Diversion – how the Narcissist keep us in a fog so we do NOT see the real lies and crimes they commit.
Stop the blame, stop re-thinking what happen, stop trying to fix what can’t ever be fixed – and ONCE AGAIN STOP blaming yourself because this had NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with a personality disordered Narcissist that is intentionally keeping you in a thick fog of lies and betrayal. Let’s break this down to really understand how they manage us down so completely that our only focus is on them and fixing what we didn’t cause or break. It is a diversion to keep you hyper focused on them and away from the real lies and crimes THEY are committing!
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
You are always wondering and even overthinking whether it is you, or it is YOU that has temporarily lost your ability to relate NORMALLY in your relationship, or better yet you are crazy like your Narcissist is telling you. NO, no, no, no, no, no – it is the Narcissist that is crazy or clinically has the ‘personality disorder.’ Well it is classified as a personality disorder but still in all it is CRAZY behavior or better yet dehumanizing, demeaning, debasing, and destructive behavior to make you think YOU ARE THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM.
Control is power to an abuser so whether you are attacked physically with a fist or attacked mentally with hideous, destructive and manipulating words, it is abuse from a disordered person, one that is not a fully functioning human being that lacks total empathy and love for their fellow man/womankind – and they are stealth players at their game. You don’t intentionally CONTROL, harm, hurt, or destroy any creature on this planet for ANY REASON and these abusers do it every waking moment of their lives to get what they want. This is NOT about YOU – it is about them being completely disordered. We must accept this to break the bond with them.
Here are a few simple examples of the tactics that the pathological Narcissist uses to control you, confuse you, make you believe you are crazy and of course to hurt you and take you down and keep you there.
1.) Attacking your EMOTIONS at every possible level they can! The abusing (Narcissist) plays on your fear, guilt, compassion, values, or whatever they can to push your “buttons” to get what they want – again this could be negative or positive or a range of “I love you” to “I hate you.”.
2.) The Narcissist can and will even go so far as to always threaten ‘your security’ with them which could include constant reminders that they will end the relationship if you do not conform, dating other people, affairs, silencing, financial control, and using other controlling terrorist/fear tactics.
3.) They are very unpredictable with their day to day responses, be it drastic mood changes or their sudden and out of the blue emotional outbursts. They will react in an inconsistent manner or differently at different times to the same behavior from you the ‘stable/normal partner.’ They will tell you one thing one day and the direct opposite the next or perhaps they like something you do one day and hate it the next. You are purposely put here and in a state of constant confusion OR abused with unpredictable responses and made to feel crazy trying to relate to the pathological and purposeful inconsistency (chaos and gas-lighting!).
4.) This behavior is damaging, and it puts you on edge or ‘walking on eggshells.’ You are always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and you can never know what’s expected of you. You become hyper vigilant, sensitive, confused and controlled waiting for the other person’s next outburst or change of mood – YOU DON’T EVER KNOW WHAT TO DO, SAY, OR HOW TO ACT so you constantly stay in this HYPER state of confusion and basically exist as a shell of the person you were – the one that HAD a real personality, as well as loved and lived a normal, fun and loving existence. They take that and play with it, manipulate it, destroy it and alter you so what is left isn’t a person, it is a prisoner of their abuse. It is control to keep you constantly disabled.
5.) They will verbally assault you to exert their power to gain CONTROL over you. Be it making fun of us, belittling us, criticizing us, name calling, screaming at us, threatening, constant and excessive blaming, making us the brunt of their delusional and perverted humor using sarcasm and humiliation. ALL OF THIS is done CONSISTENTLY in an effort to erode your sense of self confidence and self-worth. The Narcissist wants to control your every action and dominate you. They have to have their own way, and will resort to whatever works, even threats to control their targets/victims.
6.) They will even take their ‘show’ out on the road to convince those closest to us that we have psychological issues. They backstab and triangulate again for control but basically to isolate us from reality.
7.) Unreasonable expectations and demands are put onto you so you feel like you have to ALWAYS put YOUR needs aside to tend to their needs and you always feel incomplete with your own PERSONAL needs as well as participation/interactions in this relationship or connection to them (if it is a ‘love’ relationship, friendship, co-worker, family, etc., or any and all of the above) – somewhere you are LOST in all of this. You are basically TOLD or manipulated into what you must to do or else it is wrong, and the situation will fall apart, so you just give in. But no matter how much you give, it’s never enough. You are subjected to constant criticism, and you are constantly berated because you don’t fulfill all of this person’s needs and you could NEVER fulfil the Narcissists needs.
Please understand that you are dealing with a person that has NO empathy with an agenda to malign all people. There is no such thing as love with them, a friendship, bonding, caring, processing any of our real concerns, or trying to have a real relationship beyond objectifying us. No/minimal contact to break the cycle of abuse to start healing. You CAN and WILL return to that healthy person you once were – but it requires all of your energy being given back to yourself and rejecting EVERYTHING Narcissist. No/minimal contact. Greg