Don’t be a prisoner to an abusive Narcissist for life by allowing their messages to have space in your mind and heart forever – THIS HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU – it had EVERYTHING to do with a personality disordered Narcissist! The first real steps to recovery – knowledge and a strong education.

From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @

SAY NEVER! We never, never, never deserved this and most assuredly NEVER, EVER asked for this abuse because of WHO we are. ALSO say to yourself that YOU do not have issues, or are to blame, the problem or any of the negative rhetoric this Narcissist forced into your heart and head. We wonder where our prince/princess charming has gone and WHAT HAS HAPPENED that made this go so wrong because now they are more like Dr. Jekyll and Mr./Ms. Hyde. Well the time has come that we HAVE to move forward and learn about these predators and what we experienced was more like the fairy tale or monster novel that I described in the prior sentence because none of it was real. We have ONE DIRECTION and that is forward and now it is time for some education about this abuse and THAT is where you must go. We could only have wished we had known that this was abuse prior to this deceptive and destructive experience – but how could we have known that this really existed and that there are predators out there like a psychologically abusive Narcissist.


Time to EDUCATE and LIBERATE yourself! Your knowledge will be your success in recovering. It will break the chain of this abuse OR thinking we can help them, cure them, use our ‘love’ to fix them and reverse this, change them, OR plead, bargain or negotiate with this abuser. You WILL quickly realize it is impossible and how the abuser wants us to react to keep us chained up in the chaos of this abuse and under their control. We will finally comprehend they have a problem we can’t possibly fix. Malignant Narcissists are masters at their game AND targeting our empathy, caring, and nurturing instincts as well as capturing us through their fake charm and ‘love.’ If you’ve been attempting to fix this over and over again, STOP and accept the inevitable failure of these attempts and accept the reality that they are what they are (abusive) and there is only one direction and that is OUT of their disordered world and free from them and the debilitating chaos. We have to fix ourselves and right all the wrongs and return back to a real life and the living again.


Their personality traits are so deeply ingrained into the cycles of this abuse that they are totally out of control and beyond ANY HELP WE COULD OFFER. They live a perverse lifestyle and have ridiculously bad judgment as it concerns any other human beings – they just don’t care what they do and hurting others is simply part of the process of getting everything they want. They simply don’t care who they hurt, be it their spouse, partner, mother, father, brother, sister, biological children, friend, co-worker and even their pets. They DO NOT possess the mechanics of empathy, emotions, bonding or love. Their world is satisfied ONLY through EXTERNALIZED stimulation or objectification AND if threatened they will simply annihilate the person that questions them or ATTEMPTS to make them accountable for their abusive actions


They are not able to be in a close relationship or any relationship for that matter because there is no constraint in their life as it concerns their delusional and destructive actions toward other people. THEY JUST DON’T CARE and this IS the real and ONLY truth we must accept to move on and away from them. They lie and betray to manipulate us into believing that they care so they can use AND abuse every aspect of our lives.


In the end, we mourn the loss of reality in our life, along with dreams, memories, time together, small laughs and shared experiences. We mourn the loss of our life as if a part of us was erased or died from this hideous abuse. Our emotional scars cause us to doubt and question the real truth of this ugly reality. We are merely disposable objects to them, and that is incomprehensible to us.


The Narcissist will most certainly react to the use of personal boundaries (or our resistance to their control) but if we are to succeed and break the cycle of this abuse we have to build an impenetrable fortress to keep them out of our lives and heads forever. Violence is always a possibility with a Narcissist so keep this first and foremost in your mind ALWAYS. Be unyielding in protecting yourself with your personal AND physical boundaries as well as with your decisions and expectations from this person. This will go a long way in lifting yourself out from this thick fog and boosting your self-esteem and ending the abuse because you are taking the control away from the Narcissist and back where it belongs with yourself. Refuse to be a target/victim and don’t be a willing participant in your own abuse by ever conceding to this Narcissist ever again – they are not real by any means.


The process of ‘leaving and grieving’ is emotionally devastating and lengthy. Remember that there are options out there like professional therapy or join a support group to reinforce the fact that you are not alone in this. You are not JUST a victim in this abusive situation, you were targeted. In other criminal offenses, the word premeditated is a word often used to describe an action that was thought out beforehand! Don’t expect other people (no matter how close they are to you) to understand what you have been coping with. Without having their own experiences with disordered partners or Narcissists, they cannot fully understand and they won’t be able to offer the real emotional support you need and it is very disappointing to feel so alone without someone to understand and support you now. Don’t take it personally because you have enough on your plate already and you don’t need to feel abandoned and invalidated any more than what you already are. Remember it is hard enough for YOU to understand this yet alone someone else so your stories will sound incredulous.


Let’s think and talk about your emotions at this point. So, I will say what most every other writer says – YOUR EMOTIONS will be on a rollercoaster ride with so many highs and lows. There will be many times when you doubt yourself, and question the reality of this all and WHY you. You can expect good and bad days, obsessive thinking, and thoughts of revenge, anger and serving justice. This is all part of the process – even stirring up all the negativity that essentially is a part of recovery so you can externalize or get rid of it from your mind and get to a healthy life again. We are inquisitive creatures and we NEED to understand so we can make real decisions and form thoughts accordingly. Keep a journal it is an amazing tool because it requires a commitment on your part to keep active and stay strong and on track to recover – it is also wonderful therapy. I did it and it helped me out tremendously because I could read my thoughts on paper and it was like looking from the outside in and gave me a truer perspective when I came back to those thoughts. Surround yourself with good and normal people that can make you smile and even laugh – do NOT isolate yourself and become trapped in your own thoughts about this abuse.


Let’s talk about the relationship with ourselves because we need to be firm with ourselves too. We need to live in the reality of the situation to heal and move forward or stay in this fog forever. We have to ditch that ‘if only’ or need for closure WITH the Narcissist involved, or that obsessive thinking that keeps us hooked wanting to see what’s happening in their lives. We need to accept the truth that we MUST detach and be strong and resist the urge to reconnect with them because they are abusers and ALL of this was a huge con job to trap us into their agenda. You don’t want any part of that anymore because it is destructive to your well-being. Time is our best friend. If we do have to reconnect with this abuser because of obligations – BUSINESS ONLY!


OK, so this is the start of your journey or the first few steps to start out on that road to recovery and that involves fully understanding that you were a victim of this abuse and the person you loved or cared for was personality disordered and COMPLETELY dysfunctional. It was pathological in such an extreme manner that it is just impossible to understand how another human being could be so cruel and abhorrent to lead a basically good, caring, and loving person down a road of psychological abuse that essentially could destroy or damage them for life. This is a feeling that nobody could ever understand and there are NO ADEQUATE words to describe the feeling of what this abuse does to a sane, loving and empathic person. To understand the time that is lost, the EXTREME betrayal, and the experience of feeling worthless AND punished for no other reason than the fact that you were at the wrong place at the WRONG time and chosen by a predator to be their next victim of abuse. It is incomprehensible and takes so much self-reflection, strength, courage, love, self-compassion, validation, and a new journey that we MUST embark on to fix ourselves now. Sometimes it doesn’t happen because many targets/victims do not even understand that they have been abused, they are convinced that they were to blame and have issues concerning their mental health because the abuse was basically psychological terrorism and MEANT to make them feel insane, crazy, etc. They were intentionally led down this road by a malignant Narcissist and the ABUSE has disabled them mentally so they also believe they ARE AT FAULT and live in that confusion and fog forever and NEVER recovering fully! THIS is why knowledge and education is your first effective tool to unravel the extreme confusion – that and no/minimal contact. Greg

Posted on August 11, 2017, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. I’m so worn out with all the messages from him saying I’m the one abusive , with issues, vindictive, crazy and insecure. He is telling all these people some mutual friends all this. Alot have come to me telling me they’ve heard from other women the same story as mine as far as having to support him pay his gas bar tabs cigarettes etc but I AM the only one he literally destroyed my life. Everything has been taken from me and I’m at rock bottom.

    I realize the only lower he can go is dig a 6ft hole and I will and can only move up. I know his true self what he fools everyone on who he is.
    He started contacting me when he found out I was suing him for the thousands he owes me. Threatening that I won’t win in court . Well I kept good records. Telling me he would tell judge I’m nuts and crazy. I explained this is small claims. Only money is the issue. They don’t care about our so called relationship and who hates who. I had said so many times in the past I’d sue him and never did. Well I did this time as what damage he did to my life was unbelievable.

    He was telling me he has moved on with a better person than me. Well until they buy him harleys. trucks. Help his family. money. home. food. cigarettes. bar tabs. jobs. etc as long as I did ( over 3 years) noone is better. When he found out of lawsuit he said he was out of state… then told process server he was at a bar come see him. Then told me he was leaving w his new better woman on a 7 day cruise past fri. Well a mutual friend saw him 3 days ago at a bar ( this was last day him n I had contact via email ) . This guy hadn’t seen him in months as he moved out of state. Went up to him to say hi and my ex just shrugged him off
    Bad mood… Huh if so happy w new better woman and cruise…. Why would he be unhappy n moody? I mean next day leaving on cruise right?? My ex always tried to steer me in wrong direction so who knows what the truth is.
    Each day I just work to rebuild and it’s so hard. I know my ex will one day try agsin. He once said he never let’s anyone go. I know I’m getting better slowly as I can see a picture of him as I’m packing my home up and all I see is an evil monster…..


  2. This is so true! It has been my life. I met my husband at 15years old, he was a narcissistic predator. I have been married over 43years, trying to always work things out. We have two grown sons, and 6 grandchildren. He has cheated,lied and lost everything we built together, left and planned his escape, blamed me form all, I am crazy! I am so betrayed, @ 63yrs I have been the family caretaker and now I am divorced lost my home and family! He is enjoying the pain he has caused because it is never his fault! He has new girl, gated home, his job, and owns both of my sons business. I lost all, trying to move forward from that!


  3. Nadine Lockhart

    Interesting that you mention, “The Narcissist will most certainly react to the use of personal boundaries . . . Violence is always a possibility with a Narcissist so keep this first and foremost in your mind ALWAYS. Be unyielding in protecting yourself with your personal AND physical boundaries . . .”
    I’ve done all I could: Changed locks, blocked email, blocked phone, and filed a Restraining Order, which was served last week. He finally moved out between the time I filed and the time he was served, which was about a week’s time, though he never knew it was coming.
    Yet, when I read the quoted paragraph from the text (see above) and I recall how he would always try to contact women from his past (though they would not reply, only one threatened a restraining order if he didn’t stop; I’m the only one who actually went to court to obtain a Judge’s signature and have the Sheriff serve him).
    So, I’m wondering: WILL THAT MAKE THE DIFFERENCE? What’s your experience?
    When I made the appointment with the locksmith, I had not wanted to spend the money, but I had a nagging premonition. The soonest I could get was two days out. And guess what? The morning the locks were changed, he tried to break in that night as he thought I was a work. My old work schedule just got shifted and that was the first week I no longer worked that night. Premeditated. It was two days BEFORE he was served with the restraint.
    However, when he was back at the car because he couldn’t get in, I could not see him when I looked straight at him; instead, and this is hard to explain, was an empty void or a dark demon. I couldn’t see HIM, the him I knew. Now this viper of sorts. I don’t understand.
    Though even with that experience, and even with my feeling hypervigilent, I do believe he will never contact me again. So, again, did others feel this way and it still happened? Even with an Order?
    Lastly, I’ll also be moving in a few weeks, so he should, at that point, not even know where I live. We’ll be in the same town, but almost opposite sides of it.


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