HOW did they (the Narcissist) move on so quickly and they even say they LOVE this new person!
From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @ https://www.amazon.com
Today or whatever day you are sitting there and feeling such a debilitating and sick feeling in the pit of your stomach because of something you saw or heard that this Narcissist is off and having the time of their life with a new person is just all about the Narcissist warping your reality AGAIN (AND the new supplies unfortunately.) This is still all about the devaluation that you spent so much of your time trying to reconcile – you believed that so much of this was your fault and that blame lingers in your mind and NOW you believe that this Narcissist has found a new and better ‘love of their life.’ You are still trying to fix this in some manner to alleviate the pain you feel, but now it is only at a distance and you are the only participant. That Narcissist is off and into a new target/victim, so you keep searching for those answers where there really aren’t any REAL answers and only images that lead you back to feeling like YOU were/are unworthy.
OK so your Narcissist is sending all kinds of messages that they are in love, maybe they got married within a few weeks after they abandoned you (or if YOU were the one that left the relationship.) First who does that – you don’t meet someone within days or weeks of a breakup and commit to them. WELL a Narcissist does AND probably had that supply on the side the whole time as backup. What I am trying to get at is that this is all about the cycle of abuse – the love bombing, devaluation, discard and then the Narcissist with new supply within a very short period of time. This is just a new person for this Narcissist to cycle into abuse and more than likely they have been searching for, procuring, and building up a harem of new supply throughout your entire relationship with them.
SO that pretty picture about the two of them out there and being in love, etc., is that Narcissist SECURING new supply to LOCK into the debilitating abuse PURE and SIMPLE. Call it stage one or the ‘love bombing,’ but it is EXACTLY what you went through when YOU met this Narcissist. You still feel attached at the hip to this Narcissist because you had REAL emotions as it concerned YOUR relationship and probably still love them. Unfortunately, even though the Narcissist was akin to a monster, the love you felt for them doesn’t just disappear when you finally realize that what you loved was an abusive Narcissist. Because you loved them DOESN’T make you weak or anything negative because we all fall in love but unfortunately what we fell into was a trap and con job that was expertly executed and NOW being repeated with a new target. Your emotions WILL still come into play when you are trying to actualize the truth of this whole mess and especially after seeing that they have moved on so quickly and you are still crawling your way out of the huge void they left for you and feeling traumatized. You HAVE to separate yourself from emotions with pure fact. It isn’t easy when you are so vulnerable, but at least if you can say to yourself that they are abusers and what they have with the new supply is just as unreal as what you experienced, it will start to plant a seed in your mind that will grow with time (and more education) – AND A CLEARER PICTURE about the truth.
Narcissists don’t love they secure supply and trap that supply with what appears to be love BUT ISN’T anything near it (as you are getting to understand now). You are seeing your life with them being repeated in the EXACT same pattern. The only coefficient that is different here is the new supply that is NONE THE WISER. That new supply is the new you and will be in your shoes one day. It is just a matter of time until the new supply figures it all out and that could be months to years, but BE ASSURED it WILL happen as it did to you and anyone else that connects to this Narcissist. All of their relationships failed and guess whose fault it was? Well the Narcissist isn’t going to admit that they are disordered and not a fully functioning human so it is ALWAYS the other person that gets the blame. Just textbook logic.
Take yourself back and how you were duped into this relationship and you handed all of your trust over to this Narcissist. Did you somehow magically change and become so disordered that you deserved to be dehumanized and abused like you were? NO, NO, NO – this is what abuse is all about as it concerns this predator securing supply. Again, it is just using control as a tool to isolate a target, gain power over them and keeping them dancing with the disordered Narcissist. It is objectification and subjugation of a human being!
If you ever broke up from a previous and normal relationship did you feel this disconnected and left without any sense of closure? Were you hated as a Narcissists hates their ex’s, or was your integrity destroyed? Only Narcissists do this with astonishing agility to destroy those that they know they have harmed! Just look for the Narcissist’s past and you won’t find it anywhere within reach of the new supply. The Narcissist separates their past from their present for a reason and that is to avoid exposure. You could talk until you are blue in the face to the new supply but you will probably get nowhere because they believe just as you did at one time that THIS IS THEIR SOUL MATE. BUT they do know something is not quite right even now and trust me on this one!
So, remember, every message you may hear or see is sent to make you feel jealous, hurt you and manage you down more AND to keep you vulnerable and silent. When I look back and piece these messages together I only see ‘crazy making’ and contradictory messages like the Narcissist had to convince many people once more that another failed relationship was NOT their fault. This is nothing new for a Narcissist to have so much craziness around them – this is their out-of-control lifestyle, but unfortunately they HAVE to have a 24/7 source of supply there to drag through their pretend world – and that was all of our roles as it is the new supplies role now. When relationships end both parties usually move on, but the Narcissist does not allow this because they still want to control and demean us and if you partake in any of their messages you will only stay frozen within those messages. But if you allow yourself time to heal and NEW clarity you will see through all of their deceit.
The emotions that we draw our conclusions from loving this Narcissist can damage us more and become a driving force especially as it concerns this abuse. There is no closure just tons of messages from a disordered creature that wants you to feel their wrath as well as abuse you just a little bit more to perhaps take you over the edge – I had to deal with this for almost a YEAR. Don’t let it because it will only lock you up in a vicious circle of obsessive thoughts that have no basis of reality because you are dealing with a Narcissist and you NOW know what they are and do. They want to continue to control you and enjoy it with all of their off-color messages and gestures of happiness. The many supporters they SEEM to have are surface friends that haven’t had to deal with their abuse personally as we have so they are clueless and lack the depth to see the real truth. Narcissist don’t maintain or harbor deep friendships, they con, use and abuse. We can’t blame the new supply or dislike them, because we were in THEIR shoes once and look where it got us, BUT we also protected the Narcissisrt and stayed with them until we couldn’t anymore.
In reality you loved the love, because you were the only participant in this relationship. There was a body there with you but it used and abused you and loved the adulation and admiration it saw reflected in your face. This creature extorted your whole life through betraying and cheating your love day after day. Just what would you consider as viable love in your relationship with them? What would you want from this Narcissist that can never love you, more abuse because that is the only thing they have to offer?
When you feel the urges to drown yourself with emotions, just remember those emotions were real to you and you are an amazing person that can love but that person you loved was stealing your life through this love. They are disordered and will always be that way. You must separate your emotions from the reality of WHAT they are and build on that aspect through more education. There is NOTHING amazing about them and never will be, they will continue abusing people and tricking all of their little minions that they manipulate as well.
The cost of your relationship was a deep psychological punch to your mind and soul that left scars. Don’t ask yourself to justify anything about your Narcissist and new supply as being good or real. Don’t connect to ANYTHING that they are waving in your face at a distance because they are doing it for a reason to protect themselves and fool more people into believing their incredulous lies and disordered lifestyle. Try to stay away from any thoughts about them as it concerns you and the love you felt. Turn that back into yourself and take your power back. Love yourself because that is where you will see the results that will take you on a journey to recovery! No/minimal contact and no peaking to see what is going on in their world. It is a dark and disordered world that you should never look back at. Greg