So Just how did we get here AND how did we fall into the Narcissist’s web of deceit?
From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @http://www.amazon.com
Narcissists adopt and then discard belief systems basically to meet their needs of securing supply as easily as a person would change their clothes to suit a particular “look.” The Narcissist knows that identifying with another person’s beliefs is the basis possible bonding and acceptance or that superficial CHARM. It is a highly deceptive form of camouflage that Narcissists use every day to manipulate people into every aspect of their lives. The Narcissist does this because they lack real emotions and empathy so they mimic or imitate values, beliefs, actions, communication or anything that COULD be identified as having emotions as well as goodness to make the connection.
If a Narcissist can successfully identify with the targets belief, plans, goals, dreams, etc., the target/victim will often succumb to the deception and offer up whatever the deceiver is targeting. With the Narcissist it is total exploitation of the target/victim. The Narcissist employs this tactic with ease like a thief trying to find the right combination to unlock a safe, but with a Narcissist it is unlocking our mind. Narcissists can deceive by quickly adopting ideas and beliefs to meet their agenda to conquer and then abuse. BUT in fact they are not strongly attached to, or form true beliefs and values beyond their own grandiosity and self-importance and vast neediness.
In contrast a normal person can make connections with their own feelings, beliefs, emotions and empathy. This connection with one’s own feelings allows them to develop and live in accordance with real values that allow them to function to include other people in their world. A normal person that has developed a real value system does not violate this system by CHARMING people and HARMING them because of their particular agenda! Society has rules that separate us as the normal functioning human being with the opposite being a non-functioning or not fully functioning human being. Given that Narcissists are emotionally dead, then it follows they lack these internal mechanisms or signals and so they also lack constraint for their actions and impulses, and vast neediness – the Narcissist fits the category of non-functioning human being. They live in a world where they serve every out-of-control need because there are no constraints to stop them from acting on whatever they want. They lack empathy so they just don’t care and are not accountable for their negative actions. People become their objects to use for their short term or long term needs as well as abuse. They live in a theatrical based world where they wear many costumes to ‘fit into’ our world, but for one and ONLY reason and that is to con people into a situation to objectify them to meet the Narcissist’s particular agenda.
Narcissists know how to introduce themselves and engage with another person in order to find out their personal life story, interests, and ask who they are and what they stand for. They know how to manipulate you right into their lair with charm that is really a key to gaining your trust and to open your mind like a safe to find all of the valuables you have hidden away. Many people want affirmation about their beliefs and are open and ca become vulnerable when another person empathically affirms them or identifies with them as having a strong and common connection. This is what opens up our minds to the Narcissist so they can crawl in there and extort everything they can.
Narcissists manipulate others via faking emotions which most people read as being authentic and accurate, and respond accordingly as normal people do. The use of the right “emotion” at the right time opens up the person (target) to the detached and cold Narcissist who is watching from behind their own fake persona, like a predator stalking prey, waiting to seize the person emotionally. The Narcissist’s emotional camouflage is strikingly convincing and fools most people upon who they use it on.
Narcissist over compensate for their devoid and emotionless self with extreme charm or charisma, AND fake personality. Narcissists are seductive by nature and disarm others with seductive charm, talk, gestures, and alluring messages designed to appeal to the victim and connect with just what the Narcissist feels the victim needs at that moment. This is what snares the victim, especially when the Narcissist comes attractively packaged with a huge bow and bright wrapping paper, unfortunately there is no present to be found under all that wrapping and that huge bow – it is just a bottomless, dark and NEEDY empty box that you can fall into.
Narcissists exploit this human need to their own advantage by camouflaging themselves with EMOTIONS to create a connection or an open door to our brain through our emotions and hearts. Manipulation and positive affirmation of our “personal beliefs and likes” induces a form of disorientation, we begin to trust and then our identity or persona is compromised by the Narcissist. It allows us to feel safe, having our values/emotions reinforced and mirrored back to us, and establishes a strong connection and even love. Narcissists know that if they can take an individual in this manner and at this level they have that key to deeply penetrate and manipulate an individual. The victims are hooked and will deeply connect to the Narcissistic predator – simply it is the basic’s that we have grown up with and that is trust, falling in love, or loving a person. Unfortunately, it is not by any means normal because it is the act of the Narcissist manipulating us through mirroring to GET US THERE. It is not foolishness that we fell for this because the Narcissist is really good at this Charm to Harm scenario. What is there not to like about a person that initially treats us with respect and compliments our belief system and shows us empathy?
The unfortunate aspect with a Narcissist is that there is an agenda that follows where they extort and start attacking our belief system through horrendous acts of betrayal, brain-washing, gas-lighting, lying, stealing, etc., to virtually debase, dehumanize and destroy us. This is when the Narcissist reveals their pathology and act upon their destructive nature. This is the cycle of their abuse. This is where the Narcissist’s mask slips and the façade crumbles because it was all an act and the loathsome creature from within rears its fangs and attempts to devour us after they have gained entry into our lives. What is the sense in all of this – none, this describes their personality disorder and their destructive nature. It is not only extorting everything they can but destroying us in the process and to protect their identity so they are not exposed at the disordered person they really are. This was all just a process of being abused – there was never any connection at a human level – just a predator stalking, wounding, and killing its prey to feed!
Narcissists do not only use their charm and destructive manipulation only on partners and in relationships, this is their main tool they use in every aspect of their life. They are in a constant “manipulation/camouflage” mode charming every person in every walk of life. They will easily manipulate any person that can offer them something they don’t have that they want. Be it fame, notoriety, sexual connections, money, gifts or any number of things. Sadly enough this includes mothers, fathers, and brothers/sisters abusing other family member’s even parents abusing their own biological children. It includes work environments where the Narcissist triangulates other employees to damage the work force as well as bosses doing the same. They may hide behind the camouflage of the local church, a charity, political movement, professional group, or corporation. They may obtain a professional degree and have a career or profession such as a doctor, lawyer, preacher, CEO, or in the psychological field. The world is their playground and we are their toys to play with and throw in a heap.
A Narcissist need only join and listen to find out what motivates and drives a person or even a group. Narcissists will then absorb and mimic the dynamics available to them to exploit, pillage, and use every opportunity to take all the supply they can, ultimately causing extreme destruction to the people that they exploit. These are very tricky predators that play hide and seek with the world taking what they want from behind a mask and façade of respectability but behind it is a very dangerous creature that destroys people and lives. Greg