NEVER a relationship with them instead it is a reign of terror with a Narcissist!
From my book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist.
The victim becomes less and less of what they used to be prior to meeting the Narcissist. It becomes a vicious cycle of denigration, debasing, dehumanization and destruction by the narcissist until there is nothing of substance left of the victim. The dismantling of the victim was skillfully orchestrated by the narcissist, and then as if to add INSULT TO INJURY the Narcissist will unmercifully criticize the victim for “not being the person” the Narcissist fell in love with – basically they are erasing your personality and complete being. All of the “blame and shame” will ceremoniously be dumped on the victim to kick them down even further into the destruction a Narcissist inflicts on everyone. The Narcissist will even “project” their betrayal and perverse lifestyle onto the victim and accuse them of what they (the Narcissist) is actually doing. The Narcissist will not yield to anything once they have the reigns of terror going and will even physically make fun of their victim to inflict every possible form of damage they can. This disables the victim completely, so they can’t possibly fight back and expose the Narcissist as the REAL abuser they are. The Narcissist has been back-stabbing and “smearing” the victim to family, friends, co-workers and any other people that will listen to further damage the integrity of the victim. The Narcissist will then discard the victim quickly and without regard. The cycle of abuse and destruction has been completed. The victim has been devoured by the Narcissist and left by the roadside. This describes and is NARCISSISTIC ABUSE or better yet psychological rape of their victim. This is not simply “emotional abuse”, or a bad relationship between two people – this is a calculated attack of a predator after prey. This is a disordered human being that willfully harms good people – EVEN their own biological children will become victims of their damaging cycle of abuse. Predator after prey!
Is this a disorder as well as a NON-functioning human being? Well we have to say yes because NO NORMAL person would act out in this manner against another human being, but let’s not forget that there is a great deal of thought put into this abuse. It is cognitive, meaning that the Narcissist puts rational thought evoking processes into effect to get the desired results they want from their targets/victims starting with the charm and love-bombing to set the trap. SO can we safely say it is premeditated? That word is largely used in the legal profession to describe somebody that has carefully thought out a crime with INTENTION! If a criminal is charged with this they go to jail without passing “GO.” It’s a ‘Monopoly’ saying when you draw the card that says “Go Directly to Jail and do not pass GO and collect any money” – a little bad humor.
As always, I end with go “NO CONTACT!” Unequivocally it is the only way to gain your freedom from this calculating, disordered, manipulating, cunning, lying, extortionist and abuser that MEANS to inflict damage on their prey as well as take everything they can! You can and will recover from this abuse – but YOU MUST understand that the Narcissist is as calculated in their attacks on people as is a shark with its prey. Once you establish the facts/truth about your abuser you must put it all into perspective to release from the ‘blame and shame’ as well as the worthlessness that you feel and the Narcissist made you internalize or better yet forced down your throat. You are NOT to blame for any of this because abuse is ALWAYS wrong and there are NO ifs, ands, or buts about it! Find that spirit, it is still there with you as well as your self-esteem, goodness, empathy and LOVE — I promise you that this had NOTHING to do with who or what you are, it has to do with an extremely disordered person that manipulated you into ALL OF THIS because they are an abhorrent and disordered abuser. You are and always have been the beautiful and amazing person you always were – THAT IS WHY YOU ARE STILL HERE TODAY, and you still have tomorrow – and don’t give that up. You WILL be the person you once were! Greg