A Narcissist confounds and confuses our thoughts to make us feel wrong for something we didn’t even do – the blame and shame diversion that manages a victim down to feel wrong and worthless and over time erodes their reality!
From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @http://www.amazon.com
There are many ways that a Narcissist will confound or confuse your thought processes, isolate you, and hold you prisoner without that Narcissist even being in your presence. The Narcissist creates negative messages that trap us in our own heads. Be it raging, accusing, silencing, and distancing themselves from you for days, accusing or whatever they decide to throw your way. All of these methods are hideous forms of abuse to debilitate you/us and make you conform to their rules. They bait us with an argument or accusations, this escalates usually with the Narcissist taking it to a higher level of dysfunction, we are left dumbfounded with their hit and run message, and then they go into the punishment mode by running off or silencing us and we are left in shock or traumatized by the nonsense. LASTLY we are left to our own devices especially when we try to rationalize any of this with our own mind and the ‘poison’ they injected into us.
I was continually baited with nonsensical accusations like being unfaithful (which I was not,) and out of the blue my Narcissist would throw these crazy stories out at me. “I know you are on every dating/sex site looking to hook up!” “I ran into a friend when I was out and they told me that they KNOW it is you!” Then ‘BAM’ the Narcissist judge would sentence me to 3 days of isolation, confinement, and silencing! The argument escalated without knowing the name of the so called witness, proof, or the ability for me to speak. I knew the truth as far as it concerned me, but I also knew that when one of these scenarios would arise that my Narcissist was totally irrational and whatever I said or did would only amount to an attack of rage. I was CONDITIONED to accept these insane bouts of crazy making, accusations, and rage as a part of my relationship. What was my rationale in this, or why did I allow the accusations? Well because I couldn’t escape the accusations or the argument? Yes I did think my Narcissist was insane at times, but I wanted these behaviors to stop and somehow work through these things so we could get things back on track again BUT instead of accepting the reality I adapted my behaviors AND tried harder HOPING that things would change. I was the insane one for buying into all of it and trying to apply some sort of rationale or logic! By allowing myself to justify each of these stories and attacks, I was allowing myself to accept the abuse as my normal.
The Narcissist’s actions are meant to leave us in a very confused and vulnerable state, one that makes us challenge our own mind and reality and then pull us further into the abuse or basic brain-washing and conditioning. You/we throw reality, our intuition, and everything that we know to be true right out the window. Your persona has been eroded by the many mixed messages and confusion that a Narcissist creates and has created (in the past) with so many other situations. All of this is compounded by your ‘emotional connection’ to this Narcissist. You feel real emotions from the ‘love bombing’, but the Narcissist doesn’t feel any emotions, nor do they bond with us and this is NOT a conventional relationship by any means and never will! BUT to us this was real and we believed in it!
The human brain works in a manner that chemicals or endorphins are released in response to something that makes us feel wonderful and that gives us that euphoric feeling. BUT the opposite is true, when the stimulus that made us feel so wonderful is withdrawn from us and the production of the endorphins shuts down causing anxiety and even depression. Just simple Psychology! It is very common that a Narcissist can be so incredibly charming and perfect in the beginning of the relationship (love bombing) and you fall strongly in love. As a result of this AND the Narcissist’s manipulative agenda, you soon become strongly addicted to the immense highs from them and you still want this love available to you. It is an amazing love and MEANT to be that way to start the cycle of abuse! In normal relationships it is reciprocated back and together you BOTH fall deeply in love. But with a Narcissist they dangle this love in front of you and then pull it away and make you basically beg to get it back – they use this love to disable us! The Narcissist is grooming you in this back and forth manner to make you dependent on them. It is dehumanizing how they psychologically abuse a good and loving person to beg for their acceptance and love, especially when they initiated the whole process by tricking us into loving them to only bring us to our knees. There is nothing simple as it concerns being brainwashed or psychologically abused in this manner.
A Narcissist sets this all in motion with purpose and intent. The confusion keeps you frozen in time, vulnerable and blind to the reality that they are managing you down. This is the method to their madness to keep you/us right there with these distorted messages and traumatized while they are away securing other supply, betraying you or whatever they have going on. You are left isolated and attacking your own reality through their words and actions. They start the abuse and you finish it by going through the motions of blaming yourself and trying to make sense out of this darkness they left you in. REMEMBER in the beginning the Narcissist preceded this horrendous managing down (devaluation) with their ‘love bombing.’ We saw it (and still see it) as a viable relationship, but in fact it was part of their agenda to gain our trust first, then objectify us to harvest supply. An object just needs to be what it is, and serve a purpose. If it doesn’t function in this capacity it is replaced. We aren’t objects but the Narcissist has to manage us down, groom us, control and essentially we become one! Stop believing in what was never really there in the first place. Do whatever it takes to reason this out with the truth that you already know and finally break this cycle of abuse that disabled you and has you down for the count. No/minimal contact to completely stop the madness and abuse! Greg