This was a desperate connection that you can NEVER return to.
NEVER forget that this was a desperate connection be it a friendship, a family connection or what we believed was love. We can NEVER return to the chaos, manipulation, betrayal, blame, fear, pain, rejection, etc., EVER AGAIN.
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
When you feel overwhelmed with emotions and those thoughts start to consume your mind and overtake your heart – ALWAYS remember that what you experienced was situational ABUSE and you cannot go back to it. Things were as bad and even worse than you probably remember. What you are feeling are those misplaced emotions and pain tugging at your heart wanting this to be fixed – but it is all from that FAKE charm and love-bombing that tricked you into believing this was real. Stay strong and always keep moving forward and completely away from that Narcissist.
So, we fell (were conned) IN LOVE – but an unnatural and abusive love is nothing even near a normal love and it comes with a great price – the truth of the extreme and hideous betrayal that steals away a person’s self-esteem and belief system. AGAIN, this includes every type of relationship with a Narcissist EVEN being a child of this abuse. We constantly tried to adjust and fix the damaged relationship AND ourselves and in doing so, our Narcissist was just taking the supply they required with their arsenal of tools – remember they are addicted to it just like a drug addict. Their manipulation, betrayal, control, lies and acting out ‘trained or conditioned’ us to provide them with supply and they stepped up the game to get the most, if not ALL they could from us until they were caught and identified as the monster they are and then they tried to destroy us to cover up the abuse. They controlled us to gain power and we gave them power with each and every change we made, BUT we also eroded our sense of self-worth. We didn’t give them the power to abuse us, we MISTAKINGLY opened our hearts with empathy to make things right and return the relationship back to what we believed was caring or love, but the Narcissist used this as the very vehicle to drive us straight into this fake relationship as well as our own demise – AND THE NARCISSIST HAD COMPLETE COGNITIVE KNOWLEDGE OF DOING SO!
That is, perhaps, the most difficult and devastating outcome of a narcissistic relationship, mustering up the strength as well as adopting the position to accept that your partner was just pathologically abusive and cruel AND now you must abandon them and the relationship COMPLETELY. It is a difficult and an unnatural process to have to dump your past completely, as well as your emotions, dreams, plans, the family structure (they abandon/abuse their own biological children as well), all of those years you spent together and the memories that are also fake. IT IS AN ABHORATION of human life as well as human dignity to use/harm/destroy another individual in the manner a malignant Narcissist does – and they do NOT care who they abuse. After you get there you are then left with the arduous task of finding yourself again.
So here we are with the truth. We have to stand up again and brush ourselves off and start walking forward and realize our own culpability in the exchange with this malignant Narcissist. We believed it was love when it wasn’t – and we are in a place that is called abuse and the journey to recovery must start and NOW so that we understand JUST HOW DISORDERED this partner was to our entire life. Now we MUST go no/minimal contact and remain no/minimal contact because we have educated ourselves with the truth and we have to stop anymore attempts on their part to abuse us anymore.
This was a desperate relationship with a dysfunctional and personality disordered individual. The damage they caused diminished our ability to function normally and we spent so much of our time explaining ourselves, trying to please them, or trying to fix ourselves so they would return that love that they offered and promised in the beginning. There never was a relationship, a bond or love – only an agenda from them to use us in a manner to make themselves whole and if that destroyed our spirit then so be it. NEVER forget that this was not real – it was emotional and psychological abuse. We can NEVER return to them for any reason. Greg