling you!
A Narcissist means to erase your personality, attack your ‘normal,’ corrupt your core values, instill fear, and even push you to the point of insanity to reduce you to ‘putty in their hands’ so they can easily control you to do their bidding and take more and more from you. THIS is who and what they are behind all of the facades and masks they wear or emotional and psychological ABUSERS.
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
A Narcissist means to dissemble you bit by bit to control you. In the end they will undermine your self-worth, erase your personality, and take away your individualism to meet their needs. After they have drained you of your spirit (and many other things) they will then move on to the next TARGET. They will leave you in an emotional and psychological shamble and will smear your goodness and integrity on their way out to protect THEMSELVES from exposure of what they did and who they are. Sounds like a WELL thought out plan or agenda! Let’s call this a ONE ON ONE smear campaign or a preemptive personal attack from the Narcissist to you!
Peace by peace and bit by bit, criticism by criticism, the Narcissist dismantles your self-esteem and undermines your self-worth. This process is painfully slow and gradual, maybe even a matter of years, but it is an insidious process of manipulation and consistent brain-washing and it is highly effective. You have fallen hard for the Narcissist’s CHARM or ‘love bombing’ FIRST and connected emotionally or otherwise to them, OR even love them. NOW you are wondering what you are doing wrong that there is so much adversity in your relationship with them and YOU (and ONLY you) are the guilty one. BUT, you have never had issues like this before with anybody else! The Narcissist backs all of this up by dumping truckloads of EMOTIONAL ‘shame and blame’ on you. Your sense of self-worth, who you are, and self-confidence begin to slip.
You are in a vast state of confusion because you can’t wrap your head around this about face that you are seeing with your Narcissist – and now you ARE accepting the blame!. You do what you can to “fix” this and regain the Narcissist’s approval. This becomes a destructive plight that essentially will destroy you because the Narcissist has brain-washed you, manipulated you, betrayed you, lied, etc., and in such a manner that you can’t dig yourself out of the many levels of their abuse and CONSTANT blame. You just bury yourself more by putting ALL OF YOUR NEEDS aside to fix what you can’t. Every day you are buried by another level of their blame, shame, demeaning words, silencing, isolation and everything else they can do to keep you a prisoner of this abuse. This becomes a relationship where you are constantly explaining yourself and reacting to keep yourself ‘above water!’. In reality this is a ‘one on one’ PERSONAL smear campaign, or a preemptive attack on your personally.
The Narcissist will then start to demand more from you and reward you less with the fake romantic behavior you enjoyed in the beginning of the relationship. The Narcissist will basically demand more personal sacrifices from your life, as well as your emotional energy and time. Next the Narcissist will isolate you from loved ones, put a negative spin on your every thought or action, discourage your personal and professional endeavors, demand more commitment, there will be more sexual transgressions, possibly more demands for financial support, etc., depending on what the Narcissist wants from the relationship. But the bottom line is that a Narcissist enters every relationship to use others and to gain control and to embellish their life. There is only ONE possible scenario with a Narcissist and that is to get completely away from them and never allow them back into any part of your life or world. No/minimal contact. Greg