How the narcissist destroys your integrity to protect THEMSELVES from being ‘outed’ as the abuser they are! The ‘smear campaign’ and those minions or flying monkeys or the Narcissist’s pawns!
From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @ https://www.amazon.com/Charm-Harm-Everything-Narcissist-Narcissistic/dp/1523820179/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1468595784&sr=1-1&keywords=from+charm+to+harm
Minions and flying monkeys, the Narcissist’s ‘go to’ people when they need back up because they are about to be exposed! The Narcissist trains their minions to use as tools to fight alongside of them with their Smear Campaign!
It is just a fact that a Narcissist that has any role in your personal life is incapable of having a normal conversation yet alone a discussion with anyone who challenges or disagrees with their ideas. You really can’t have ANY conversation with a Narcissist without it SOMEHOW damaging their delicate ego! It doesn’t matter if a conversation is presented in a calm manner discussing any and all aspects of an issue as being beneficial to something meaningful or a larger picture. The Narcissist is a psycho bully that disallows individualism or independent thinking and always needs to be in control of their environment. Remember their world is all about them being PERFECT and in charge! It is also impossible to have an intellectual discussion with them in which ANY differing ideas are discussed in a back and forth manner. Their conversations are ALWAYS embellished with manipulative overtones to confuse, confound, disengage, accuse, trick, gain information, pass on information, etc., but it is ALWAYS part of their grand agenda to create and support their false identity. Seriously if we could tape a Narcissist’s mouth shut to prevent them from talking, this world would be a much safer and peaceful place to live in and I am not saying that to be funny – it is the real truth as it concerns these toxic bullies because they are destructive to GOOD people.
The Narcissist always defaults to their self-regulating and controlling mechanics that involves pulling or seducing people into their lair and extracting information from them AND in turn using this information for whatever GAIN they desire or to USE against them! Be it the love bombing to harvest their main sources of supply, or people they use to prop up their hideous façade of saintliness. If that entails being charming, exciting, seducing, deceptive, controlling, or nasty, so be it – just technique for the Narcissist! My point is that their manipulation is not only confined to a single person as in a relationship, but instead it is a complex network that includes their primary and secondary supply sources as well as their supportive adoring friends, family members, co-workers, etc., all of which are basically seduced into their roles! The Narcissist NEEDS this COMPLETE network to survive as well as enable them to escape exposure when they get caught in yet another extortion of a person’s life and there is a HUGE trail of destruction that follows them closely. They need a network of people to support their ‘needy needs’ and we are ALL basically some form of supply, so this is a full-time job for them to control the world around them. BUT the key element is that they are always on the defensive and everybody is essentially an enemy or someone to use for support because their world is full of lies and holes as it concerns the reality they PRESENT to us! They are quite use to getting busted so they always have a plan so they can squirm out of whatever toxic thing they have done! The main point here is that underneath that CHARM is that HARM – and what that means is that they are purely toxic people that destroy lives period.
So, what is the Narcissist’s thought process behind this backstabbing and smear campaign? They exploit the listeners’ emotions and sentiments. They use them to justify their suppressed hate, fears or desires or projection. They make up a story plausible enough that listeners cannot verify the exact allegations, BUT the accusations they make are powerful and damaging, and they are meant to harm! It is a strong-arm defense to silence and using these minions to fight their battle!
In reality Narcissists are very easily wounded because they lack any and all internal mechanisms that would enable them to have balance in their world. So, a smear campaign is an attempt to malign someone’s character that is a threat to them. They will attack the target’s credibility and reputation based on lies, half-truths and malicious rumors. Narcissists distort situations with twisted conclusions, perceiving themselves as eternal victims to seduce listeners in with ‘woe-be-me stories to divide and conquer AND they are highly persuasive. So persuasive in fact that they convince both themselves and others that their ‘woe be me’ stories, horrendous lies, backstabbing, and ‘smear campaign is true. It is all control.
In turn people ignore their very own conscience and intuition if the rumor is sufficiently shocking enough and it is going to be with a Narcissist. The smear campaign is such an offensive tactic that the Narcissist uses to malign, discredit, and reduce targets/victims to inferior damaged beings and stripping them of power by destroying their character to the people around them. This tactic also divides and conquers by pitting people against a supposed ‘foe’ that the Narcissist singles out. Targets are stuck between a rock and a hard place, right where the Narcissist wants them to be, damned if they defend themselves and damned if they don’t BUT basically isolated and defenseless.
This process is never accomplished solely by the Narcissist, though because the smear campaign requires a mob of minions or flying monkeys to carry and spread the distorted and destructive messages to finish the job that the Narcissist started. The Narcissist has their entourage of minions that they have charmed into believing that the Narcissist is a saint. The Narcissist can just sit back now and enjoy the lateral damage and show while the minions commit the atrocity that basically destroys the target/victim’s integrity. It is an insane attack that completely dehumanizes a good person for no earthly reason other than the Narcissist carrying out their abusive agenda so they can move on unscathed and unexposed.
Remember that a Narcissist is toxic to ALL people which includes where they work, any organization they belong to, or basically anywhere there are other people because they are everywhere. Often times the Narcissist may seem fully functional because they are employed and may be high up in the chain of command at their place of employment or just a worker bee. BUT they always maintain control of every environment they are in. Again, they are extremely manipulating and toxic psycho bullies that will immediately start their sneak attacks, by complaining to a boss or superior about other employees, triangulate, search for weaknesses in others to take advantage of, and basically create chaos to divide and conquer. They are very adept at their backstabbing by making everything seem more like a concern instead of a huge distorted lie and backstabbing to damage another person so they seem to always come up smelling like a rose.
AGAIN, this is not confined to where they work, but it includes any organization that they are a part of, their place of worship, clubs they belong to, charity organizations, events, and even THEIR family unit or basically anyplace where their presence is apparent. They are very adept at ALL of their abusive tactics as we all personally know. They can somehow twist personal or private information they know about anybody, and subtly say just enough to make it real to their listener and seem like they are ‘in the know’ about something that damages the target/victim. Basically, they use familiarity from knowing us and turn it against us. That familiarity is what brings credence to their twisted story and lies so nobody is ever the wiser to their sneaky tactics. You will NEVER see the person they are destroying present in any conversation to have an opportunity to speak out about the accusations against them, NO with a Narcissist it is always the cowardly approach to silently talk behind EVERYBODIES back, or back-stabbing! They will also triangulate by making YOU believe that somebody is doing the same to you – again part of the ‘divide and conquer’ technique they utilize.
A Narcissistic boss will gossip behind the scenes and try to rally others against the person who dared to offer a different opinion and the boss will make it seem like a concerned comradery rather than undermining somebody’s integrity. Likewise, a Narcissist in a love relationship will also talk behind their partner’s back to other family members with the same shrewd tactics to belittle, cause trouble and whatever other damage they can. AGAIN, they will use whatever familiarity they have through knowing you as an open door to be ‘in the know’ about personal and private situations you have shared with them in confidence to make a connection with people you know that will poison YOUR relationship with these people! That old saying that familiarity breeds contempt is so true in a Narcissist’s world!
So with the Narcissist it basically amounts to either literally charming the pants off of somebody, pulling somebody in as supply, backstabbing, triangulation or something that is always deceptive and devious on the Narcissist’s part to build up their minions and support. There is never a genuine conversation with them, everything must serve them somehow. Basically, as they are talking to you they are also gathering whatever information they can concerning you, something about you, or someone that you are innocently talking about with them. Nothing is sacred with them and you can bet that they will use that information and even distort it if it serves them in some way and throw you under the train in doing so – when nobody is looking of course! They are calculating and toxic and again we never realize this until they run off like the cowards they are and the damage they leave behind has devastated your integrity to say the least.
So back to basics! What is the one thing a Narcissist does not want other people to know? The truth about them. More specifically, Narcissists do not want the truth that they are insecure, malicious, and devious people with a toxic and abusive agenda. Beyond being embarrassed by the truth of their behaviors and thoughts, they have a deathly fear of being exposed and REJECTED for who and what they really are. This is in large part because they always use lies, manipulations, and distortions to control other people and get what they want. If people were to know about their true nature, they would want nothing to do with the Narcissist. The Narcissist is very aware of this and that is why they HAVE to build up their defenses as well as lie. Remember a Narcissist LIES to cover up their negative and abusive ways, so they are cognizant or know that they have done something wrong, harmful, or destructive to the person they are targeting to avoid exposure. Let’s just say they are always prepared for the inevitable. Similarly, with the bigger picture in mind their whole grand façade is just part of their defensive pretense that they MUST protect.
So, these minions and co-conspirators are only extension of the Narcissist AND the Narcissist’s abusive methodology. A Narcissist uses every opportunity to feign attention to themselves as well as secure their little toxic playmates to be there right alongside of them when they decide to wage their battles. Their world is so distorted and toxic. They live in pure denial of their sickness. They mean to hurt and destroy people, family, organizations or essentially anything that they participate in. Backstabbing, smearing, triangulation and lying are their tools to create chaos and to damage and silence people. All of this of course falls under ‘no/minimal contact’ because the only way to shut this monster out is to completely remove yourself from any attachment, especially your emotional ties with them. Yes, we loved a monster! The Narcissist’s smear campaign is their way of hatefully acknowledging OUR denying them their fake reality. The only viable solution is moving on and away from them with no/minimal contact! Greg