This abuse smothers a person’s life and diminishes their worth and spirit.
This abuse is NOT limited to ‘love’ relationships only. Narcissists can be family members like a mother/father, brother/sister, boss/co-worker, friend/relative, professional, or anyone for that matter. Targets/victims are often victimized by more than one person as well – especially children raised in this abuse because they have only learned or known this dehumanizing abuse most of their lives, BUT we cannot ever forget spouses or partners to a Narcissist that have lived for years in the prison of this abuse as well. Over time victims internalize AND accept that something is wrong with THEM even believing they deserve this kind of abuse, and then resign themselves to their fate never realizing the truth. They live and survive with the trauma from it daily.
Living with someone like this is tremendously destructive to your psyche and anxiety provoking, causing the abused person to feel constantly confused, frightened, unsettled and off balance – over time this disables/diminishes the victim. THIS IS WHAT PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE IS! The other person may deny your perceptions, memory, and very sanity which again makes you begin to think you are crazy or losing your mind (gas-lighting.) Narcissists are always making you reflect upon your weaknesses (real and imagined) and pointing them out and also making you believe you are losing it, or you have many issues all in an effort to take you down as low as they can. That is tough and shrewd manipulation that a Narcissist uses to win this war they have with people and life. It is like being in a maze that constantly shifts and changes, and you just keep wandering around looking for that door that takes you out and back to a peaceful reality – you will never find it until you kick those walls down and get out of the endless maze of abuse!
A Narcissist doesn’t acknowledge individuality or even like other people (remember we are just objects to use). Along with this premise the Narcissist doesn’t care about being liked – THEY DEMAND to be admired, feared, and favored, as well as completely extorting their targets to get their supply of choice to meet their every need. They don’t care about getting along with people, and a Narcissist is no more capable of considering the consequences of their actions than a rock would. There is no consideration for anybody or anything with a Narcissist and nothing is EVER about what it REALLY is, instead it is always and only about their needs, their omnipotence, superiority or ego instead – or that fake façade and lies. They HAVE to exploit EVERY single interaction with us to gratify THEIR needy ego at our ego’s expense or even DESTRUCTION. There’s no end to it. It’s exasperating, and you never get through that brick wall a Narcissist throws up in front of you constantly, so always remember how much time you have tried to break down barriers to ‘fix’ things. Everything would just bounce back to you as more blame and shame from the Narcissist. It was a relationship that was meant to deny you every bit of gratification or any ‘giving’ from the Narcissist and instead ‘taking’ every bit of gratification (supply) they could for their vast needy void.
This is the reality with a Malignant Narcissist be it a wife, husband, partner, brother, sister, friend, mother, father or whomever. There is and never was ANY type of a real relationship, just time lost with a disordered, destructive, and abusive person and great loss. There is no closure to this abuse because there is no real person, so we only have the sad truth to embrace to start us out on a realistic path of recovery AND yes healing to rejoin life again. An interaction with a Narcissist is ALWAYS damaging and destructive to people – that is why we are all here sharing to educate and help resolve these issues with all targets. NO/minimal contact to end the chaos and abuse – it is truly the only way out.
Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist