The Real Perspective!
The real perspective! The truth through knowledge and education brings us clarity and freedom.
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
Realization and perspective are the MOST DIFFICULT aspects of this abuse because you must accept what happened and that is so painful because you must internalize this knowledge and act upon it. Here is the thing, this knowledge is basically new to you, even though you have suspected that there is something terribly wrong with them. What is new is that you totally realize that there is a name to this and you have been abused by a Narcissist and NONE of this is your fault – but now you must gain TRUE perspective and act on it to move forward.
The process of recovery is even new as far as it concerns where we look for help and WHO we go to. Our stories are incredulous, and people don’t seem to understand, possibly NOT want to hear them, believe them, or help us more than a pat on the back. This chaotic creature is already in a new relationship (whatever type it may be friendship, etc.) and flaunting it in your face. You are finding out that your good name and integrity has been smeared to the very people that mean the most to you AND GUESS WHAT – some even believe the lying Narcissist because he/she has so much knowledge of your personal world and is now using it against you. THIS NARCISISST IS SAYING THAT YOU ABUSED THEM. You feel like everywhere you turn there is more and more damage, and more and more things you don’t understand.
Could someone be this evil and every minute of every day you spent with them was all about this abuse and using you as supply? Yes, yes, yes and a big resounding YES TO THIS! You feel foolish and even stupid as if you were just that dumb. It is like a snowball that turns into an avalanche and it buries you because it is abuse at so many levels that digging out seems to be an impossible feat. I hated saying the word ABUSE or feeling I was a VICTIM because it described me as being weak. BUT I am here to tell you and now shout it out that I was a target/victim of abuse and it was internalizing this very fact that was my turning point and realizing just how pathetic and perverted this person is/was to live in this manner, so much so that human life means NOTHING to them.
It isn’t just about the emotional attachment you had at whatever level with this person, now it is about accepting that you cared for or loved a real-life monster. Somehow that just doesn’t fix/end the emotional attachment that you built up over time that you thought was real, nor does it help you understand this about face rejection and the hate that is now being spewed out at you. How do you legitimately acknowledge this to yourself, yet alone to the world so that you can find support to get past this? You are frozen in this cycle of abuse and this is exactly where that Narcissist wants you to be.
WHY – because they are delusional, disordered, toxic, and abusive to ALL people in their world. This works for them and they don’t care because they lack the internal mechanisms to do so. Leaving you wounded, lost and confused helps them escape unscathed. You only have to ask yourself if you would ever act out against people that care for or love you – people like your own family, biological children, or anyone for that matter. Your answer is NO, and the reason why is because you are normal, you love unconditionally, and you have empathy and would never intentionally harm a person. This is totally out of your realm of normality, acceptance, and understanding.
You will never be able to completely wrap your head around this as in realistically understanding a Narcissist because your empathy will not allow you to EVER acknowledge this, BUT you MUST still internalize this as the truth to move you to a higher plane. You were always in question of the reality of this toxic relationship but unfortunately the psychological aspect of their abuse brain-washed you to care or love them (and accept the blame for EVERYTHING) and from there you only plugged in the natural aspects of caring/loving another person in a real way. Now the ugly truth has reared its face as it concerns your Narcissist and with everyone they come in contact with or were in contact with – it is THEM and not you that is the issue, and that issue is abuse. Education/knowledge will reinforce what has happened to you and allow you to see that you were not the cause of this abuse. This is a learning process that is laced with anguish and pain, but we have to achieve closure and the only way to do so is to reject/discard this Narcissist so completely to allow the truth to repair everything that has been broken in us. No/minimal contact is essential to do this.
Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist