Nar•cis•sist [nahr-suh-sist] – noun – con artist, scammer, liar, extortionist, manipulator, thief, user, “Charms to Harm,” abuser. PREDATOR after PREY!

From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @ https://www.amazon.com

The Narcissist looks for targets that he/she can harvest supply from as well as to shield or camouflage their disordered and perverted lifestyle. Usually their targets are just your everyday good people who are responsible, productive, intelligent, centered, kind, generous, trusting, empathetic and loving, or all of the characteristics that the Narcissist does not possess. Narcissists definitely do not have these positive characteristics or any for that matter so they have to embellish their void with a façade and these ‘stolen’ qualities to fit in. They lack any and all empathy, do not know love, and have no compassion so an out-of-control lifestyle and chaos rules them. All of this disconnection from life allows the Narcissist to conduct his/her life in an all-consuming pattern of taking what they want from people through controlling behavior to achieve this coupled with abuse, pathological lies, and destructive manipulation. Among every other negative quality Narcissists possess they are also con artists, extortionist and thieves as well – they just don’t psychologically destroy a victim – they annihilate the victim’s life!

 

The Narcissist is a human that is not fully functioning – and quickly becomes very adept at “fitting in” with camouflage or “a mask” as it is described clinically. Initially, the Narcissist will size up AND take in as much if not of all of the new target’s behavior and mimic it or mirror it back to them to SEEM like they have so much in common with the victim. The Narcissist is VERY ADEPT AT THIS and will carefully study the target’s interactions with others, as well as their body language, tone of voice, and general demeanor. As an expert predator/hunter, the Narcissist will methodically craft a plan of attack and begin to track and assess their target’s every thought. The Narcissist will slowly approach the target with complimentary words and statements and then the Narcissist will model themselves and their behaviors to what he/she thinks will please and SNARE their new target into their web of deceit and destruction. The Narcissist will assume the behavior of the target’s “perfect partner”. The Narcissist knows what the target desires in a partner or mate and morph’s right into that role – the MOST PERFECT friend, lover or whatever the relationship may be. This is the most important aspect in the Narcissist’s arsenal of tools – GAINING TRUST of their target soon to be victim – this is the CHARM or love bombing. Without it the cycle of abuse and extortion will just not happen and the Narcissist is unable to secure their LIFE SUSTAINING supply so they HEAVILY invest in this tactic. Remember without it they CAN NOT get to their precious source of supply NOR can they cannot survive without it – so this basically describes the truth of the situation or that they are PREDATORS AFTER PREY. Ask yourself about how deeply you fell into their ‘charming’ introduction or the idealization phase where they pulled you right into their agenda and then their abuse.

 

Once the Narcissist has caught the attention of their new target, they will move in for the kill. The Narcissist will begin by coming on very strong, telling the target that they are special and of course the Narcissist will say they were meant for each other because they are a match made in heaven or SOUL MATES. The Narcissist will constantly flatter their target and be very attentive, calling or texting them many times a day, just to say “they (the Narcissist)” were thinking of them. The Narcissist will quickly assume a strong role and become an important person in the target’s life and he/she will find that they are swept off their feet by this “wonderful, perfect partner (the Narcissist)”. Once the Narcissist has become totally entwined in the target’s life and vice versa, the role will change for them from target to victim. The Narcissist will then start to isolate the victim so that they become solely dependent on the Narcissist as their trusted confidant in life.

 

Every person I talked to after I moved on from my abuse, said the same exact words to me concerning my Narcissist STRONGLY PURSUING them – AND not the “replacement” supply – I am talking about the many affairs, that occurred during the time I spent with this Narcissist. It is one huge con job – there is no relationship, there never was and there never will be one. In my situation, the MANY supply sources on the side said my Narcissist was relentless when it came to pursuing them on “dating sites” – but then again what does it say for those that gave into the pursuit. Most can relate to this when it comes to a Narcissist, and it is anything and everything that will basically say “yes” to them. When I realized the truth as compared to how I was “blind sighted” by the extreme manipulation and pathological lies – I came to the realization that this Narcissist was known for their perverted lifestyle, but was SO ADEPT at disguising the truth behind fake morals, pretending to be Christian and even condemning others for THEIR immoral ways. This Narcissist previously hid behind a spouse and biological children prior to me but ALSO lived a very active, deviant, and perverse sexual lifestyle on the side that eventually destroyed that family and marriage. These words should resonate and identify the truth as far as what Narcissists are and what they want and what they are capable of doing to get what they want, and that they are dangerous and destructive to society! Marriage or any relationship for that matter is not sacred to a Narcissist – it is only a convenience for the Narcissist to have a place to rest their head at night as well as having a steady source of supply to keep them occupied in between their many other sources, as well as a cover to hide what they really are. When I found out the truth I was in total denial – but soon enough I accepted the reality of how good my Narcissist was at lying and manipulating me into believing that horrendous façade. Hindsight is always 20/20 as they say and how unfortunate for us that it had to be so – the truth would have saved us from so much devastation.

 

The Narcissist’s reign of terror and destruction begins with small negative comments about the victim. The Narcissist will begin to mentally disassemble the victim’s self-esteem and beliefs about themselves and the relationship to basically make them feel solely dependent on them to basically do the ‘thinking.’ What was once considered the perfect relationship now becomes a relationship that is unnerving, controlling, debasing, dehumanizing, gut wrenching, unstable and full of blame and shame. The victim is constantly kept emotionally and psychologically off balance by the insidious behaviors of their Narcissistic partner and ALWAYS having to explain themselves and feeling like they have to do more and more to please the Narcissist. The Narcissist will make plans with the victim and cancel at the last minute. The Narcissist will talk only of themselves and THEIR needs and desires. If the victim dares to express a personal need, the Narcissist will instantaneously strike, like a venomous snake to remind the victim that the Narcissist needs are more important. The Narcissist will talk of making plans with the victim for their future and then the next day speaks of the future only in terms of the Narcissist’s future. The Narcissist will conveniently forget to pay back money he/she has borrowed from the victim as well as conveniently undermining many daily activities to make the victim seem and even feel unstable and unsure. The Narcissist is disassembling the victim’s self-esteem, spirit, psyche and ENTIRE life little by little to gain complete control and drain the target/victim completely of every resource they can. This is considered brain-washing and even terrorizing a victim into submission through these destructive CONTROL tactics. Remember this Narcissist is also pursuing supply on the side that the target/victim will soon come to realize so the betrayal is a HUGE issue as well. A Narcissist is always look for somebody to replace us or just extra supply – this is what they do that we have no knowledge of.

 

Is this a disorder as well as a NON-functioning human being? Well we have to say yes because NO NORMAL person would act out in this manner against another human being, but let’s not forget that there is a great deal of thought put into this abuse. It is cognitive, meaning that the Narcissist puts rational thought evoking processes into effect to get the desired results they want from their targets/victims. SO can we safely say it is premeditated? That word is largely used in the legal profession to describe somebody that has carefully thought out a crime with INTENTION! If a criminal is charged with this they go to jail without passing go! It’s a ‘Monopoly’ saying when you draw the card that says, “Go Directly to Jail and do not pass Go or collect any money” – a little bit of my dry humor.

 

The victim becomes less and less of what they use to be prior to meeting the Narcissist. It becomes a vicious cycle of denigration, debasing, dehumanization and destruction by the Narcissist until there is nothing of substance left of the victim. The dismantling of the victim total identity was skillfully orchestrated by the Narcissist, and then as if to add INSULT TO INJURY the Narcissist will unmercifully criticize and blame the victim for “not being the person” the Narcissist fell in love with. All of the “blame and shame” will ceremoniously be dumped on the victim to kick them down even further into the destruction a Narcissist inflicts on everyone. The Narcissist will even “project” their betrayal and perverse lifestyle onto the victim and accuse them of what they (the Narcissist) is actually doing. The Narcissist will not yield to anything once they have the reigns of terror going and will even physically make fun of their victim to inflict every possible form of damage they can. This disables the victim completely so they can’t possibly fight back and expose the Narcissist as the REAL abuser they are. The Narcissist has been back-stabbing and “smearing” the victim to family, friends, co-workers and any other people that will listen to further damage the integrity of the victim. The Narcissist will then discard the victim quickly and without regard. The cycle of abuse and destruction has been completed. The victim has been disabled by the Narcissist and left by the roadside and too vulnerable to fight back. This describes and is NARCISSISTIC ABUSE or better yet emotional and psychological rape of their victim. This is not simply “emotional abuse”, or a bad relationship between two people – this is a calculated attack of a predator after prey. This is a disordered human being that willfully harms good people – EVEN their own biological children will become victims of their damaging cycle of abuse. Predator after prey!

 

As always, I end with go “NO CONTACT” – unequivocally it is the only way to gain your freedom from this calculating, disordered, manipulating, cunning, lying, extortionist and abuser that MEANS to inflict damage on their prey as well as take everything they can! This IS NOT bashing a Narcissist, it is defining the reality of the situation as it concerns THEIR actions and how they abuse people – just some hard and true facts that we NEED to actualize. You can and will recover from this abuse – but YOU MUST understand that the Narcissist is as calculated in their attacks on people as is a shark with its prey. Once you establish the facts/truth about your abuser you must put it all into perspective to release from the “blame and shame” as well as the worthlessness that you feel and the Narcissist made you internalize or better yet forced down your throat. Find that spirit, it is still there with you as well as your self-esteem, goodness, empathy and LOVE — I promise you that this had NOTHING to do with who or what you are, it has to do with an extremely disordered person that manipulated you into ALL OF THIS because they are an abhorrent and disordered human being. You are and always have been the beautiful and amazing person you were – THAT IS WHY YOU ARE STILL HERE TODAY and you still have tomorrow – and don’t give that up. You WILL be the person you once were! Greg

Posted on July 23, 2017, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. This is so spot on true I can’t even explain! Thank you Greg! GOD bless you!
    I am a Christian woman who was in a very vulnerable place when I met my narc who claimed to be an ordained minister. I soon realized he was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Fortunately the LORD gave me warning dreams of this man before I met him. One dream where I was in a white brightly lit room and he suddenly showed up and began seducing me while I kept saying “No I don’t want this” and he lead me to a stairwell into what appeared at first as a basement but by the time I got down to the third step I looked down and realized it was a deep dark pit…I suddenly shouted NO! and ran up to the light through the open door at the top …and I woke up. In three of the six warning dreams about him, he appeared as a man with orange spikey hair but when I looked closer his hair was like pointed razor blades and he had this strange smile on his face. In one of the other three dreams he was a large black centipede. The last two dreams I won’t mention.
    He played the charm well until the day after I married him. That’s when he turned into a monster overnight. It’s all there, the love bombing, crossing every boundary from day one, heavy duty control, manipulation, seduction, shame and guilt, pathological lying, constantly keeping me on edge, coming into the room suddenly and baiting me into a hellish fight then pointing his iPhone camera on me and then the onslaught of abuse, the gaslighting, the isolation, the triangulation, the flying monkeys and smear campaign and pitting my friends against me, accusing me of being to blame for any and all abuse I suffered in the past, the spiritual abuse, screaming expletives at me and calling me obscene names, controlling the money I earned, sabotaging my work, always coming home commenting on how gorgeous and tempting women were when he was out and about by himself somewhere even claiming the women at church were always looking at him, then threatening I was pushing him to have an affair if I didn’t give him sex often enough, threatening to commit suicide if I ever left him, controlling who I could and could not associate with, telling people at church lies about me, he unloaded his arsenal of abuse against me if I dared attempt to stand up for myself or call him out on anything. And relentless cycle of love bombing to reel me back in again. It got to a point where I could predict his next move. Many times throughout our 8 year “marriage” he said he wanted me to call him “Lord”. That’s right! He even proceeded to give Scripture verses (taking them out of context of course) to justify even that. I never did though thank GOD. He was NEVER wrong. No apologies. That was the rule…complete denial. If anyone was to blame it was me.
    I was not a wife but literally a servant, a possession, a tool, an ornament to make him look good. A punching bag. A piece of clay. Not a human.
    I finally found about Covert Sociopathic Narcissistic Abuse and had to learn first what a healthy boundary was (I had no clue). I had to learn how to go grey rock, and that love and forgiveness and praying for the abuser does not mean stay with the unrepentant abuser. I had to come to the point where I stopped buying into the lie that I was a horrible discompassionate person for wanting to leave him and taking the steps necessary to do it. I had to stop feeling ashamed of myself for being such a useable puppet for this person. I also had to realize staying with a soul-rapist who was hell-bent on destroying me from the inside out as well as my faith and relationship with GOD was NEVER GOD’s plan for my life! Neither was I going to accept feeling falsely condemned of GOD that I was sinning against GOD if I left and yes divorced this man. There is quite a difference between a true Christian and a fake. Just as there is significant difference between a marriage that GOD puts together and blesses and a snare of the devil through a very deceitful and sinful person taking complete grotesque advantage of someone in a vulnerable and desperate situation, hard pressuring me into sin and rushing me into marrying him through lies, guilt and shame within 7 weeks of meeting him, a man that GOD was warning me about in the first place.
    Btw, he is a carbon copy of his father who abused his wife verbally, emotionally and physically for 50 years. She had what I referred to as “Abused Wife Syndrome” until I discovered it is called Stockholm’s Syndrome. She defended her abuser, and denied any abuse even with horrible bruises, black eyes, and broken bones and numerous back surgeries (as a result of her “clumsiness”) though the years. Her excuse was she “ran into a door” “must have tripped on something”.
    I have a lot of healing to do and learning how to trust people again as well as my sense of judgement, and most importantly, repairing my relationship with GOD. I became very angry at Him for a time but realized He was with me helping to understand things in the midst. By His grace full healing will come and in staying no contact. I can walk away with being thankful I’m still alive, that GOD loves me, He is with me and hasn’t given up on me. I can know I am all the wiser in learning an important lesson that will help in the future as long as I’m still here and hopefully, as GOD wills, I can use this help others.

    Like

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