What they APPEAR to be and what they really are! What is really behind that charm and facde?
From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @ https://www.amazon.com
When most people think of a Narcissist, they picture someone obsessed with themselves, mostly their physical appearance as they gaze upon their image in a mirror with COMPLETE admiration of their own beauty. If that were only the truth, there would be many people in this world that wouldn’t have lost so much at the hands and the destructive actions and words from a PERSONALITY DISORDERD Narcissist. Most people have never heard of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), a real condition certifiable through every psychological journal that is written out there. The Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) is the handbook for mental health professionals and outlines this specific disorder. Who reads those journals if you are not in the field, so most had to learn the hard way by being abused by one.
Narcissists are very elusive creatures, so you won’t find them in a therapist’s office embarking on a journey of introspection to get counseling for their personality disorder OR their abusive behaviors toward others. When I was in therapy I asked my therapist if they have ever treated a Narcissist AND the answer was a resounding ‘NO.’ A Narcissist will never enter into therapy because they are convinced they don’t have a problem because it is always YOU and I that have the problem and NOT them AND they are NOT going to admit that they are an abuser. They may go to counseling for appearance sake or to secure and abuse medications. How unfortunate for those of us that have endured their manipulative and disabling abuse because they leave behind a high body count of targets/victims. It is the victims that are the ones seeking real therapy and how surreal is that!
ANY type of relationship with a Narcissist will leave a person doubting their own sanity – the target/victim, and there is always a target/ victim that is left in total shock, with their jaw dropping to the floor, shaking their head and wondering, “What has happened?” Then, try talking about your experiences with a Narcissist or describe the abuse to friends, family, a loved one or even a stranger. If you try to explain the disorder through YOUR personal experiences, people will look at you like you have three heads on your shoulders and none of them are talking or making any sense.
It is highly unlikely that anyone (even those people you tried to explain Narcissism too) HASN’T ever experienced someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder they just never had a personal relationship with one to see the real person and the abuse in private. Narcissists are ALWAYS flying under the radar with many disguises. They are the most CHARMING charmers, and just so nice to people who are in the position to do something for them, or to people who just don’t have any closeness or role in their personal life to see the reality of who and what they are. Once you get emotionally close to a Narcissist, THEN AND ONLY THEN do you get to see them drop their carefully crafted and charming mask that hides the out-of-control and abusive creature behind it AND that is after they have TOTALLY fooled and conned you in.
A Narcissist is so seductive that he/she makes you believe in him/her with your whole heart, mind and soul. Unfortunately for all who tread on this emotional rollercoaster with a Narcissist they don’t realize just how dangerous this connection with them is until it is too late. The charm a Narcissist utilizes creates an oblivious feeling of being connected or very attracted to most everything about them. We can become fascinated with someone because of their physical beauty BUT a charming and captivating Narcissist does not necessarily have to have good looks to draw you in. Good looks, definitely, can increase the magnetic pull towards the Narcissist, but that is not at the core of this abuse, it is the manufactured charm that is a psychologically damaging and a deceptive tool used to manipulate, condition, manage you down and control you.
They charm people to death (figuratively) and this is what literally attracts us to them or that CHARM. But with a Narcissist it is that magnetism that makes you feel a sort of hypnotizing attraction that manifests itself in your psyche and every level of your soul and right to your core beliefs! In reality you are being charmed by their shrewd ability of REFLECTING back everything that is YOU creating this intoxicating and deep rooted bond. This intense connection is created when a person gives you the feeling like you’ve known them a long time, soul mates, or you feel very safe with them – perhaps you have known them in a prior life or whatever fantasy belief that Narcissist has instilled in your mind.
This is the Narcissists goal and they are the biggest con artists that exist and they mean to extort everything they can from you and THAT is why they are there and SEDUCING you into this so called connection with them. They have unlocked the door to your head and they are planning on using that entry to their advantage. They will move right in manipulate and manage down most everything that is your reality as you KNEW it. A skilled and extreme Narcissist knows just how to reflect your image right back onto you so that you feel like you are almost twins. What’s not to like and trust when you have EVERYTHING in common?
A Narcissist creatively figures out some unique and impressive angle quickly, and one that few people would ever engage in. Basically, they are manipulating and taking advantage of your emotions. Narcissists can typically outsmart almost everybody. They are always ten steps ahead of you, so much so that it is uncanny. They are very QUICK with these unique approaches and “BAM” they have swept you off of your feet and keep you there and diverted with that CHARM. What else is there to do but bask in the glow of this unique relationship with this amazing person! You are undeniably intrigued by everything about them. When your relationship sours because the ugly truth rears itself with a Narcissist, you better duck for cover and be ready for a whole lot of damage control.
Again, they are ten steps ahead of you and have already thought through how you will react and are ready to discredit, disable, and destroy you. You can trust that they are determined to humiliate and obliterate you to avoid exposure of the truth that they are abusive predators. More than likely they have already started another relationship well before they ended the relationship with you. It is always new and better supply and they will keep up this abusive cycle all throughout their lives. Remember they were there for only one reason and that was to use you and when they were done they were just going to move onto the next victim and obliterate your existence to avoid exposure!
A skillful Narcissist can tell anybody and everybody a great story just like reciting a well-known fairy tale because they are some of the greatest storytellers in the world. They can weave their fictional tales and lies into a complex story about themselves. They mesmerize you with amazing facts, statistics, trivia, history of events, to the point that you feel overwhelmed and just amazed at their acuity and accuracy. They are always the center of these stories, often re-writing their personal history, and lying to embellish the stories. One thing you can say is that they are hardly boring with their accounts of their amazing world and life.
They can incessantly talk and talk about most anything without skipping a beat with their amazing and interesting information. They are human chameleons that study human nature, but with a goal to further their power by enhancing their stature and influence the people around them to get what they crave – supply. Undoubtedly, they exaggerate their every claim and position in their life and they will even fake credentials to get where or what they want from life. They are addicted to this omnipotence and we are the audience or what they need to use as a mirror to see this amazing reflection of themselves. Unfortunately, what they do in the darkness without a care to the people that love them is also part of the equation and their ability to tell an amazing story to cover up their out-of-control lifestyle.
They lie to weasel their way in and out of any situation and come up smelling like a rose. They are pathological liars in every sense of the word and hide their hideous and perverted life. This is the sad reality of a human connection with them and if you keep that connection going it will turn personally disastrous and destructive for you as the truth becomes evident that they are not fully functioning human beings and they will take your life down with them.
Narcissists work extremely hard at making themselves believable as it concerns their overt lies and myths about themselves. They arm themselves with a vast array of learned information they have harvested through their observations of other humans. They acquire and then wear, personalize or enhance this information as if it is truly theirs. So, what is the goal again with all of this? To snag you into his/her Narcissistic lair to make you supply them with the things they need and can’t get because they are a dark and manipulative personality that envies life, love and people.
Unfortunately for those that fall prey to a relationship with them, they exploit one of the greatest emotions to manipulate you into a special place right alongside them and that is love and they even SAY that they LOVE you back! Loving them is like hosting a convention for bank robbers AT a bank with the vault right in sight. That bank vault will be emptied out and those robbers will point to the next person saying ‘they did it, not me” and then they will conveniently disappear with the goods.
Remember and completely internalize this – there is no marriage vow, relationship (even family), or connection to the care and love they proclaim they have for us that prohibits a Narcissist from doing exactly what they want because there are no consequences they feel internally and really there is NO RELATIONSHIP or bonding with them. BUT also remember this – YOU can love, YOU do possess empathy, YOU can love people, YOU can bond, and YOU will recover from the hack on your life from this creature! YOU were too strong for them and saw through their façade because YOU are amazing! The miracle here is that the Narcissist is out of your life no matter how painful it feels right now – be strong! No/minimal contact ALWAYS! Greg