We believed that there was a BOND with the Narcissist – but they do NOT bond with people – they objectify them.
We believed it was a real bond with them, one that was created from love, be it a wife, husband, partner, mother, father, brother, sister, or friend – but it was the furthest thing from love and more akin to hate and of course abuse. As harsh as this definition sounds as it concerns our involvement with a Narcissist, it is real and just the very truth of the biggest lie, manipulation, betrayal, extortion, and destruction we will ever experience in our lives. It is abuse at the hands of a very disordered personality, one that will look you straight in the eyes and state that they love you, but they have a knife to your back to control you AND ready to stab and harm you and even destroy you for no reason other than an association you have with them be it a family bond or an association by chance. The truth is that ANY association with them for ANY length of time and for ANY reason is toxic and poisonous and they will do some sort of damage to your life or wellbeing.
From my Book: From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
The Narcissist is an EXTREME egotist that denies the truth of their repulsive world to themselves and cleverly hides it by the means of a false reflection or mask to pathologically fool or snare us into their grasp. The more the Narcissist is able to successfully ‘seduce’ others and convince them that they are loved the more the bounty (supply) for the Narcissist. They are self-created, or better yet, self-de-created, and then FALSELY re-created. What is re-created is not a self, but a reflection or ‘FUNCTIONAL” copy of a working image of a human being. It is a compilation of observations the Narcissist has made from watching people and mirroring what he/she sees back to them or imitating their good qualities, likes/dislikes, everything and anything but ESPECIALLY love to draw us into their web of deceit. They really bring home the definition of ‘having something in common’ with people. They MORPH into having EVERYTHING in common with us!
The habit of treating a human being or a person as a means to an end is utilitarian (to satisfy a need or fulfill an AGENDA) and fundamentally an inhumane or a pathological and perverted manipulation of our basic human rights. The Narcissist is feeding their endless ‘depravity void’ through injustice by his/her regard for others as mere instruments of the Narcissist’s own gratification. The closer the association to a Narcissist the more pathological the Narcissist becomes, and the more damage done to the target/victim. Their needs are far more than just extorting basic life and biological needs, it is their delusional psychological needs that cause the most damage to their target/victim. It is their need to control and gain dominance or power over other people that damage and destroys them. They are BASICALLY human with most of the same biological needs (like eating, breathing and sexuality) but when it comes to mental functions, they are delusional and seem to have a battle that rages in their head to seriously harm people that love them as if they loathe all people and need to destroy them one by one.
The Narcissist is incapable of love because at the core of his/her Narcissism is the total refusal to revere others as individuals or to truly love and appreciate others as ‘another’ person that is anywhere near equal to the omnipotent Narcissist. It is a fortress or huge wall of jealousy that is weak and wobbly because it always comes tumbling down and the Narcissist shows their true colors with their debasing and dehumanizing mannerisms. What the Narcissist loves is the false self he/she has created and that he/she needs to see reflected in the affirmation and supply from others to feel real and alive. They are actors and actresses picking and choosing their roles and perfecting them to receive their ‘Emmy’ award or better yet SUPPLY from their audience. It is basically a parasitic relationship where the Narcissist is more akin to a TICK feeding on us to survive, as well as infecting us with their poisonous saliva that can and will disable us. We are just a source to feed them, entertain them, and cover their disfigured and abusive lifestyle. After being objectified and abused we are then blamed/shamed and destroyed as if in a ritual way to remove ANY and ALL accountability from the Narcissist because he/she can never allow themselves to see the reality of their disordered life and the destruction they cause ever. This is the truth about their superiority or omnipotence, and it is as flimsy as their reality in this world.
Since a Narcissist is incapable of truly loving another as an individual, all of the Narcissists relationships with others are perverted, twisted, and abusive. To use a person is to abuse a person, and everyone in the Narcissists life WITHOUT EXCEPTION is nothing more than a means of procuring affirmation, adulation, and admiration. We are a means to an end driven by the Narcissist’s self-serving agenda to secure supply or basically to extort from people. It is like a puppet show with the Narcissist having his/her hand in every puppet directing it’s every move.
A Narcissist is calculating and refuses ANY connection or obedience of the basic requirements of life or the natural moral laws as they apply to life and human rights. Obedience to a Narcissist implies that there is something larger or better than what they are and they will never comply because it would define them as being weak to allow anyone to feel significant enough to be their equal or better. It is almost like the Narcissist completely relates everything in life to a measurement, but this measurement begins and ends with them. As the saying goes, the sun rises and sets on a Narcissist because they feel they are above all life.
The Narcissist creates the terms of how THEY measure life, so if they were a “tape measure or a ruler”, they would determine the dynamics of each and every measurement OR define every inch of every foot – and you can believe that it would not be consistent as it is SUPPOSE to be. The Narcissist has to be ‘that’ which measures (and judges) and NEVER that WHICH IS MEASURED and NEVER judged. Literally they “coin” the phrase “give them an inch and they will take a yard.” Well that and anything they can get their tentacles around.
A Narcissist is calculating for the sake of procuring power! Power allows them the control over others that they need to function and survive in our world. It also protects them from exposure and facing the truth of their own disordered and abusive lifestyle. This false mask hides AND protects the Narcissist from having to face themselves off in the mirror and see the reality of WHAT THEY ARE or a modern day ‘DENIAL’ monster that is destructive and abuses life and people. They most assuredly destroy a target that catches on to them, plus they already have the replacement waiting in the wings to pick up the whole process where they left it off with us, stealing ‘supply’ and sucking the very life out of the new target. No fuss, no muss, and never emotions or love just a symbiotic relationship where the Narcissist has a new host ready and waiting – seriously this is just the real truth.
The Narcissist’s entire life is built upon the premise to find ‘supply’ to shore up their façade and take what they can from people. They will employ the most devious means at their disposal to get it. So, this chameleon like Narcissist has many colors that help them adapt to every situation that exists that include every gambit of life from like, love, dislike, hate, and destruction. This is all very functional to them as well as mechanical to them and their lifestyle to GET WHAT THEY WANT. The key thing here is that they are abusive and psychologically damaging to people because they loathe people and life and create personal battles to BLAME us and make us pay for their inadequacies.
Nevertheless, our first experiences with the Narcissist has allowed us to believe in a prince/princess ‘charming’ who have done great things in our lives like “loving us” so we hold on to keep the faith, and live with this Narcissist’s amazing BUT fake integrity. It is our empathy, love and basic trust that are targeted. The Narcissist has bamboozled us through this wondrous and seemingly normal façade that IMITATES extreme goodness as well as ‘fake virtues’ that WE hold in good faith. But there is really little or no real substance behind anything they say do or pretend to be. SO, the problem LIES within all of this fake charm! The Narcissist is so very adept at circumventing the intellect and manipulating man/womankind by their craft or better yet craftiness that they have perfected all of their life, so they target us where it counts – OUR EMOTIONS, TRUST, and LOVE! There is NOTHING to them, but the flimsy lies they created to manipulate us into their agenda. No/minimal contact! Greg