If you are not completely accepting of a Narcissist, if you do not show complete admiration, if you are not a perfect mirror to the Narcissist, you are branded as bad and will be devalued as is the fate of every person that has had any sort of relationship with them – It’s simply the Narcissist’s way of viewing the world and their omnipotent role in it.
From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @http://www.amazon.com
If you have been in a relationship with a Narcissist, idealized and later devalued and discarded, you were more than likely shocked or even blown away at the turnaround or ‘about face’ concerning your Narcissist’s relationship with you. One day you wake up and this Narcissist hates you and is acting out against you, smearing your good name and destroying your integrity to everyone and ultimately trying to ruin your valuable relationships with friends, family as well as your co-workers and career. WITHOUT A DOUBT, this was inevitable with a Narcissist. You did nothing wrong to cause that change and the demise of the relationship you had with them. If you’re not 100% on their page, if you are not completely accepting of them, if you do not show complete admiration, if you are not a perfect mirror to the Narcissist, you are branded as bad and will be devalued as is the fate of every person that has had any sort of relationship with a Narcissist. It’s simply the Narcissist’s way of viewing the world. KEEP IN MIND that you are not dealing with a fully functioning human being that has any empathy for life, or any semblance of morality, or the ability to tell the truth AND you must completely accept their disordered life of lies, and your eventual demise. It is the Narcissist that is bad to the bone and it is as if they ritualistically project their negative and abusive life onto every person that loves them. This includes family and even their own biological children. We have to come to terms that they are pathological liars, psychological terrorists and abusers that destroy lives. With that in mind we have to understand that they are dangerous to our lives as well. This is not a judgment call this is a viable description of what they are or the truth!
Narcissists are everywhere in this world, and wherever they are there is chaos, crazy making, high drama, destroyed relationships, betrayal, lies, and destruction. The average/normal person is aware that something is wrong with the Narcissist but they are confused and unable to recognize or define the situation as the mental health issue it is, or more specifically a personality disorder. They may be working next to you, a neighbor, a friend, family member, a doctor, or in any other number of scenarios.
Narcissists are self-serving chameleons that “shape shift” into whatever they need or want to be to serve a specific agenda they have. They do not have genuinely ordered or consistent thoughts, concerns, or ANY moral codes, it is all centered on their needs. Morality is relative to their desires at any given moment and they act on all of them. In plain English, they are extortionists and use people by manipulating them to get what they can. They have an uncanny ability to seduce to the point of ‘brainwashing’ others. They are also hypocrites in that they pass judgment on others as well as call them out for negative behaviors, when in fact the Narcissist is overtly guilty of these BEHAVIORS and WORSE! All part of the HUGE mask the Narcissist wears to hide the many monsters behind it.
This chameleon nature is a façade or their “mask” that allows them to get by or pass as normal in public, but they are cruel, nasty dictators, terrorists, and abusers in their private lives. They often have incredibly dysfunctional and damaged family lives and it is not uncommon for them to have multiple relationships or ‘past’ partners (that they still use as “extra” supply on the side), or ex’s that they harass and stalk relentlessly. Most have a long pattern of cheating on their partners. They are toxic individuals pure and simple and THEY NEVER CHANGE.
The Narcissist continually ‘back stabs’ people throughout their disordered life. To them it is control and power over others. They will consistently demonstrate their power with back-handed and insulting behavior toward others. They will utilize behaviors like talking people down, or making them the brunt of a rude and demeaning joke, making fun of them, totally ignoring or silencing them, being late for important events, simply not attending or walking out of events, avoiding being a team player at all costs, refusing to consult or ask for help and just acting out ON THEIR OWN SELF ACCLAIMED AUTHORITY. There are absolutely NO RULES that they follow, so there is never accountability either because they simply displace it onto us through blame and shame because the Narcissist is the eternal victim of life.
There is no having a real relationship with a Narcissist, you may be in what you believe is a relationship with them, but they are not in relationship with you – you are only Narcissistic supply. You are only in their life to make them look good or because you are useful to the Narcissist as an object to satisfy a need. Nothing is ever internalized with a Narcissist like emotional bonds, caring, love or EMPATHY. Their world is totally external and everyone is objectified like a shiny new car that the Narcissist drives/wears to make them look however special they feel they need to be. Their image is a fake aspect of their chameleon like nature and it constantly changes just like the chameleon changes its colors to blend into an environment.
The Narcissist constantly violates and steps on everyone’s boundaries albeit physical, emotional, and mental. They follow no rules in life, or respect human dignity/rights, or adhere to any written laws. They will make decisions that are not theirs to make and they will assume that they have the right to use, borrow, or take/steal anything that belongs to others. Ownership is their birthright or so they feel because they are above the normal order of life. They will violate your standing with figures of authority in an effort to cause trouble/destruction or just to “one up” you and they do it in a cowardly manner and BEHIND your back. They are truly extortionists and they take everything and anything they can get their hands on and they do it with such amazing charm. BUT remember this chameleon camouflages itself with CHARM so they get away with virtual murder because they have been doing this all of their lives and they are just that good at it. The people that know the truth about them are mostly their targets/victims and anyone else that falls for them become their minions at some useful level that are also charmed into believing just how special they are. They protect the Narcissist’s lies and disordered life and they are enablers of their abuse. There is only one solution if you know a Narcissist at any level – get as far away from them as you can because everyone will become a target of their abuse and dysfunction. No/minimal contact ALWAYS! Greg