NARCISSISTS – what they APPEAR to be and what they really are – DANGEROUS AND DESTRUCTIVE TO ALL PEOPLE!
From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @http://www.amazon.com
When most people think of a Narcissist, they picture someone obsessed with themselves, mostly their physical appearance as they gaze upon their image in a mirror with COMPLETE admiration of their own beauty. If that were only the truth, there would be many people in this world that wouldn’t have lost so much at the hands and the destructive mouth of a Narcissist. Most people have never heard of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), a real condition certifiable through every psychological journal that is written out there. The Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) is the handbook for mental health professionals and outlines this specific disorder. Who reads those journals if you are not in the field, so most had to learn the hard way by being abused by one.
Narcissists are very elusive creatures, so you won’t find them in a therapist’s office embarking on a journey of introspection to get counseling for their personality disorder OR their abusive behaviors toward others. When I was in therapy I asked my therapist if they have ever treated a Narcissist AND the answer was a resounding ‘NO.’ A Narcissist will never enter into therapy because they are convinced they don’t have a problem – they may go to counseling for appearance sake only or to abuse medications. How unfortunate for those of us that have endured their manipulative and disabling abuse because they leave behind a high body count of targets/victims. It is the victims that are the ones seeking real therapy and how surreal is that!
ANY type of relationship with a Narcissist will leave a person doubting their own sanity after they have been conned in by them. The target/victim, and there is always a target/ victim, is left in total shock, with their jaw dropping to the floor, shaking their head and wondering, “What has happened?”
Then, try talking about your experiences with a Narcissist or describe the abuse to friends, family, a loved one or even a stranger. If you try to explain the disorder through YOUR personal experiences, people will look at you like you have three heads on your shoulders and none of them are talking or making any sense.
It is highly unlikely that anyone (even those people you tried to explain Narcissism too) HAVEN’T ever experienced someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Narcissists are ALWAYS flying under the radar with many disguises. They are the most CHARMING charmers, and just so nice to people who are in the position to do something for them, or to people who just don’t have any closeness or role in their life to see reality of who and what they are in private. Once you get emotionally close to a Narcissist, THEN AND ONLY THEN do you get to see them drop their carefully crafted and charming mask that hides the out-of-control and abusive creature hiding behind it AND that is after they have TOTALLY fooled and conned you and then it is too late because the damage is already done.
A Narcissist is so seductive that he/she makes you believe in him/her with your whole heart, mind and soul. Unfortunately for all who tread on this emotional rollercoaster with a Narcissist they don’t realize just how dangerous this connection with them is. The charm a Narcissist utilizes creates an oblivious feeling of being connected or very attracted to most everything about them. We can become fascinated with someone because of their physical beauty BUT a charming and captivating Narcissist does not necessarily have to have good looks to draw you in. Good looks, definitely, can increase the magnetic pull towards the narcissist, but that is not at the core of this abuse, it is the manufactured charm that is a psychologically and deceptive tool used to manipulate, condition, manage you down and control you.
They charm people to death (figuratively) and this is what literally attracts us to them. But with a Narcissist it is a magnetism that makes you feel a sort of hypnotizing attraction that manifests itself in your psyche and your soul! In reality you are being charmed by their power of REFLECTING back everything that is YOU creating this intoxicating and deep rooted bond. This intense connection is created when a person gives you the feeling like you’ve known them a long time, soul mates, or you feel very safe with them – perhaps you have known them in a prior life or whatever fantasy belief that Narcissist has instilled in your mind.
This is the Narcissists goal and they are the biggest con artists that exist and they mean to extort everything they can from you. They have unlocked the door to your head and they are planning on using that entry to their advantage. They will move right in manipulate and manage down most everything that is your reality as you KNEW it. A skilled and extreme Narcissist knows just how to reflect your image right back onto you so that you feel like you are almost twins. What’s not to like and trust when you have EVERYTHING in common?
A Narcissist creatively figures out some unique and impressive angle quickly, and one that few people would ever engage in. Basically they are manipulating your emotions. Narcissists can typically outsmart almost everybody. They are always ten steps ahead of you, so much so that it is uncanny. They are very QUICK with these unique approaches and “BAM” they have swept you off of your feet and keep you there. What else is there to do but bask in the glow of this unique relationship! You are undeniably intrigued by everything about them. When your relationship sours because the ugly truth rears itself with a Narcissist, you better duck for cover and be ready for a whole lot of damage control. They are truthfully characters that are akin to Dr. Jekyll/Mr. or Ms. Hyde – or in other words there is a facade that hides a calculating and dangerous monster beneath a very thin veneer of lies and appearances with an agenda to take what they can from your life.
Again they are ten steps ahead of you and have already thought through how you will react and are ready to discredit, disable, and destroy you when they need to. You can trust that they are determined to humiliate and obliterate you to avoid exposure of the truth that they are abusive predators. More than likely they have already started another relationship well before they ended the relationship with you. It is always new supply and they will keep up this abusive cycle all throughout their lives.
A skillful Narcissist can tell anybody and everybody a great story just like reciting a well-known fairy tale because they are some of the greatest storytellers. They can weave fictional tales and lies into a complex story about themselves. They mesmerize you with amazing facts, statistics, trivia, history of events, to the point that you feel overwhelmed and just amazed at their acuity and accuracy. They are always the center of these stories, often re-writing their personal history, and lying to embellish the stories. One thing you can say is that they are hardly boring with their accounts of their amazing world and life unfortunately NONE of it is real and it is concocted to seduce you into their life.
They can incessantly talk and talk about most anything without skipping a beat with their interesting information. They are human chameleons that study human nature, but with a goal to further their power by enhancing their stature and to influence the people around them to get what they crave – supply. Undoubtedly they exaggerate their every claim and position in their life. They are addicted to this omnipotence and we are what they need to use as a mirror to see this amazing reflection of themselves. Unfortunately, what they do in the darkness without a care to the people that love them is also part of the equation because the darkness within always finds its way out. So that charade and their ability to tell an amazing story is really there to cover up their out-of-control and abusive lifestyle so they can fit it by making themselves out like they are above and beyond the ordinary and someone we would LOVE to know.
They lie to weasel their way in and out of any situation and come up smelling like a rose. They are pathological liars in every sense of the word and hide their hideous and perverted life. This is the sad reality of a human connection with them and keep that connection going and the reality turns personally disastrous and destructive as the truth becomes evident that they are not fully functioning human beings and they will take your life down with them.
Narcissists work extremely hard at making themselves believable as it concerns their overt lies and myths about themselves. They arm themselves with a vast array of learned information they have harvested through their observations of other humans. They acquire and then wear, personalize or enhance this information as if it is truly theirs. So what is the goal with all of this? To snag you into his/her Narcissistic lair to make you supply them with the things they need and can’t get because they are a dark and manipulative personality that envies life, love and people. Unfortunately for those that fall prey to a relationship with them, they exploit one of the greatest emotions to manipulate you into a special place right alongside them and that is love and they LOVE you!
One word you will hear as it concerns a Narcissist is that they always appear magnanimous. All that really means is that they have to appear to be the better person that always takes that higher road of being “better’ than you by forgiving YOUR many mistakes and believe me they are judging everything you do and finding fault. They have many rules, regulations and laws that they make everybody ABIDE by, but they NEVER honor these same rules, laws or regulations which make them pathological hypocrites. The reality is they blame and shame you for things they constantly do behind your back. Well really this is projection and they are dumping their shame and blame onto and into you. They will also use their magnanimousness later to trash and destroy you. You MUST look up to a Narcissist so they can look down on you!
It is ABSOLUTELY amazing how a Narcissist can cover their tracks to hide what can only be described as their perverse and out-of-control lifestyle to most of the world. Remember they are not doing this just to be the amazing actors that they are. These are deceptive and abusive personalities that need this disguise to extort people and life using whatever instrument of abuse they can to achieve their agenda – the best words here are that they are cunning, manipulative, and harmful to any person that has any connection with them.
They create many theatric roles to cover every possible range in life to get supply. My point here is that they can also be highly “respectable individuals” in any facet of life like a therapist, judge, law enforcement personnel, a doctor, preacher, or just about anything. They will most assuredly use any power and authority they may have to create intimidation, distance, admiration, respect and even abuse. They are everywhere because their ‘false mask and persona’ is what we see first and not the personality disorder.
It is still operative abuse and they are very aware of what they do and will lie to protect themselves. Awareness is a big coefficient here and that shouts out the very truth that they have the ability to understand that what they do is horrendous and wrong, BUT yet they will not change or admit to their disorder because is serves them. They are in huge denial and will just write you off with many lies and destroy your integrity and hijack your spirit. More than often when they discover that you are on to them, they abandon you and disappear. They do this if they perceive that you can blow their cover and expose them as the abusive creature they are. Being fully exposed to the world is the greatest fear in their lives but the best medicine and cure is to remove and keep them away from ANY part of your life. No/minimal contact. Greg