The “Ah Ha” quiz! Do any of these statements define you, or have you experienced any of the following?
From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @ https://www.amazon.com/Charm-Harm-Everything-Narcissist-Narcissistic/dp/1523820179/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1468595784&sr=1-1&keywords=from+charm+to+harm
1. You always seem to feel physically tense, anxious, some aches and pains, stomach ache, fast heart rate, difficulties breathing and fatigued.
2. You never seem to know what to expect at any given moment on any given day with this PARTICULAR person. You feel like everything is about to turn upside down, even if you have a nice day planned. You just never know if some small thing is going to turn into an argument, or you will be raged at, made fun of, or silenced and punished. Your husband, wife, friend, partner, brother, sister, father or mother is seemingly caring and considerate one moment and then coldly dismisses you the next moment with no warning and no justification.
3. You have developed a severely damaged sense of self-worth and self-esteem and always seem to be second guessing yourself or your worth in every situation with this person.
4. EVERYTHING seems to have a negative spin attached to it. How you cook, how you clean, a gift you give, what you wear, your friends, your job, and your looks – everything is a TARGET FOR NEGATIVE COMMENTS.
5. You have had prolonged bouts of depression and anxiety. You seem to cycle in and out of these periods of depression and anxiety and this seems to be in direct correlation with the chronological time you have spent with this person.
6. You begin to doubt your own existence and your sense of reality as if somebody has kidnapped your spirit.
7. You experience lack of sleep for prolonged periods of time.
8. You feel as if you are not a real person in your relationship, more like a pet that is trained to do tricks like jumping through hoops, etc.
9. You feel as if you are not allowed to voice your own thoughts and opinions or you will be put in your place, raged at and even punished.
10. You feel it is an enormous struggle to be heard or acknowledged as an individual.
11. You feel that every problem in your relationship is somehow your fault and you are always blamed and shamed for everything.
12. You have experience exaggerated feelings of guilt and shame.
13. You are always drawn back into trying to fix or relate to him/her even though you only experience pain/blame/shame in doing so. It becomes a vicious cycle that seems to only get worse.
14. You feel trapped as if in an impossible situation, unable to find a way out.
15. You feel as if you have to fight all the time and are worn out and exhausted or basically forced into a corner all the time.
16. You are confused constantly with racing thoughts, as if you are losing your mind trying to find some sort of peace.
17. You feel as if you are surrounded with negativity. Everything you do, everything you say is met with some sort of comment that negates you or an action you do.
18. Arguments seem to appear out of nowhere.
19. You are made to feel physically ugly and mentally unstable with words or actions from this person.
20. You feel like you are going insane, or better yet pushed to believe you are insane by actions that are not you like forgetfulness, missing items, etc.
21. You are raw with emotions none of which make any sense to you anymore – but you know this feeling all too well anymore. Your thoughts may not even be clear enough at this point to understand that something is terribly wrong with you because you are always in a fog and basically DISSABLED. You are probably thinking of ways to “fix” the relationship AGAIN. Perhaps you may know that the situation is just not right but you are even willing to “fix” him/her, but at what cost to you? You may even be getting ready to crawl back to your partner, but you know the drill so well because it is like a reoccurring dream where you are screaming and can’t be heard or trying to run and you aren’t able to move.
YES, to all of the above in my situation – so WHY and HOW did I get there? A little personal information to help you understand!
Throughout my relationship, I knew that the person I was ‘with’ wasn’t emotionally well, I just didn’t know how unwell AND how emotionally unwell I had become for even wanting to continue and staying in this toxic relationship. I was blind sighted by the ‘love bombing’ and believing the “woe-be-me” stories/excuses in the beginning which are the most dangerous of the tools a Narcissist uses to trap their target.
For those who have been through it, I don’t need to explain any of this. It just didn’t make any sense to me! It was like something inside of them is/was wrong, injured, or whatever. Unfortunately, I believed it could be fixed or I could HEAL this person, so I kept applying “bandages” in an attempt to fix something SO unseen, so deep, and so damaged that I couldn’t even begin to understand it yet alone fix it. I WAS TOTALLY BLINDSIGHTED by what was abuse and I ended up damaging MYSELF IN THE PROCESS!
Empathy, caring and unconditional love can cure many things, but NOT with a Malignant Narcissist and it would be more akin to throwing gas on a fire with the hopes to extinguish it. They are not in ANY relationship for friendship, bonding, or love by any means! What really defines them is an abhorrent being and someone that would scheme, manipulate and brain-wash another into believing they had something that was a connection, real, or even as wonderful as “love” and then use THAT to debase, dehumanize and destroy the person AFTER they got what it was that they wanted. But that is the downfall of anybody that buys into this abhorrent relationship with them – BELIEVING in them!
Normal in my relationship was basically achieving ONE SINGLE DAY without some sort of incident where I was blamed, shamed or punished AND RAGED at for something or other – and usually something delusional or unreal. “Normal” simply meant that my Narcissist was still there and we achieved a complete day without an incident. What was so hidden behind all of this was the reality of just what was there with me – a lying, betraying, perverted, manipulative, cheating, delusional, disordered, vile, and VOLATILE human being that got off on hurting and punishing me. An argument (out of nowhere) would always end up as 3 days of silence and punishment – and the opportunity for this Narcissist to constantly cheat, betray and then blame me. This sounds crazy but it is the real truth – UNFORTUNATELY the truth isn’t apparent when we need it to be because they are PRO’s at this game. Add to this that we tend to view the world in a NORMAL or reality-based manner, and within that thought process I NEVER thought another adult was capable of doing the things this person did to me and my family. It is like the iceberg theory – what you see above the water is MINOR compared to what is beneath the water!
I started investigating and reading everything I could find on any mental illness that this person would fit into so I could help THEM. I had always suspected that bipolar was the possible diagnosis because the Narcissist’s mother as well as an ex-spouse mentioned it to me on numerous occasions as it concerned many problems from a PAST marriage, so that was where I began AND that blind sighted me to the real truth. I just couldn’t understand how this person, could all of the sudden, be so detached, so cold, cruel, distant, and with a temper so terrible that it was actually scary and getting worse. It was meant to be scary because that is how they debase and control – they are psycho bullies that have to feel powerful by putting life and people down. This person was BEYOND anything I could have done to help – and I am not even sure that there is therapy enough out there to make a dent in how disordered and vile this Malignant Narcissist had been to me and my family, as well as many before me. I only wish I could have known about this disorder to know that I wasn’t dealing with someone that couldn’t change or even wanted to change – I was dealing with a predator that I fell prey to!
Then there were all of these CRAZY, horrible and UNTRUE things this person (the Narcissist) was saying about me and WHY? Then I found information about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, it was like a light bulb turned on inside my head and a HUGE ‘Ah Ha’ moment. From that point on I knew that what I suspected was true and that there was a name to this disorder and none of this was about me or my fault. It was a Malignant Narcissist I was dealing with!
At that point in my juncture I wanted to know more. I discovered a wealth of knowledge in websites, personal blogs, articles and books relating to the subject. I couldn’t believe the number of people who had been through similar situations AND most if not all had been to hell and back trying desperately to make things work with their partners, only to wind up alone and confused, hurt and ABUSED. I read so many horror stories about this ‘personality disorder’ that was basically describing cruelty or even evil.
With knowledge, education and the support of other victims/targets you will see the complete picture – and it will never make what they did better, but you will understand because you have finally been educated into what they are and what YOU aren’t. A Narcissist is a dead giveaway in the way they create their delusional turmoil after each and every departure from one of their con jobs or relationships as the Narcissist prefers to call them. While they are running away like the thieves they really are with their tails between their legs, they are really running away from the truth of who and what they are. We are the truth they are running from as they are throwing lies at us in an effort to smear our integrity and destroy us. They never can or will admit to what they have done, instead they will always slither into someone else’s life to find shelter and take what they can emotionally and physically. No/minimal contact to end the madness and chaos. Greg