Narcissists intentionally create chaos to MALIGN and debase people! You always feel like you have to explain and defend your every action or that feeling like you are perpetually walking on those eggshells when they are around.

From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @

Once they win us over with their charm and HAVING so much in common with us THEN we will start to see the many roads they take to manipulate us, extort us, lie, dehumanize us, deflect to avoid accountability, and everything else to support their big lie. That is the natural course with a Narcissist or what we call the devaluation stage. EVERYONE will be devalued by the Narcissist and discarded. So, I am going to jump to some of the ways that they do this when the honeymoon phase is over.


Most every conversation you have with them seems to leave you confused and drained. You will be left with the burden of trying to figure out what they have said or basically what the heck just happened. It is like a hit and run accident and you are just left in shock trying to gain a foothold of the incident. A basic conversation can go from zero to a hundred miles per hour and in a direction that puts you in the path of an unavoidable crash, AND you weren’t able to control the direction you were headed in. You ask yourself how did this all start and what led up to it? You will end up spending hours, or perhaps even days, obsessing over the intent of the message or argument. You exhaust all of your emotional energy to accomplish absolutely nothing – it was pre-planned to be this way by the Narcissist. There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to it, but there is as far as it concerns the Narcissist that is controlling you.


Everything they have absorbed or learned about you is now being utilized in a manner to push certain buttons to keep you controlled and under their thumb. They already know how to charm you because they know your likes BUT they also know how to HARM you because they also know your weaknesses and insecurities! The connection with them is built around your very persona and how they can and will manipulate it to control you. There is no you in any of this and there is never a real person behind the Narcissist. Narcissists like psychopaths are always going to pull you in a direction that makes you feel very small AND defective. This is the rhyme to their reason and again that is control!


So, what about these ridiculous and crazy arguments, etc. You could have NEVER kept up with the original conversation (or argument) in a realistic manner because it was basically nonsensical in your mind and had no real basis of reality. But it served a purpose as far as the Narcissist is concerned to deflect from something or the other, or there was an agenda to it, or to demean and dehumanize you – control, control, CONTROL. BUT it served its purpose because it confounded or confused you and forced you to process the CRAZY information with no real success. You will have many rebuttals going on in your head AFTER THE FACT because you feel a need to defend yourself or rationalize what happened. Basically, you are trying to fix the situation, but was it an argument because you really didn’t do anything but yet you feel like you did something, BUT WHAT IS IT YOU DID??


BAM, this is exactly the place a Narcissist wants you to go to – total confusion and insanity. They have drawn from the vast wealth of knowledge they have gained from observing you and use it consistently to maneuver you into a place of confusion and isolation. There are many reasons behind each of these scenarios, but they are basically to manage you down and to control you. However, you will try to resolve this because you feel you need to address what happened and more than likely to defend yourself hoping for resolution but in the end you’ll find that you are the person always apologizing AND always trying to fix things. After a while these crazy arguments will have you stuck in the confusion so much so that you have lost all perspective of your relationship, as well as your value in the relationship. You are always responding to the Narcissist’s crazy making and never participating in a reciprocal or real relationship. You are being emotionally and psychologically abused! No/minimal contact is the ONLY way to start on the road to recovery by stopping all of the chaos to regain clarity and normality in your life! Greg

Posted on March 7, 2017, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. You do feel like you always did something wrong even though you didnt they did it but they do say to you were crazy and were the one with the problems when Im journaling the trauma and the abuse and behavior its definitely a reality check on the person he truely is at times I feel so niave and I was blinded in so many ways


  2. Garnet Skinner-Cox

    Very informative.
    Thank you so much.
    I’m looking forward to reading more.


  3. This explains exactly what happened to me and helps me to get perspective on my non participation, thank you so much, this is so helpful


  4. Hi everyone,
    I’ve never done this before
    So here goes
    I was with my ex-fiancé for nearly 7years
    I’ve been through Hell with this man
    Im finding this situation really hard to
    So what I’m about to say next
    Might sound crazy!!
    Myself &’my ex
    got in to a fight that turned
    Physical. He hit me not only did he hit me
    But he Broke my nose &
    Kicked me in the stomach
    Knowing I was 11weeks pregnant at the time.
    The police were called
    & he has been
    Charged & found guilty of
    Domestic violence.
    Since this event I gave birth to our
    Second child.
    He has been extremely abussive towards me
    & my new son
    Saying that he has no connection to his son
    & that he wants nothing to do with him.
    Even to the point were my son
    Was placed in New born Intensive care
    & his father still didn’t turn up till the 9th day.
    He even refused to sign the birth certificate.
    I’ve been given sole care of the children
    Since this has happened
    He has gone above & beyond to make my life a living hell
    He moved on with another woman
    3weeks after he assaulted me.
    He’s turned his family against me
    He’s now saying that everything
    That he has said & done towards the other children
    Has only been to Intentionally Hurt me.
    He absolutely Hates Me & has stopped
    At nothing to try & hurt me
    I feel like I’m the one that’s done
    Something wrong
    & now that he’s used me enough
    He’s moved on
    He left me with nothing I’m destitute
    He took the house & then mercadise
    So much more has happened
    Im so traumatised


Thoughts or Feelings you'd like to share?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: