They smear OUR integrity to protect themselves from accountability and they are doing this BEHIND our backs and well in advance of the final discard. They KNOW the game well!
We are damned if we do or damned if we don’t in this situation!
The more preposterous the Narcissist’s accusations are the more firmly people believe them because they got there first spreading their poisonous lies. Any and all of the preposterous accusations the Narcissist makes will always yield some sort of attention to the subject matter because the person they drag into it just can’t walk away from the damaging situation (or poison) without offering some sort of support even if it is just a listening ear. Otherwise it would seem if the bystander didn’t care or lacked the empathy to help out a person in need. Unfortunately, most people do not know they are being manipulated by an abusive and dangerous person that is looking to destroy another person’s integrity to save themselves from exposure. By the time we stumble onto the smear campaign we are damned if we do or damned if we don’t respond. The Narcissist succeeds just by seeding people in our circle with these damning lies – no matter if they act upon what the Narcissist has said or not, because the lies are out there now, spreading and growing.
The basic facts of life as it concerns THOSE people that love to put themselves in the middle to judge others, or the Narcissist’s supporters or MINIONS that believe the lies are abusers too. BUT the bigger lesson of “damned if we do or damned if we don’t” is the culprit here too! Everybody knows that when somebody defends themselves from accusations with accusations will be looked at as possibly being scorned and defensively retaliating as if the target/victim were caught in OR did the outrageous things that the Narcissist has alleged.
This is irrational, because the initial accuser (the Narcissist) is the attacker and there is no more reason to believe one party over the other, but people do! Lastly if we don’t make an attempt to stand up or defend our integrity we are guilty by the design of the disordered Narcissist’s smear campaign. Just another level of abuse for the target or victim, which is especially damaging when they are already vulnerable from the ABUSE and basically a shell of a person. Find support with people that understand emotional/psychological abuse to reach out to – that is where you will find validation and clarity. The naysayers or those that believe the Narcissists lies and smear campaign are not worth any of your time or worry. Put the energy into YOU where it belongs to get to a healthy place again. Personally, now that I am years away from the horrendous smear campaign – I see it did not damage me beyond the anxiety at the time it was going on – because in the end the people I loved knew the real truth.
Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist.