Taking back our power with NO/minimal contact!
No/minimal contact – taking back our power with the truth and clarity!
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
This is, perhaps, the most difficult and devastating aspect of a narcissistic relationship, mustering up the strength as well as adopting the position to accept that your friend, family or partner was just pathologically abusive and cruel AND now you must abandon them and the relationship COMPLETELY or ‘no contact!’ It is a difficult and an unnatural process to have to dump the past completely, as well as your emotions, dreams, plans, the family structure (they abandon/abuse their own biological children as well), with all of those years you spent together and the memories that are also fake. IT IS AN ABHORATION of human life as well as human dignity to use/harm/destroy another individual in the manner a Malignant Narcissist does. After you get there you are then left with the arduous task of finding yourself again with this monkey on your back.
So we fell (were conned) into what we believed was a REAL relationship. But it was an unnatural and abusive relationship and nothing even remotely near a normal connection, friendship, or love – and it came with a great price. That price is the very truth of the extreme and hideous betrayal that steals away a person’s self-esteem and belief system. We constantly tried to adjust and fix the damaged relationship AND ourselves and in doing so, our Narcissist was just taking the supply they required with their arsenal of tools. Their manipulation, betrayal, control, lies and acting out “trained” us to provide them with supply and they stepped up the game to get the most, if not ALL they could from us until they were caught and identified as the monster they are and then they tried to destroy us to cover up the abuse. They controlled us to gain power and we gave them power with each and every change we made, BUT we also eroded our sense of self-worth and THIS became our normal. We didn’t give them the power to abuse us, we MISTAKINGLY opened our hearts with empathy to make things right and return the relationship back to what we believed was love, but the Narcissist used this as the very vehicle to drive us straight into this fake relationship as well as our own demise. THE NARCISSIST HAD COMPLETE COGNITIVE KNOWLEDGE OF DOING SO because they repeat this cycle many times over with many people and lie to cover it all up!
So here we are with the truth. We have to stand up again and brush ourselves off and start walking forward again and realize our own culpability in the exchange with this Malignant Narcissist. We believed it was care or love when it wasn’t, and we are in a place that is called abuse (which is new to the equation) and the journey to recovery must start NOW through this understanding of JUST HOW DISORDERED this person was to our entire life. Now we MUST go “no contact” because we have an education and the truth. We have to stop anymore attempts on their part to abuse us anymore BECAUSE THEY WILL.
Unfortunately some have to stay in minimal contact and a Narcissist is akin to a shark that will always attack prey. Many ask how minimal contact can work when you have to be in contact because of children or legal issues such as divorce. That is a tough situation BUT you can still turn off your mind to their abuse and disallow them to pull you backwards by rejecting their control tactics as you go through the hideous process of their legal games and control if you have children with them, or they are family. Greg