STOP believing in that Narcissist because there is absolutely NOTHING real as it concerns them and any relationship you have with them!


From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @


  I finally stopped believing when I realized I was compromising my own emotional and psychological well-being when my head just froze up with too much confusion, too many justifications to stretch my beliefs, and bending my emotions too much until they almost snapped in half to meet the Narcissist’s needs. Getting out of this horrendous relationship became my primary and only process because I was constantly spinning my wheels trying to always believe in what only amounted to lies and manipulation in EVERY aspect of this relationship with this Narcissist. This awakening AND the truth was the miracle for me that got me away from this Narcissist.


 This is emotional and psychological abuse in a nutshell, a hideous and destructive daily betrayal by a disordered Narcissist. I wish I could put it into better words for those out there that are still justifying their life away and sinking deeper and deeper in this psychological abuse. Believing them only takes more and more of your reality away and they will take you down all the way if you keep believing in them and leave you with NOTHING! The only direction with a Narcissist is OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP and as far away from them physically and emotionally as you can get.


 All they are doing is delivering their poison with a little sugar to make it go down your throat easier. It is the mix of their lies, manipulation, betrayal or the cycle of their psychological/emotional abuse. None of which defines us as stupid or a fool – it defines them as psychological terrorists! Narcissists are TOTALLY self-absorbed and tend to be highly charming – let’s even say they are pathologically self-absorbed. They have a constant need for admiration, and addicted to their quest to find their ‘relevance’ in any and every person they can source out and harvest even when they are in committed relationships. They view all events in terms of how the events impact and serve them and them alone. They are master manipulators and feel an “emotional high” with each new conquest. So for an example and a quick fix to gain more admiration they may resort to “hooking up” for a one-night stand that requires very little effort on their part (especially emotionally) and it brings them a huge dose of that supply to feed that vast and needy void of a dark life. It is like us taking a daily vitamin supplement to boost our health but a Narcissist takes on lots of ‘extra’ supply for any and many reasons on the side to boost their unhealthy ego – remember supply does not have to be a sexual conquest it could be any number of things that brings them adulation or adoration. None of us have more or less significance than any other person they seduce into their agenda so please stop trying to believe in them and their lies!


Their behavior is often edgy and impulsive which can often appear exciting to people. These individuals lack all empathy and compassion unless it helps them achieve their goals, so they don’t care if they hurt their spouse, partner, girlfriend/boyfriend, etc., because their out-of-control neediness rules their world. They are unwilling to see or EVER consider anything from another person’s viewpoint. They will continue the emotional control with a target/victim until the relationship becomes too burdensome – and that interprets as the non-narcissistic partner confronting the Narcissist or demanding accountability then it is the great departure and annihilation with rage, blame, shame and projection – it is OUR entire fault of course and they will lie even more to justify this and destroy our integrity and just move on as if we never existed.


 They utilize no moral code or boundaries in their pursuit of admiration and physical activity, frequently offering marriage, promises, children, OR literally whatever the target/victim “needs to hear” in order to close the deal and secure supply (both long term and ‘extra’ supply on the side). You only have to wonder why they just don’t live out their perverse lifestyle without us, but they do need us because we shield them by providing a cloak of morality and invisibility by using OUR good qualities to protect them from real exposure – we are just a part of the camouflage they wear. Narcissists ALWAYS find someone and they even develop specialized talents such as crying on cue, deceiving without stumbling over their words, saying just the right things at just the right time, etc. all designed to aid in attaining their goal to find ANOTHER source for supply. There is always a lonely sympathizer out there to buy their lies.


The beginning of a relationship with a Narcissist is so fantastic that one falls head over heels in love and those emotions blind sight us to the very truth that is in front of us because the ‘love bombing’ is the most dangerous tool in the Narcissist’s arsenal. As time goes by, the mask is slowly shifting and shattering, and the true face of a Narcissist slowly starts to emerge. A Narcissist can change in a blink of an eye from a loving and caring person into someone who is capable of cheating, being emotionally cold, dishonest, rude, raging and uncaring. Why? Well let’s just say they are not capable of human emotions so all we are seeing is the false image they are projecting to keep us locked up in their scam! Without empathy and love they are cut off at the knees as far as moving forward to develop anything more than satisfying themselves and they get bored and constantly look for more and better supply. There is NO SUCH THING AS A RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM! It is an opportunity for them to extort all they can from whomever they can trick into their web of pathological deceit.


 Even after realizing that you are dealing with a Narcissistic personality with all the cheating, lying, shouting, criticizing, raging, making fun of you, and all of the other unpleasant things that are occurring on a regular basis, it can still be incredibly difficult to break off the relationship even though you know a Narcissist is not going to change his or her behavior. Their mental hooks are buried very deep in our heads and thoughts of breaking up can create feelings of hopelessness, depression, sadness, anxiety and trauma! Remember the Narcissist has been conditioning us in a manner to confound our every thought and action. It is sometimes an impossible feat for a target/victim to wrap their head completely around just how disordered a Narcissist is so they keep going backwards and searching for answers where there are none. Where do we pull this information from because this is more than likely our first experience with a Narcissist so we defer to what we know about ‘normal’ human relationships and that is as different as apples and oranges?


 Narcissists are unable to put themselves into the place of another person as far as understanding what harm they are causing them. This is because a Narcissist is totally lacking that empathy thing. Narcissists act in very cold and cruel ways towards those who are closest to them because they have no internal mechanisms to filter the harm and disdain that they really have for life – all that they have is that façade and mask that makes them SEEM to be just like us. A Narcissist acts sadistic in the full meaning of the word, being cold and insensitive towards the pain of others. Narcissists simply avoid accessing any mental “tools” that would personally blame them and just deny their behavior is causing great pain, anxiety and depression to the people who are close to them. They justify it with ‘blaming and shaming’ through MORE projection. Basically they feel that they deserve special attention in every aspect of their life. If they go out and have a one-night stand, it is our fault because we haven’t met all of their needs and we better get over it and start serving them in better ways than we have. Plus, they are slippery and slimy characters that aren’t going to admit to anything that deems them accountable for ANYTHING in life. Hmmm, isn’t that a cognitive process that defines them as thinking and knowing that they are doing something wrong and ‘covering’ it up to avoid exposure? Yes, so I would say that they quite possibly know exactly what they are doing and JUST DON’T CARE one iota about people.


 If you are in a relationship with a narcissist and want to end the relationship, the most important thing you need to realize is that you are not really in love with your Narcissistic husband/wife, boyfriend or girlfriend. You fell in love with an unreal image and one that was created personally for you in the beginning of the relationship because they were setting all the images and traps for you with their ‘love bombing.” When the true nature and personality of a Narcissist starts to show up you have already become too psychologically attached to that false and delusional image they purposely created, which makes it very difficult to end the relationship. This was the Narcissists goal! Those ‘love bombing’ emotions is what has you connected at the hip to them.


 You probably feel you will never find another person who can love you as strongly as this Narcissist and ‘ah ha’ that is the grand scheme or manipulation that the Narcissist created personally for you. You feel disoriented and depressed and you are trying to hold on to your relationship and make it work at any cost. But your “love” towards a Narcissist is just an illusion, a mental trap your own mind has gotten caught up in, and the Narcissist created. In reality those precious things you imagine you shared do not exist and never will. It may be hard for you to see this now if you are still with them, but believe me once the fog lifts you will see the truth that supports this in ways that will sicken you. It is the betrayal that destroys your spirit AND trust in the world and that is just another level of this abuse that prohibits you from moving forward to find a better place in your life. This will change!!


 You must take care of yourself, both mentally and physically. The best thing you can do is to end the toxic relationship, which is slowly making you sick both mentally and physically. If you stay with a Narcissist or this cheater and mental abuser for too long, eventually there is no love left, only a twisted version of something that will become a debilitating and destructive routine in your life or a desperate love. Don’t waste any part of your precious life with a Narcissist because the outcome will always be disastrous and destroys so much of you. PLEASE stop believing that you can do anything to change this or fix this. However, you can fix yourself and heal from this if you allow yourself to start on this journey! Go no/minimal contact to start on your journey to recovery. Greg 

Posted on October 1, 2016, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. I’ve read this book and I found it very interesting and accurate to a fault. However – no contact/minimal contact is not always possible. It is a daily battle to simple keep yourself above water and hope time will allow an opening to escape.

    I also wonder how do you know for sure that you are dealing with a Narcissist rather than just someone who simply has moved on without you.

    And as interesting as all this is – there is no real concrete specific steps that help someone dealing with a Narcissist as to exactly how to break away.

    Being in a business relationship (that stated out as an apparent deep friendship) with a small fortune invested in the business – makes it nearly impossible to simply walk away. Seriously – this is real life with real consequences for doing something like that. There must be a way to walk away figuratively not literally and survive this until time allows you to sell and leave.


  2. cheryl zaccone

    I can’t even begin to thank you for this site, and God for answer pray to finally find an answer. I met what I thought was a player, 52 never married, I was the “one” he was waiting for and then the insanity and mind games started and if I told you what he did it would blow your mind. The biggest thing that I will share is he told me we “needed a break so I can see all the things I thought of him were wrong, that he is a good man, and I have insecurity and trust issues he was giving me a few days to think about that and would see me next Weds”…. WHAT – I went into panic, because he never broke up with me, even though I did a million times, but always was lured back. I tried calling him, he didn’t answer his phone, again he always picked up…he emailed me that “I love you, nothing is wrong, we just need a break, relax” So this was on a Weds, on Fri at 1AM I couldn’t sleep and went onto the facebook page of this “friend” of his and there were pictures of her in a bikini and him in a bathing suit in CABO ——she posted they were on vacation – that morning I started the texting even sending shots of the pictures – he said “we are just here for a wedding of a good friend that was planned a year ago, I didn’t want to tell you to upset you”…..OK, you think this would be enough for any normal person to say FU – but I was already hooked like you explained with what I now know was a narcissist -because at this point he already was working on me for a year. I changed my phone number because my family was dealing with my hysteria and didn’t know how to help. Like clockwork, he got off the plane on Weds and emailed me and said I’ve been texting you I’m back I want to see you….I stupidly (but thanks to you know I am not stupid) tell him I changed my number to which he replied :how can you hurt me like that I need to to see you – the lies of that trip were insane, down to they didn’t stay together, nothing happened, they are just friends. I called the place they stayed no record of them. When I called to tell him this he was driving and screamed at me “you are going to make me drive off the road and kill myself, is that what you want”….he told me I needed to go to therapy oh yeah, because of him I spent over $1,000 in psychiatrist bills – one therapist I saw when he was in Cabo told me I was codependant and should just end it with him…I saw this person for years, never liked her much, but went back to her. He then wanted to go with me and guess what – he charmed her and she told me there was nothing wrong with what he did – I said look at these pictures they are a COUPLE at the wedding they are sitting together and her arm is on his leg. He is has been dating me a year, had me at his house for Christmas, he bamboozled the therapist and was loving this so much he paid for the second hour of therapy $100 cash (I paid the first part on my insurance)…..he proceeded to tell me I had anxiety issues and was helping me….I was spiraling down now hard… I couldn’t think, sleep all I did was call my family and friends who would listen, and then I would see him again, they wouldn’t hear from me, and then I would crash again, when I found another lie. . We saw each other less after the Cabo trip but not until now did I realize he had other “supplies”…he kept telling me to call the woman he went with on the trip, she will tell you we are just friends, he called her once at my house, had her on speaker and just said to her ‘we are just friends right” to which she replied yes and that was it. I never spoke…..I finally got her number on FB and called her – guess what ? She was nice, I asked her about Cabo if she got an invitation to the wedding or was she his date. She said she was his date and that she had no idea he was seeing anyone. They were friends for 20 years, but I asked if they stayed in the same room together she didn’t answer. I asked have you’ve been down here this year, and she said yes, she comes down often and stays with him….when he found out I called her he was mad, and denied that she does come down here AFTER SHE TOLD ME….but we weren’t done. We saw each other again, he blamed me …then if that wasn’t enough, I”m driving to work on the phone with him and we were as usual arguing about why this relationship is not working and I asked “where are you” it was 10am in the morning, he said at the airport on my way to Cancun and you are not going to ruin this trip” – I said with her, and he goes yes and our friends, we do this every year…..OK, this is hurting to much to type – because as you say in your explanation above, I could not believe anyone would lie or hurt me like this if they loved me….I kept going back to make sense of it to fix it or tell him off once and for all….I never could and he knew it. I thought he was just seeing her – until I found condoms at his place – and then in his bag that he carried, I even recently found a cell phone in his bag – and scrolled through it and am kicking myself now for not just keeping it, but saw enough of woman on match and other dating sites he was texting and sending pictures of and seeing….i confronted him, he got silent and then yes he blamed me… where does this leave me – 2 nights ago of feeling this will never end, i found this sight and have not stopped reading everything and realizing what I have been through for the past 2 years…abuse. Therapist have called it addiction, codependency, lust – no one told me I was dating a psychopath….There are so many other things I could add, but this is your forum, maybe someday when I heal I can add all the other things, yes there was abuse mentally, but also the times I confronted him on him seeing other woman he turned it to me that I was the one cheating, and pushed me around, locked me out of his house on his balcony on and on I could go…and no one could understand how can stay with an asshole… then there were the 3 times he broke down and cried with me, this tough Jersey guy crying – what was that about? I can’t believe it was fake, do they have moments that they do see they cannot change, and of course by the next day it’s gone….? It’s amazing how I have called him every bad thing he could hear and then just like yesterday after he has been blocked for 5 days I got an email “perhaps you would like to be together for the storm”…we both live in FL – I first felt that “rush” he wants me not the other woman…then I wanted to reply “perhaps NOT”….but your endings of every article NO MINMAL CONTACT stopped me. But guess what if he doesn’t hear from me…he will call or text my son who lives in another state and whom he has never met to say “I’m worried about your mom”…..this is the part I don’t get….what does he need me for, he has a phone fill of “supply”….One question I have that I have seen anywhere on your site, or others – do I let him know not that I found him out that he lies and cheats, he knows that already – that he is a psychopath and narcissist ? I am just at the phase that he is still in my head constantly I want this done and over with….and can you tell me why I don’t just hate him – i would and don’t put up with this from a friend or even family….OK, sorry this is long.


  3. I am drenched in tears! Everything you have said resonates with depth of shear horror… this nightmare I have lived. ..and still haunted, now disabled from the neverending aftermath.


  4. I’m in business with one of these a shave invested my entire life’s savings in it. I can’t just walk away. I wish I had someone to talk to about this. I’ve not been able to find anyone ‘professionally’ or otherwise. It’s not as easy as it may sound. Just walk away. Get out. All that is not so easy. Forget the emotional turmoil I continue to feel every day. It all feels like a trap. A trap I can see a way out of.


  5. So I had my first counselling session and because of your daily emails that I read and totally relate to I had come to the conclusion that ‘he’ is a narcissist. I told the counsellor and she emphatically said he is not a narcissist he is a psychopath! Can he be both? What is the difference? Thank you, your work has had an enormous impact on my letting go of the monster!


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