There was NO relationship, a SAD reality we must accept to move forward to a healthy recovery – that and realizing it was NOT you – it was the Narcissist managing you down and pushing you to the edge of despair.
Narcissists intentionally use their extreme manipulation to manage people down and WHY? To CONTROL their target’s ability to think correctly by distorting their thoughts and making them feel like they (the target) have LOST control over themselves or losing it.
Living with someone like this is tremendously destructive to your psyche and anxiety provoking, causing the abused person to feel constantly confused, frightened, unsettled and off balance. THIS IS WHAT PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE IS! The other person may deny your perceptions, memory, and very sanity which again makes you begin to think you are crazy or losing your mind (gas-lighting). Narcissists are always making you reflect upon your weaknesses (real and imagined) and pointing them out to you. They also make you believe you are ‘losing it’ or you have many issues all in an effort to take you down as low as they can. That is tough and shrewd manipulation or CONTROL that a Narcissist uses to win this war they have with people and life. It is like being in a maze that constantly ‘shifts and changes’ and you just keep wandering around looking for that door that takes you out and back to a peaceful reality – you will never find it until you kick those walls down and get out of the endless maze of abuse!
So where did that care or ‘love’ go? Until the fact sinks in that their time with us or anybody is never a ‘relationship’, but instead more of a pathological parasite feeding off you/us — you just won’t get Malignant Narcissism. You will keep acting on the premise that the Narcissist has some feelings ‘JUST’ for you, or some sort of conscience, morals, ‘cares for’ or even loves you – and that premise couldn’t be further from the truth. It NEVER makes sense to you, so you keep blaming yourself because that is what you have been conditioned to do as if everything is always your fault. You are always wondering whether it is you, or it is YOU that has temporarily lost your ability to relate NORMALLY in your relationship, or better yet you are crazy like your Narcissist is telling you. NO, no, no, no, no, no – it is the Narcissist that is ‘that crazy one’ or clinically has the ‘personality disorder.’ Well it is classified as a personality disorder but still in all it is chaotic and crazy behavior or better yet dehumanizing, demeaning, debasing, and destructive behavior to make you think YOU ARE THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM. Control is power to an abuser so whether you are attacked physically or attacked mentally with hideous, destructive and manipulating words, it is abuse from a disordered person, one that is not a fully functioning human being that lacks total empathy and love for their fellow man/womankind. You don’t intentionally CONTROL, harm, hurt, or destroy any creature on this planet for ANY REASON and these monsters do it every waking moment of their lives. Knowledge is power that gives us clarity to move forward!
Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist.