Narcissists are like the Pied Piper they play a magical ‘charm’ flute that seduces all types of people to follow him/her wherever the Pied Piper wants them to go AND do what they want you to do. You are not even aware of the other people that are right there with you because all you hear is that magical tune that keeps playing in your heart and mind that is all lies and manipulation.
From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @ https://www.amazon.com
The truth and reality of any connection with a Narcissist is that you have been carefully selected, assessed, and chosen to be a source of supply, probably even compared to others and you may have even been given the ‘main’ position and now you are the 24/7 source of supply but we all have an expiration date. We ALL have a purpose and function PERIOD. As hard as this is to wrap your head around it is the real truth because Narcissists are not in this for any sort of connection other than what YOU have to offer.
You, me and most of the world mistake what ‘drives’ the Narcissist’s as real emotions and love BUT it was purely manipulation and a hideous betrayal to make us TRUST them and believe in the big ‘CON JOB!’ The Narcissist dances the relationship dance with you giving the appearance of being motivated by some form of relationship and having the same direction to pursue this relationship as you have. They talk the talk, walk the walk, and speak the words (really lies) of love and fidelity which reassures and confirms that you both are on the same page AND it is LOVE. Meanwhile, they feel a complete aversion to any real intimacy. They are not connecting to you on any earthly emotional level, but you are completely unaware of this and the real distance and dysfunction that defines their ‘personality disorder’ – well at least not yet. No, they are after something very different than what you are after. They are seeking out a full or part-time candidate to serve them, but they will also have other part-timers on the side providing and fulfilling many other services. In time when you leave them or are discarded AND amazed that they have moved on so quickly, you have to realize that they didn’t move on they just moved over a little bit to another source of supply that was probably always there. They are like the Pied Piper that plays that magical flute that seduces all types of people to follow him/her wherever the Pied Piper wants them to go. You are not even aware of the other people that are right there with you because all you hear is that magical tune.
They have this immense addiction and need for all things supply, or a certain amount and quality of attention that you have been chosen or determined by the Narcissist to be a good or excellent source. They groom and nurture you so completely and seamlessly with the charm so you will continue to give them everything. Through this betraying manipulation, the Narcissist can extort that supply right out of you and get what they want and what they came for. You are just one of many they steal life and love from. Once you are there with them or on the same page (basically hooked,) then it is your job to give them everything you have, or basically your whole life AND blind sighted by their lies that hide all of their psychopathy as well as their other sources. You are there as their main support of supply for them to fall back on when the other impersonal sources of ‘outside supply’ aren’t readily available – you are a matter of convenience just like every other source of supply. You are the steadfast supply that is always there for them because they locked you in with their lies of real love, etc. You are ‘old faithful’ as you continue to pour out supply to fill in all of the empty spaces. This will keep the Narcissist going especially in times of famine when those extra and exciting side sources of supply are not there for them or convenient or easy to get at or access. When you are in a relationship with a Narcissist you have entered into their pathological space and therefore his/her rules apply and they are defining reality for you. Nobody is real in a Narcissist’s life because we are all objects that have a specific purpose to provide constant supply. I hated hearing these words at first because I just didn’t understand because this was love and I knew it. Yes, it was love but only mine because what was offered in return was only lies, manipulation, betrayal and chaos to keep me from seeing the real truth that I was being conned into this agenda.
So YES there are debilitating consequences from years of this abuse! Victims of Narcissistic abuse often appear uncertain of themselves, constantly seeking clarification that they haven’t made a mistake or misheard something. Their confidence becomes so low that they have trouble making simple decisions, questioning and re-questioning things that came so natural to them before the abuse. This is a result from the emotional and psychological abuse used by Narcissists to erode their self-esteem, instill confusion and anxiety in their victim to the point where they no longer trust their own memory, perception or judgment. This is skillfully guided by the Narcissist and it clouds reality with leading statements like “I never said that”, “You are crazy”, or “you are imagining things.” The Narcissist will even step up the game by reinforcing these statements by backing them up with statements from friends, co-workers, or relatives that agree and ARE very concerned about the target/victim. This abuse is designed to break another person’s will, erase their personality and send them into the depths of despair – this is not love and never will be – it is psychological/emotional abuse pure and simple that destroys people – let’s be clear about the very truth and never believe it is anything else!
Gradually, the target/victim will NOT trust their own perceptions and doubt themselves completely. This more than often also induces trauma, depression and anxiety – separate issues that will have to be dealt with as well as the ‘other’ consequences of this hideous abuse. The target/victim is totally broken and unable to trust their own perceptions in life (the ones we take for granted as just knowing what to do in life, etc.) so they isolate themselves because life is just too confusing and they fear it (trauma). The victim doubts everything about themselves, their thoughts and opinions, their ideas and ideals or their entire belief system. Ask yourself here and now if you are experiencing this, maybe it is a feeling of hopelessness, fear, confusion, or just an abnormal sense of life, one where you feel very alone and without a real objective to change or fix this by moving on. It is like you have lost your motivation for life as you once knew it.
Targets/victims can and will become co-dependent on the abuser for their reality and the Narcissist loves this because that is their goal – TOTAL CONTROL of your thoughts and actions and they are at the steering wheel driving this abuse full forward. It creates a desperate love through extreme manipulation, grooming and conditioning from a personality disordered person. Who does this but a highly-disordered human being with a dark agenda? Who could take, steal away or destroy any portion of another person’s life for any reason yet alone with the agenda of a highly-disordered Narcissist that is basically driven by their own disdain of life AND an extortionist as well that wants everything they can take from another human being.
No relationship ever ends in such a shroud of hate and destruction as one that ends with a Narcissist. They annihilate every aspect of the relationship, the person, their life, their family, their friends, their career or basically everything in a manner to completely disable you/us. Every action and word that comes from a Narcissist is a bizarre attack on your personal reality. It takes you from the goodness and normality that you have had all of your life to a dark place where you now have feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness because EVERYTHING you do is wrong and you are basically worthless. Even after separation from a Narcissist, the abuse lives on because like a poison it has entered into every cell in your body and in the case of a Narcissistic abuse the poison destroys the mind and reality of their target/victim!
OK – YOU CAN BEAT THIS! You have the ability to unlearn what the Narcissist has conditioned you into believing about yourself and purge the many negative messages out of your mind. You have to do this so that you aren’t stuck in a fog of lies and manipulation that will only guide your life in a negative and destructive direction. What the Narcissist has made you internalize can be purged out of you and thrown away. Move yourself away from any level of this abuse by knowing that you and only you can change and find normality and the reality of a better life. Say no to the Narcissist, say no to the messages in your head that say you are not worthy, SAY NO TO THE ABUSE. Those negative words and debasing actions are only a curse/spell that the Narcissist casts out on the world and it can’t stick if the Narcissist doesn’t have you under his/her spell. Once you have the knowledge and education that enables you to see the very truth about this abusive Narcissist, you can remove yourself and break the spell. You have the power to govern your own will and what you will do with your life. You have to take all of that power AWAY from the Narcissist and give it back to yourself. Yes of course no-contact – but when you have to have minimal contact use the truth to really see what is standing in front of you and disengage in your mind from any thought, words or actions the Narcissist sends your way because they are like bullets from a gun and meant to harm! You are an amazing and beautiful human being – internalize this and know you CAN come back from this disaster by making it your goal to move forward and completely away from this abuse! TOGETHER we heal! Start this journey with the conviction that you can and will live again in a world that does know love, kindness, compassion, care and empathy – start with no/minimal contact. Greg