The devaluation – when the many masks are off, and you are dealing with the dark person that resides beneath them!

The devaluation – when the many masks are off, and you are dealing with the dark person that resides beneath them!

From my book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

You are left with so many conflicting messages that keep you trapped in extreme emotional confusion because this is what the Narcissist wants. By doing this the Narcissist uses us like a yo-yo on a string, constantly forcing us down and then pulling us back up again – perpetual, disordered and dizzying motion to control us and keep us off balance. You don’t have time to clearly think or see the forest for the trees. This is a person that initially proclaimed a real love for us that we invested in AND believed was real. Suddenly that image turns completely around and what we thought was love is now contempt through subtle BUT direct attacks of our integrity to erode our well-being and BLAME. From there the Narcissist escalates these attacks and they turn into rage, silencing, and punishment to take us completely down and finish the job or the devaluation phase AND then the smear campaign to destroy our integrity.

Devaluation is when and where they start defining us in a manner that points to us as being distorted and ugly to them, the source of everything negative, as well as the cause of the relationship failing. Yes, there were the intermittent bones they threw our way to keep us attached to the faint love that they once proclaimed, but this boils down to an abuser purposely using an agenda to destroy us. We didn’t see the abuse for what it is/was because we were brain-washed into believing in them, and it became our reality, even as bizarre as the allegations/reality is. We felt the need to fix the wrongs but lost ourselves in the messages and accepted a role that somehow we WERE to blame. Simply all of this was projection and the Narcissist was actually describing themselves and what THEY were doing to us.

I was not allowed a real role where I was PART of the relationship. I was tricked to make me believe there was a relationship, but that was to only trap me into place as the next target/victim and extort everything that this Narcissist could. Long and short I am trying to explain that there is layer upon layer of this ‘crazy’ from the Narcissist that we have TRIED to deal with in a realistic way. It all becomes part of the damage we have to purge out of us to come to REALISTIC terms about the distorted Narcissist that infiltrated our mind and life, or better yet a predator after prey!

It is easy to wound yourself in the process of healing and cause more damage to the insurmountable layers that already exist! JUST the simple thought that there must be something fundamentally wrong with you because someone you loved (even though it was a distorted love) thinks you deserve to be blamed and hurt. So, you wonder why when you BELIEVED that you loved them with all of your heart and soul in a normal way that they would attack your virtues! That is the emotional bond we believed in. This is not how a person should respond to OUR real love that you offered, so you have to generate a thought process around this to support a new viable answer as far as this love you believed in – IT WAS ABUSE from a personality disordered person. You are not ever going to find closure or a real answer because you are dealing with a creature that loathes love and enjoys their game and abusing people that they trick into their big lie, so this is a personal journey to accepting the real truth!

To TRY describe my experience – I was dealing with a monster and a predator like a shark that was biting chunks of my life away and devouring each piece with the hopes of completely consuming everything – BUT I WASN’T COMPLETELY AWARE OF THE HARM AND REAL DANGER I WAS IN because my reality had been disabled from the subtle and consistent managing down. I may not have bled from these wounds, but they were emotional and psychological in nature which is a much deeper wound to get at and heal. I will always walk around in life with this knowledge that I met up with a vile and evil creature that is still out there abusing and dangerous. This creature TRIED to poison my life and my family’s life by the lies they spread and are probably still spreading to protect themselves because my voice is strong. But I came out of this whole again and I am a survivor of this vile creature and abuse PERIOD. I do have a message, but it is in the form of education to share my experiences to hopefully help other people to understand this, so they don’t get completely buried by the abuse. Don’t judge your own methods of coping, don’t regret your decisions, even if they’ve landed you in a dark place for a period of time—and be grateful for what you’re going through because it has given you your freedom back and helping you develop a new relationship with yourself – or in other words you WILL survive this and move forward and thrive.

You will come out of this. You will form new and strong boundaries. You will reflect on your own inner conflicts and resolve them. You will grow with the knowledge that there are bad people out there that can and will destroy you. You will learn to differentiate the reality of good and bad in life and seek out the goodness in others and return it naturally as it should be. You will find what is important in life and live with an inner peace from knowing this horrid adversity. It is a life changing reality when someone psychologically rapes and terrorizes your mind. It is an unnecessary evil, but you now realize it exists in this world and you will protect yourself at all costs from returning to this monster or allowing a similar monster into your life. It all starts with no/minimal contact to break the chain around your neck! It also requires that you accept the reality of a Narcissist and NEVER return as in trying to figure them out, understand them, and feel a need to help them or associate with anything that concerns them. Put all of that away so you can put positive energy into yourself and your recovery! Greg

Posted on February 10, 2019, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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