A relationship with a Narcissist is a one-way street that leads to a dead end.
Narcissists are a one-way street to ABUSE and a dead-end –not to mention that they are one huge, needy, and all consuming vortex that will drain what they can from life and people.
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist.
OK – so let’s examine the personal aspects of what happened to all of us so anyone that HASN’T BEEN abused can embrace the truth a little better and see this abuse for EXACTLY what it was and is. If and when that Narcissist did something nice, it was always instrumental or a means to an end and part of his/her con job, that artificial/good image, charm, or façade – and mostly seen in public. So, let’s use the Dr. Jekyll and Mr./Ms. Hyde explanation. Dr. Jekyll (the Monster) is in fact is always Mr./Ms. Hyde on the inside or that abusive Narcissist or monster. Mr./Ms. Hyde is the ‘good’ facade that hides and protects the monster that most all people only ever see.
WE are quite capable of love, bonding, and EMPATHY – BUT they aren’t! What have we fallen in love with, friended, or been dealing with if it is a family member, etc.? OK you probably already know the answer, but I am going to say it regardless. You are NOT in love with, caring for, friends with, or bonded to the “real monster” or the Narcissist – you embraced the image they projected. In reality they are cheaters, liars, manipulators, players, empty/needy voids, or the heartless angry beings that they are. What we believed in (as most do) is/was the charming illusion they created, or the mask, the big lie, the extortionist or whatever name we want to apply to this abuser. As a rule of thumb, we don’t intentionally fall in love with monsters – generally we find a super hero in life to defeat that monster or a local government agency that handles these monsters – but that doesn’t happen in real life. But can we put a little spin on this perspective. These are clearly predators as described by how they camouflage and manipulate us into position to gain our trust and then extort us of everything we have as well as psychologically terrorize us in an effort to harm us, AND to invoke fear to silence us in the end to protect themselves from being exposed. From the beginning to the end you can clearly see that they manipulated us into caring, friending, or loving them. Then used their abusive control to get what they wanted and needed like a thief. Finally, they devalued us to confuse and debilitate us and then added fear to the equation to shut us up, so they could move forward to the NEXT victim. They took us from charm to harm with everything else in between!
For any victim/target, this process is excruciatingly personal. It may have cost you so much time, your heart, your friends, your family, your self-esteem, your career or your finances. You may have put everything you had and given everything you could to this relationship. It may have become your entire life, even having a family with a Narcissist. For the Narcissist however, the whole process isn’t really personal AT ALL! The Narcissist WILL do the same thing to just about anyone who allows him/her into their personal or intimate life. We are all reduced to and considered OBJECTS and possible supply. Life is a department store where the Narcissist shops for the SPECIFIC supply they desire – but they would be more aptly described as “shoplifters” because they feel completely entitled to take whatever they desire AND when they desire it!
It is ALWAYS a one-way street with them and a dead-end for us. No/minimal contact break the cycle of abuse and move forward! Greg