Narcissists have an amazing level of rationalization – but with a Narcissist it is always delusional and self-serving rationalizations of denial and avoidance -or avoiding having to deal with their REAL damaged self.
From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @ https://www.amazon.com
Narcissists are TOTALLY self-absorbed and pathologically selfish creatures but they offset their true nature by being highly charming and welcoming – or better yet very seductive because they know how to pour on that charm to GET what they WANT and NEED. This charm is a highly deceptive weapon that they use on everyone to hide the disordered and abusive person that lives beneath this thin veneer of fake charm and goodness. They are not just creatures that abuse romantic partners – they abuse ALL people that they have any contact with and cause chaos and destruction wherever they go. They could be where you work, in your place of worship, your doctor, therapist, neighbor, relative, etc. – in other words they are out there and in every facet of life and destructive. Narcissists have a constant need for admiration and support to shore up the vast dark void that is their disconnected world. They view every single thing in terms of how it impacts them and them alone or what they can GET from it – everything is an object for them to use – especially people.
They are the ‘SUPREME’ master manipulator and feel an “emotional high” like a drug addict with each new conquest – and that is all it amounts to a conquest so that they can feel the relevance they crave, or better yet addicted to like a drug addict is to their drug of choice. Unfortunately, it is never enough and the high is always short lived just like that drug addict that keeps returning to more and more of that drug of choice. This is a difficult concept to put into words because it isn’t merely a conquest, it is their way of life and how they discard individualism in any person and objectify them to only satisfy their needs. When those needs aren’t met you are swiftly punished, admonished or abused! Whether you are their spouse, 24/7 source of supply, extra supply, or “other’ relationship they have on the side – nobody has any more relevance than the other or significant hierarchy in the Narcissist’s world – we are all just objects or toys for them to use for however long we satisfy them – we ALL have an expiration date!
Their behavior is very charming which can appear very attractive to a person that just meets them or is getting to know them. Unfortunately, this is just their seductive draw (and a trap) that they have perfected to pull you into their needy world as their need object to serve them. They are the most ‘charming charmer’ in the world when they have you in their sights as a source of supply. Narcissists lack ANY and ALL empathy and compassion OR a real personality, it is all a con job to help them achieve their goals. They are unwilling to see or consider ANYTHING from another person’s perspective or viewpoint because there is no such thing as individuality in their world – it is all about their needs and a symbiotic attachment to their victim like a tick that has attached itself to a dog. The only way you are going to remove them and stop them from sucking the life out of you is to remove them completely from your life or wait until they have gotten everything that they can and then they will drop out of your life!
To put this in more realistic terms think of the targets/victims as far as it concerns being a spouse of many years that they have had biological children with. Think about that very spouse that has been a committed and loving partner that has only perceived the commitment with a Narcissist as real and loving and built SOLEY upon this concept. Think of the many years that this spouse has given to being a real, loving and committed partner in this relationship and now imagine that NONE of it was real to the Narcissist and all the lies, manipulation, and betrayal that was only an agenda for that Narcissist to appear to be a faithful and loving husband/wife for the sake of the Narcissist’s image as well as securing all of their needs. It is a huge betrayal for the person that was pulled into this scam and not something that they can just shake off.
They utilize no moral boundaries in their pursuit of admiration and physical activity through their indiscretions with extra supply on the side. Whatever that ‘extra supply’ needs to hear in order to close the deal, the Narcissist will deliver to get their supply and that high AND always in darkness so nobody is ever the wiser. The Narcissist will say and do anything it takes to have this extra supply in the wings, EVEN starting a relationship on the side with ‘other’ supply. Narcissists frequently have several affairs going on at once with no regard for the damage caused by their reckless pursuit of their self-gratification. In time, they may also move onto one of these ‘extra’ sources supply – so in other words they always have someone in the wings. BUT if their activity comes into question by their REAL spouse/partner Narcissists will utilize their specialized talents such as crying and begging for forgiveness, elegantly and seamlessly deceiving without stumbling, saying just the right things at just the right time, and it is all designed to aid in attaining their goal of hiding the darkness of their perverted lifestyle. That committed spouse is only camouflage for the Narcissist to hide their real identity of the emotional abuser they are. BUT remember that a Narcissist can and will rage if they are made accountable so they will easily attack anyone that questions them to avoid accountability and exposure!
Narcissists have an amazing level of rationalization or basically denial. Rationalization means mentally taking something you know is wrong or off base, and re-characterizing it in a way that makes it seem much more acceptable, or even virtuous. Unfortunately, with a Narcissist it is always delusional and self-serving rationalizations to avoid having to deal with their REAL damaged self.
To a Narcissist, betraying a person or cheating is like a game (just like their whole façade) where he/she manipulates or maneuvers people into giving the Narcissist what he/she wants. Unfortunately, it has no special meaning to the Narcissist, although he/she will do everything to make that person they are seducing think otherwise because they are consummate con artists getting at what they want and need. With the Narcissist, everything is a mirror to see his/her amazing reflection to get that admiration/adulation as well as to get something they WANT. But, to get what they want, they will focus on YOU, feeding you what they know you want to hear making you believe you are special, but in fact, you are just one of MANY objects to be used.
So just how do they rationalize that they are just that special? They aren’t even remotely special because they are actually co-dependent on the very things that make them feel superior – us. That façade serves many purposes and they only lie to themselves (as equally as they do to us and probably even more so) when they believe they are just that AMAZING and that we all flock to them to be a part of their world. No dear and amazing Narcissist, you manipulate, deceive, and lie to make YOURSELF believe that you are amazing and you hurt/destroy good and loving people. We figure it out eventually that your world is flimsy and full of deceit and darkness AND that you harm and even destroy people when you don’t get your way and that is why you run away. It is us you are running from or is it the truth about yourself that you are running from? So you see in the end we rationalize with the real truth of who and what they are – but it was the seduction and horrible manipulation that kept us caught up in their game for far too long and that has caused us great damage. Our truth and reality will come back to us because it was and is what is ‘real’ because we were always ‘real’ throughout this horrendous relationship. Unfortunately, no Narcissist would be reading the truth of how disordered they are nor should we be concerned with trying to convince them of the truth because they are in extreme denial – what really matters is our recovery and getting away from them to stop the madness and chaos.
They may have caused us harm and damage but they haven’t really taken our truth, spirit, or love – they disabled it. That ‘truth’ is the start of our road to recovery and freedom – once we actualize this truth and couple it with the fact that they are personality disordered we then acquire that ‘ah ha’ moment and that is when we HAVE to make the decision to move forward or stay in this abusive situation until there is nothing left of us. You are amazing and can and will move forward – tell yourself this truth everyday as well as the fact that you deserve so much more than this and you NEVER deserved to be abused! No/minimal contact to start on your journey! Greg