HOW did they (the Narcissist) move on so quickly and they even say they LOVE this new person! They haven’t ‘moved on’ in any normal way they just ‘moved over’ to a newer source of supply OR a new shiny object that caught their interests!

From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @ https://www.amazon.com

Today or whatever day you are sitting there and feeling such a debilitating and sick feeling in the pit of your stomach because of something you saw or heard that this Narcissist is off and having the time of their life with a new person is just all about the Narcissist warping your reality AGAIN (AND the new supplies unfortunately.) This is still all about the devaluation that you spent so much of your time trying to reconcile – you believed that so much of this was your fault and that blame lingers in your mind and NOW you believe that this Narcissist has found a new and better ‘love of their life.’ You are still trying to fix this in some manner to alleviate the pain you feel, but now it is only at a distance and you are the only participant. That Narcissist is off and into a new target/victim, so you keep searching for those answers where there really aren’t any REAL answers and only images that lead you back to feeling like YOU were/are unworthy.

 

OK so your Narcissist is sending all kinds of messages that they are in love, maybe they got married within a few weeks after they abandoned you (or if YOU were the one that left the relationship.) First who does that – you don’t meet someone within days or weeks of a breakup and commit to them. WELL a Narcissist does AND probably had that supply on the side the whole time as backup. What I am trying to get at is that this is all about the cycle of abuse – the love bombing, devaluation, discard and then the Narcissist with new supply within a very short period of time. This is just a new person for this Narcissist to cycle into abuse and more than likely they have been searching for, procuring, and building up a harem of new supply throughout your entire relationship with them.

 

SO that pretty picture about the two of them out there and being in love, etc., is that Narcissist SECURING new supply to LOCK into the debilitating abuse PURE and SIMPLE. Call it stage one or the ‘love bombing,’ but it is EXACTLY what you went through when YOU met this Narcissist. You still feel attached at the hip to this Narcissist because you had REAL emotions as it concerned YOUR relationship and probably still love them. Unfortunately, even though the Narcissist was akin to a monster, the love you felt for them doesn’t just disappear when you finally realize that what you loved was an abusive Narcissist. Because you loved them DOESN’T make you weak or anything negative because we all fall in love but unfortunately what we fell into was a trap and con job that was expertly executed and NOW being repeated with a the new target. Your emotions WILL still come into play when you are trying to actualize the truth of this whole mess and especially after seeing that they have moved on so quickly and you are still crawling your way out of the huge void they left for you and feeling traumatized. You HAVE to separate yourself from emotions with pure fact. It isn’t easy when you are so vulnerable, but at least if you can say to yourself that they are abusers and what they have with the new supply is just as unreal as what you experienced, it will start to plant a seed in your mind that will grow with time (and more education) – AND A CLEARER PICTURE about the truth.

 

Narcissists don’t love they secure supply and trap that supply with what appears to be love BUT ISN’T anything near it (as you are getting to understand now). You are seeing your life with them being repeated in the EXACT same pattern. The only coefficient that is different here is the new supply that is NONE THE WISER. That new supply is the new you and will be in your shoes one day. It is just a matter of time until the new supply figures it all out and that could be months to years, but BE ASSURED it WILL happen as it did to you and anyone else that connects to this Narcissist. All of their relationships failed and guess whose fault it was? Well the Narcissist isn’t going to admit that they are disordered and not a fully functioning human so it is ALWAYS the other person that gets the blame. Just textbook logic.

 

Take yourself back and how you were duped into this relationship and you handed all of your trust over to this Narcissist. Did you somehow magically change and become so disordered that you deserved to be dehumanized and abused like you were? NO, NO, NO – this is what abuse is all about as it concerns this predator securing supply. Again it is just using control as a tool to isolate a target, gain power over them and keeping them dancing with the disordered Narcissist. It is objectification and subjugation of a human being!

 

If you ever broke up from a previous and normal relationship did you feel this disconnected and left without any sense of closure? Were you hated as a Narcissists hates their ex’s, or was your integrity destroyed? Only Narcissists do this with astonishing agility to destroy those that they know they have harmed! Just look for the Narcissist’s past and you won’t find it anywhere within reach of the new supply. The Narcissist separates their past from their present for a reason and that is to avoid exposure. You could talk until you are blue in the face to the new supply but you will probably get nowhere because they believe just as you did at one time that THIS IS THEIR SOUL MATE. BUT they do know something is not quite right even now and trust me on this one!

 

So remember, every message you may hear or see is sent to make you feel jealous, hurt you and manage you down more AND to keep you vulnerable and silent. When I look back and piece these messages together I only see ‘crazy making’ and contradictory messages like the Narcissist had to convince many people once more that another failed relationship was NOT their fault. This is nothing new for a Narcissist to have so much craziness around them – this is their out-of-control lifestyle, but unfortunately they HAVE to have a 24/7 source of supply there to drag through their pretend world – and that was all of our roles as it is the new supplies role now. When relationships end both parties usually move on, but the Narcissist does not allow this because they still want to control and demean us and if you partake in any of their messages you will only stay frozen within those messages. But if you allow yourself time to heal and NEW clarity you will see through all of their deceit.

 

The emotions that we draw our conclusions from loving this Narcissist can damage us more and become a driving force especially as it concerns this abuse. There is no closure just tons of messages from a disordered creature that wants you to feel their wrath as well as abuse you just a little bit more to perhaps take you over the edge – I had to deal with this for almost a YEAR. Don’t let it because it will only lock you up in a vicious circle of obsessive thoughts that have no basis of reality because you are dealing with a Narcissist and you NOW know what they are and do. They want to continue to control you and enjoy it with all of their off-color messages and gestures of happiness. The many supporters they SEEM to have are surface friends that haven’t had to deal with their abuse personally as we have so they are clueless and lack the depth to see the real truth. Narcissist don’t maintain or harbor deep friendships, they con, use and abuse. We can’t blame the new supply or dislike them, because we were in THEIR shoes once and look where it got us, BUT we also protected the Narcissist and stayed with them until we couldn’t anymore.

 

In reality you loved the love, because you were the only participant in this relationship. There was a body there with you but it used and abused you and loved the adulation and admiration it saw reflected in your face. This creature extorted your whole life through betraying and cheating your love day after day. Just what would you consider as viable love in your relationship with them? What would you want from this Narcissist that can never love you, more abuse because that is the only thing they have to offer?

 

When you feel the urges to drown yourself with emotions, just remember those emotions were real to you and you are an amazing person that can love but that person you loved was stealing your life through this love. They are disordered and will always be that way. You must separate your emotions from the reality of WHAT they are and build on that aspect through more education. There is NOTHING amazing about them and never will be, they will continue abusing people and tricking all of their little minions that they manipulate as well.

 

The cost of your relationship was a deep psychological punch to your mind and soul that left scars. Don’t ask yourself to justify anything about your Narcissist and new supply as being good or real. Don’t connect to ANYTHING that they are waving in your face at a distance because they are doing it for a reason to protect themselves and fool more people into believing their incredulous lies and disordered lifestyle. Try to stay away from any thoughts about them as it concerns you and the love you felt. Turn that back into yourself and take your power back. Love yourself because that is where you will see the results that will take you on a journey to recovery! No/minimal contact and no peeking to see what is going on in their world. It is a dark and disordered world that you should never look back at. Greg

Posted on January 28, 2017, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. 17 Comments.

  1. Thank you for this insight. I was interested to know if my action of taking kids back to their home country as agreed with my husband could have brought out narcissism? My husband has turned into a completely different person now and can be very heartless and unfeeling now. He has also having an affair which he denies. All the qualities written about narcissism now seem to be fitting. He was also sent to boarding school at age 11

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  2. Hello.the article sounds like my last relationship for 8 yrs.he told negative lies about me to his family and they believed him.he thinks he’s better than anyone.wr fought a lot during those yrs.we have a daughter together.she lives with my ex.my ex is married now.sge seems to want to interfere and control my life.it just takes a lot out of me.anger.fear.hate .anxious.he must of had the new woman on the side for a long time.he always told me I don’t believe in marriage.he brainwashed me.any comments or thoughts would be appreciated.,🙂🙂🤗

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  3. Wow, I see a lot of post about men who are narcissist but I just got out of a relationship with a Scorpio woman (I’m an Aquarius) and many of the characteristics presented here she had. She was very controlling, States she was right all the time, never lied, been thru 3 failed engagements (I was the 3rd) and within two weeks of breaking off the engagement, she was on Tinder…I lost all my boundaries, allowed myself to be disrespected by her and her daughter and can’t believe I allowed myself to stay in this unhealthy relationship. She truly pulled one over on me and plays the victim Pinterest posts that I will no longer look at! Thank you for awakening me to see the game the narcissist plays!

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  4. This was 100% the only blog out there that truly helped me, that seemed to know all the answers. Many thanks

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  5. Wow, this article is exactly what i went through, I was married to this narc for 25years Until I found him out, he had a bouble life. I beleived in him, he was very secretive he wanted that image of being a good honest hard working family man but he is the complete opposite to that image he put out to famly and friends and even work collegues.

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  6. Wow, this article is exactly what i went through, I was married to this narc for 25years Until I found him out, he had a bouble life. I beleived in him, he was very secretive he wanted that image of being a good honest hard working family man but he is the complete opposite to that image he put out to famly and friends and even work collegues.

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  7. This helped me so much! Just what I needed to hear today as a reminder. I’m happy to be out of the marriage and relationship, but still find myself stuck in the cycle.

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  8. Thank you! I can not believe I woke up and saw what I was involved in.
    It was dreadful. Now he’s “ moved on” thankfully but I’m still in the cycle.

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  9. I read and re was your articles to help me through this, they help a great deal. Thank you

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  10. Gosh, I find it so scary that the behavioral patterns of the narc are so, so similar. I finally broke up with mine after a turbulent 3 year relationship. I as warned about him when we started dating but thought I knew better, I knew the real man!!!!! Ironically, only after breaking up did I really get to see the real man, when he allowed the mask to drop. He hit the dating sites hard, the very next day. I’ve since learned he’d been on a “swingers site” whilst we where together. He must have had 5 – 10 Tinder chicks on the go at one time. Desperately attempting to fill the ego void that I had left unattended..
    I don’t know how many women he cheated on me with… Not sure I want to know. the couple I found out about hurt like crazy, including his x-wife !!
    His final discard of me was when stupidly he hooked me back in for a night of passion 3 months after I’d ended the relationship. The night ended with me having said something to upset him, I can’t recall what… I believe I ended up with slight concussion, beaten & bruised… naked and thrown out of his apartment… the following day he broke down crying, declaring how he loved me, the 2nd day after the incidents “did I really have to keep mentioning it?” The 3rd day declaring his love for a new woman he’d met on-line…. Complete crazy making, no logic or understanding possible…
    5 months down the line he attempted to make contact… he was bored, his new relationship isn’t stimulating him like ours…. can we meet? Can we start again?
    Was there something in me tempted? ” yes, if I’m honest. The same temptation I’d imagine one would have to cocaine…
    Instead for the sake of my sanity, my soul, my everything he is now blocked. No reasons – I told him I loved him (this I regret) and now he is gone “forever”….

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  11. Been apart from my narso for 5 months now as I finally see the light. I felt a massive weight was finally lifted I was being so strong and felt happy again. A month ago I had a blip as in he worked his way back into mine and my children’s life by telling us he will change took us out on family days out was coming around every evening to help put the kids to bed promised he would go get help with his addictions the lot! So stupid me because I’ve heard all this before so many times over our 7 year relationship believed it again! More fool me!! Well the true him has well and truly risen to the surface again but his even more vile than before. I fount out that whilst his trying to get back with our family his texting his ex and meeting her. We had a big fight over something really minor before I fount this out but he blew it up big time by trapping me in my house physically and mentally hurting me once again. Then fount out about his ex the same night. I think he kicked off so I would end it again! His backed off from the promises and wanting of us in a snap of a finger because I’ve caught him out and when I asked last night why was you trying to be back with us if you was texting your ex? I got we ain’t even together so what the fuck has it got to do with you?! Fuck off and he put the phone down! I feel like a idiot for allowing him back in mine and the kids hearts who does that? I’ve taken this really badly feeling constantly sick and totally drained but least that is finally the end. I think he knows I saw through him in the end as I didn’t allow him fully back in weren’t even saying I love him whilst he would constantly say it. I feel so ashamed betrayed and sick to the stomach all the time it’s only been 3 days since all this has happened and the more I read about the narriaissit the more I relate and feel a bit better that there is an actual reason behind it all. I just can’t wait to be strong again.

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  12. Cathie Kennedy

    I am slowly understanding/recovering. I have no problem with his new supply or him destroying my mementos from years before I met him. However in the process he has turned my 20 yr old against me. Our relationship seem to change in a day. But as a refocus I realize he was being groomed years prior. That is what is breaking my heart. My husband didn’t even want him to go to college. I wonder if my son will ever contact me. I have made it clear I will not take responsibity for his actions. I wonder and pray someday, I will have a relationship with my son. Or is he gone forever?

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  13. Your words have helped me so much..way more than all the books I have read on this subject. Thank you.

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  14. Wow, you could’ve written about me! This is exactly what happened to me but I got out. Only three weeks ago! I kicked him out. He didn’t see it coming. He was lining up the next one, in fact there were several. He’d always had a few in the background he just kept sweet with nice text messages. I thought I could live with it, that it was his ego that needed stroking until I found out he had signed up and was paying for a dating web site. That seemed to finally make me see sense and pluck up the courage to ask him to leave. It took 5 days of let’s talk and I love you’s (never said during our 3 years together mind you) before I said enough, never contact me again.

    I was a perfect victim. As you say. Loving, empathetic, kind. My husband had died suddenly 14 months before I met him so really I was still very vulnerable. But he was very attractive and talked the talk. I knew right from the off he was bad news but stubbornly pursued it. He lived with me after a year and lived with me for 2 years, in my beautiful home which I accommodated his every whim so he felt at home. I stopped seeing my friends and didn’t speak to my own mother for 6 months all instigated and manipulated by him.
    I am an intelligent and apparently attractive woman but fell hook line and sinker for his lies, manipulation and utter rubbish.

    He made me feel rubbish about myself, that I was lucky to be with him that his ‘normal demographic was dark haired (I’m blonde) and 10 years younger’…. lovely. He constantly told me he’d NEVER marry me. Not nice.

    Yes he thought he was amazing, gorgeous, that he was number 1 in his life! He tried to make out he was like a spy. I’d say more Walter Mitty! Just talked utter utter rubbish. I felt sorry for him, that he had lacked something as a child and I could love him better!

    Am working through it and have an amazing network of very close friends who I secretly kept in touch with and who have stuck by me. Needless to say they are relieved!
    I will get over it but feel like a whirlwind has just swept through my life and I’m just dusting myself down again,
    A huge part of me feels total relief. I will never go back, but it still hurts. That’s the bit I don’t understand, wish I could feel as strong as I’m acting in public.
    Survived the loss of my husband, I’ll get over this.
    But thank you. I hope your words help others.

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  15. This is so true. I’ve been divorced 7 yrs from a stone Narcissis. After dating several woman that he boldly flaunted during the marriage, he did marry one of them. He lives on Facebook posting pics of his new life which I’ve been told. But yet he tries to contact me. Which he can’t because I immediately went no contact after the divorce. This guy only wants a reaction from me. He uses anything and anyone to his benefit. He tried to use my kids and he used his own mother. I recently saw him at an event. His marriage is a cover-up and a facade. It was so weird. He sat in a corner away from his wife and kept staring at me. I made very little to no eye contact with him.
    More important, I realized I’m in a much better place. I’m so proud of myself for saving my own life! 😊
    Thank you for this article.

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  1. Pingback: HOW did they (the Narcissist) move on so quickly and they even say they LOVE this new person! They haven’t ‘moved on’ in any normal way they just ‘moved over’ to a newer source of supply OR a new shiny object that caught their interests! –

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