A Narcissist is only as strong as what we believe and EVRYTHING is basically lies to support his/her inflated world. The biggest lie was that word they loosely used or love! They do not know love, feel love, or reciprocate with the love you and I know.

 

From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @ https://www.amazon.com

 

That grandiose, omnipotent and false self is nothing but a concocted and ever changing role or facade the Narcissist creates so that they fit into our world like puzzle pieces. They create different roles to match the needs of the next AND the next person that they are conning into their world. We are only a reflection in the Narcissist’s many mirrors that reflect that grand image back to them and makes them feel real. The Narcissist is incapable of feeling, or experiencing emotions, love, growth or any human dynamic that involves any type of relationship with another. Relationships to them are a means to an end and that is basically extracting supply or conning people into believing they are real participants in a relationship so the Narcissist can extort what they can OR use a particular person to gain something that they need. The Narcissist has fully mastered this dynamic or process of conning the world with the ever changing charades they play with life because the payoff is huge and the only way they can survive in the REAL world. Their image is also important in this process so they APPEAR to be normal, moral and good because they have to keep their personal demons at bay through their projection or the real ugly projection that defines them! They are really great actors that take on whatever role will benefit them the most as far as a payoff! You and I are only bit players that support that role and make them look good until they find that NEW role and new players.

 

This concept is very hard for genuine or normal people to understand because we are wired with empathy, love, trust, acceptance and many other qualities that enable bonding and growth with other human beings – it comes natural to us. The Narcissist depends upon creating this bond through lies, manipulation and that huge façade to gain our acceptance into their world because they harvest people to supply them with ALL of their needs. As rigid as this definition sounds it is merely the truth that any relationship we have with them is based solely on our interpretation of the façade they create personally for us OR acceptance and belief in that Narcissist as if they are REAL! The Narcissist just plays along as a con artist does. The love, dreams, promises, relationship, marriage, biological children, etc., is just part of the fiction as personal and believable as it all was to you! We are just the ‘new supply’ because this Narcissist is fleeing from their last criminal act of abuse and if you think back they were coming out of a relationship and whose fault was it as far as it concerned that last relationship – their ‘ex’s’ fault! They are ALWAYS the victim – and they are akin to criminals because of the disabling damage they do to escape exposure by destroying their target/victim’s integrity and sanity. We HAVE to accept the truth and define them in the realistic light of what they are and detach any and all emotional connection. You could get more love from a rock then you could from a Narcissist.

 

A Narcissist will completely lie to your face, without flinching, and there is absolutely nothing you can do but believe them because you perceive it as a normal conversation and trust that you are talking to a normal and honest person. In fact, the Narcissist does not even consider that their lies are lies at all. They ARE the truth to the Narcissist because it is just part of their agenda and mechanics to con you AND just their lifestyle. It is THEIR ‘game’ and facade that they need to emulate to seduce you into their psychopathy and support their agenda. This is just your turn to be used and abused because of your unfortunate connection. You were at the right place at the wrong time – or better yet at the wrong place at the wrong time and you are now the latest target/victim. You believe them, because we generally believe people and many of the Narcissist’s lies do not sound or feel like lies because their lies are all encompassing and personal as it concerns seducing us into their agenda. As people of empathy we have known relationships, know love, and accept it as part of life so this was seemingly normal to us.

 

There are little lies, bigger lies, hideous lies and everything in between – they are ONE BIG LIE.  Unfortunately, on this journey the Narcissist will betray, manipulate, prey on your vulnerabilities and make you pay for your involvement with them. Their hate and envy burns inside of them and surfaces as if it is your fault that they are as disordered and lack any real internal feelings. They blame and shame you for their indiscretions in life. WHY – because in time you make them face reality and they SEE their REAL reflection in your eyes. They can’t accept the truth so they act out and make your amazing love wrong, and disable it as well as you. When you hurt they feel accomplished in the fact that they forced you to feel their pain as retribution for how the world has wronged them. They will never see anything else but fault in people and life. It would be like trying to house train an alligator and inviting it into your home as a beloved pet. It will eat you when it gets the first opportunity because that is what it does and it doesn’t feel anything but perhaps full after its meal! It doesn’t love you or regret its actions, it just feeds off of whatever it can get – so does a Narcissist.

 

We just don’t perceive most things people tell us as out and out lies meant to deceive us into an abusive situation, YET ALONE a person whose entire premise and life is built on one huge series of lies to extort and basically disable and destroy people through their actions. From the very beginning of your relationship you placed your trust and hopes in them, derived your energy, direction, stability, and confidence from your association or relationship with them AND it was real to YOU. They played right along and even encouraged this special relationship with them, BUT AGAIN this was all fiction and part of their agenda. Unfortunately lying is the Narcissist’s normal and part of their internal mechanisms –  so the Narcissist wonders what the problem is because they pretend to be so supportive, pretend to love you, provide you with the benefits of their amazing charm and personality – so they are providing you a service and so what if it comes with a price? The Narcissist believes they are worth it and then some. You got something out of this so what if they completely disabled your life. If goes far beyond the lies because you are dealing with a creature that is completely void of empathy and can rationalize their lies, betrayal, how they extort your life out from underneath you and everything else, right down to the damage they have even imposed on their biological children because they are malevolent, and malignant abusers or a NARCISSIST. They are cut off at the knees as far as ANY connection or bonding with humans – if they can feel it then it doesn’t exist in their world. They completely walk away from their families without a thought except to blame to avoid exposure or people finding out the truth that they abusers and have committed acts of domestic violence. They will PRETEND to be a loving parent after the fact but that is just more of their façade to maintain that saintly appearance to the outside world and to STILL avoid exposure. This is their mindset and how they are wired and there is no changing them because they JUST DO NOT CARE.

 

The Narcissist creates a viable support system with their minions or cult members that the Narcissist also lies to and they are none the wiser to this creature’s agenda of abuse or that they are participants in shoring up the Narcissist’s façade of saintliness and goodness. The Narcissist creates their own little world of lies and fictitious stories that includes a ‘support team’ or minions that they charm into their life also. So if you were to question anything about the Narcissist and ask one of their minions, they will support the Narcissist’s many lies and say just how amazing they are because they believe the lies also. That Narcissist is a very shrewd and manipulative creature that controls their complete environment picking and choosing the RIGHT people to support that ‘big lie’ that is their life. Within the Narcissist’s support system, he/she also expects awe, admiration, adulation, and constant attention commensurate with his/her outlandish stories, assertions, and lies. The Narcissist uses their many ‘surface’ friends to reinterpret reality to any naysayers to fit the Narcissist’s fantasies AND lies.

 

With the onslaught of social media, you can see just how they network just like a politician to gain support. Simply put the Narcissist easily charms and seduces these minions to carry out his/her claims to be infallible, superior, talented, skillful, and omnipotent. If you were to get real with one of these support minions, they could not tell you much more about the Narcissist except what has been drilled into their heads (the lies!) The relationships are just surface friends that don’t go deep by any means nor will you find any sense of history as it concerns the Narcissist’s past because the Narcissist keeps their past away from their present and vice versa. NOW if you were to connect to the very people that the Narcissist had past ‘relationships’ with (intimate,) you would probably hear the hideous truth about this creature! I sure did – but after the fact unfortunately. Seriously in all of the years I knew my Narcissist I never met ONE friend from the Narcissist’s past because there were NONE. There were lots of stories about these amazing friends but none materialized! After all was said and done in my personal adventure with a Narcissist I realized that our role is to babysit these creatures, entertain them, pay their way, and even play ‘love’ with them until the truth becomes apparent about how dysfunctional and dangerous they are. Unfortunately, we pay a huge debt for our connections with them when we face THEM with the truth. It is sad that we do not know this until the damage has been done and THEN we have learned our lessons and THEN face a horrendous truth and a road ahead of us that we must travel to recover from the attack they imposed on our love and life.

 

Simply put the Narcissist is one big lie that was seamless because they laced it with so much CHARM and basically seduced us into a very damaging and dark world. We believed in them because they used emotions to tie us to their lies and just kept that charm going until we felt a real bond with them. That was the plan or gaining our trust so they could break into our life and use us or objectify us. What a huge production a Narcissist creates BUT again it is just mechanics like a predator after prey – camouflage and all. There is only one direction when you know the truth and that is getting out of this relationship and breaking all ties with them if you can or they will disable your heart and mind. No/minimal contact because YOU are an amazing person that deserves goodness, love and a real life with a real person. Remember that you are stronger than you know and every new day is a sign of your strength and one day nearer to recovery. You ARE just that good to become a real survivor because you won and sent that critter on their way because the truth emanated from the real love that lives in you and THAT is what defeated the abuse or the very thing the Narcissist used to trick you into their dark world. Greg 

Posted on August 18, 2016, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Corina you knew as much about me as I knew about you, it’s never too late.

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  2. After my forty years of serial narcissistic relationships, what I like to call “narcissimy”, I have concluded that there are actually two types of narcissists. The first is the sociopathic narcissist, the one that is most glaring, and the one that is in the news, that is written about the most, and gets the most attention. That type is in reality more of a a sociopath than anything, high on power and control, and truly enjoys subjecting others to their abuse, enjoys witnessing the pain they inflict, and who is actually engaged in consciously plotting to undermine and take advantage of those around him or her. It is fair to say that this type is evil.

    The second type that seems to go unrecognized for the most part in literature about narcissism, whom I’d call unconscious narcissists, the ones who I have had the misfortune of being raised by, married to, and working for, strike me as having absolutely no control whatsoever over the compulsions of their self-centeredness. At their core they are so broken, so shattered, so sick, that they are not only immune to how their behavior is destructively affecting everyone around them, they are completely unaware that they are broken. I believe their behavior is automatic, not premeditated in the slightest.

    This is NOT to say that we should therefore extend unconscious narcissists any sympathy or any opportunity to be in relationship to us. The effects of narcissistic behavior, regardless of its origins or motives, sociopathic or unconscious, are deadly, and no distance is ever far enough away to protect ourselves.

    My theory also explains why narcissists are utterly untreatable. In the case of the sociopathic narcissist, he/she would never voluntarily agree to give up their tactics. They are so very effective, and domination, indeed, cruelty, is what they live for. And in the case of the unconscious narcissist, he/she is truly cut off from any recognition of their own brokenness, has no clue the damage that they are doing to those around them, and therefore neither type have any hope to change.

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  3. Well I have finally found the reason, solution, much wanted peace and redemption for victims affected by these types viz – Psychopaths, Sociopaths, Narcissists, Bipolar disorder, Schizophrenia and more.

    I have been a victim of a sociopath and it was only God’s grace that set me free. Nothing else can.

    Before the must wanted conclusion let me tell you’ll my personal experience in short –

    It will be very disturbing initially to even confirm if a person can be classified with any of these disorders. Our genuine love for them leaves us blinded to the fact that we just cannot categorize them. However with time, spiritual intervention and realization will give us the much wanted answers that we have always been seeking all along.

    Yes, these people do have a very bad childhood and it is sad in reality, however it is not our responsibility to try and uplift an unruptured soul. We will surely fail at it to a point where it would make us doubt our own self nature. Everyone has a choice to make- to seek positivity, happiness and help in all aspects. Dwelling on a bad childhood is not a good sign. Acceptance is a must and such people just do not give in to change. All they want is to live in their own lost superficial fantasy world as long as it suites them. They are toxic and evil vampires who will put you into a web of misery and cause you only strife.

    Initially they will idealize you, study and value you to an extent you begin to wonder why you were so special. You feel a high and like never before. They will confess love too soon, soul ties, true love, deep romance, strong bonds, deep thoughts and this will happen in all forms through exchange of words, gifts and conversations. These people will bring out the best in you initially. Till slowly they being to start the gaslighting and ‘imaginary fantasy’ in our mind of a ‘love story’ with them – None like ever before.
    They will then begin to give you a slight insight into their life and quickly cover it up with a greener grass effect.

    Throughout the process they are constantly studying our weak points to eventually have the heartiest laugh ever. This is done because they suffer so much deep inside that our happiness, goodwill, genuineness and success is something that they envy secretly. The love was always lust. It’s more of their insecurity which they hide and mask a vibrant, bold, carefree wonderful ideal and perfect character.

    Then comes the devaluation phase where they will taunt you, judge you in all ways and criticize you in the sweetest possible way thus making you want to run to them for self pleasure all the more. The truth is that they are so frustrated with themselves that they need a validation for themselves from all sources of supply . They will be immature to play the relationship games of silent treatment, blocking, taunting, triangulation, 3rd party games and more to get their way and can just go to any length possible to have their victims left confused and injured.

    Then comes the grandoise attitude, taunting for personal shine, gaslighting, manipulation, lies, indirect runaway from confrontation, self victimization, lack of empathy, lack of remorse, guilt or shame and a final smash of everything into our court in very strategic ways. Notice this is happen much before you even anticipate it and you have just wished that you had a change to say your piece earlier.

    The much wanted betrayal and discard has begun and you are left totally shattered wondering and trying your best to pick up the pieces of your life. Your will want to seek answers and a healthy closure but it seems impossible…and then the abuser has got he/her hold over you and it’s a ‘Mission Accomplished’ to them. They will move on just as casually leving you bewildered and also make you feel guilty for your real attributes. They will use smear campaigns and victimization to lure you into harmful thoughts. Most importntly they do not have any identity and will move on in life by stealing your identity and this makes them feel good. You can never have a clarification, reasoning or seek responsibility of actions from these types. A closure with a sociopath is rather not worth having. It’s just best to cut them out of your life completely.

    As an add-on look for signs of mental paradoxial signs / dementia in the abuser. They will most likely not have an identity and at most times be associated to objects or organizations where they get a chance to gain control viz – Religions places, Volunteer groups, NGO’s, Pet organizations, Animal welfare groups and more. Their victims will always be the kind and innocent one’s.

    Well am here to tell you something special. This is the start of your life. There was a reason for everything and Praise God you were saved from this monster. These people have and will always do this for the rest of their lives. They seek a lifeline by ruining innocent souls. It gives them sadistic power and a change to see themselves as a better person. It’s not for us to see but the very fact it happened to us goes to show that they are incapable of relationships and this happens to most of their peers. Our genuine self has rubbed onto their totally wicked inner self and this has given them a boost to move on in their life.

    THE SECRET LIES IN THE BIBLE IN CHAPTER 1 & 2 KINGS. IT’S CALLED THE “JEZEBEL SPIRIT”. THESE PEOPLE ARE NO DOUBT INNOCENT PEOPLE WHO ARE AFFECTED BY THIS SPIRIT AND IT WANS’T A CHOICE THAT THEY MADE. HOWEVER IT’S A GENERATIONAL CURSE THAT HAS AFFECTED THIS PERSON AND LIKE I SAID IN THE EVERY START – “EVERY PERSON HAS A CHOICE TO MAKE”. SADLY FOR THESE PEOPLE THEY WILL ALWAYS LET GO OF THAT CHOICE, BECAUSE THEY WANT TO BE THE NEW GOD/GODDESS IN THE EYES OF PEOPLE CONSTANTLY WANTING APPROVAL, POWER, DOMINANCE & SUPPORTERS. THEY CAN NEVER BE THEIR GENUINE SELF NO MATTER WHAT BECAUSE THEY NEVER TRULY REPENT FOR THEIR SINS AND DO NOT WANT TO CHANGE. NEITHER ARE THEY EVER CAPABLE OF LOVING SOMEONE IN A REAL WAY. THEY SUBJECT THEMSELVES TO TORTURE AND VERY CALMLY FLING IT ONTO OTHER INNOCENT SOULS. IT BECOMES VERY IMPORTANT TO SEEK INNER HEALING BY YOURSELF AND SEVER THE UNGODLY SOUL TIE. THIS ENTAILS CONFESSING, ADMITTING, DELIVERANCE AND LIVING A “NEW LIFE”. MAKE SURE TO CLAIM THE PROMISES GOD MADE TO US.

    Getting rid of that person in all ways by maintaining no contact and removing / getting rid of / deleting any trace of them is a must. It is not our duty to change them or be their one in shining armour. It becomes more of our responsibility to let go of them, release them unto God and condemn them completely.

    We were born to be humble individuals to live in harmony and be self sufficient in all forms. No one deserves an abuser of this sort.

    Take time off, it is during this no contact period that you will begin to realize all the red flags and you will get your much deserved answers – Each and every one of them will be answered. The internet space has comprehensive information on ‘The jezebel spirit’ wrt its origin, characteristics, know – how and treatment on the Google pages, forums, blogs, youtube, facebook and more.
    Pray over this, get your answer and run and never look back again. These people are just plain sick and cruel. There’s a better and much peaceful life awaiting you.

    I would like to close by saying that I fell for a sociopath woman and I was deceived multiple times. I was totally blinded to her false charm and love scam. I learned her completely only towards the end. I gave the relationship everything in it’s true real essence whereas she was callous always and almost always casually tried her “extreme love bombing” techniques in the most appealing / deceiving way. Her confessed deepest feeling of insecurity was wanting to be loved but she wasn’t the type anyone could love because she was too much of a mess to everyone around. She was a split personality, rough, bold, immature, selfish, negative, demeaning, disrespectful, a false self, wicked, arrogant and had traits of schizophrenia. She gradually learned all my weak points and damaged them all the more. I was judged and criticized on my favorite passions. She seemed to be happy for me and complimented me in the most exaggerated way only for me to later realize that she was actually cursing me in her heart. She masked her identity on all spaces creating superiority vibes and confusion around. She created a mess for multiple men by stringing them along, including me. The triangulation technique she used was too good to be true and I happened to face this twice. She was a victim at all times but whenever questioned always twisted and turned everything around. She would taunt men to gain their attention and was a compulsive liar. She wanted to feel like a queen at all times and I later realized that she managed to rope in souls to boost her ego and pride. She would seek attention from suffering souls by offering her help and also through her trade by dealing with pets. Happy for her that it gave her a lifeline to move on in life. That was her only redemption. She did not like the idea of humanity and only affiliated herself with people she could use, take, smear and discard. She has conned men including me in the worst possible time / situation / way only to seek the much wanted attention. A closure with such types is just never possible and the end will make you feel that you were the one who was the much dreaded sociopath. Later after a long time I realized that she came from a family affected by a generational curse of violence, divorce, hatred and unhappy remarriages. (The spirit of Jezebel) She didn’t get along with her own mother well. I couldn’t blame her for hating men all along having been brought-up in an unhealthy environment but the truth was hidden in her dark, unruptured soul. I realized that as a normal individual, I least of all deserved to be subjected to someone like her. She just didn’t want to change and her only method of survival was to empty her sadness and frustration onto others which would give her a sense of sadistic relief. She did not have a real heart, felt no empathy, no guilt, no shame and no remorse at all. The height was that she eventually questioned me on my manliness. Long later I realized that she had unhealthy relations with almost everyone. She was twisted in her mind and weird to no extent. She claimed to be naive, wise, intelligent, innocent, understanding, truthful, faithful and more but was exactly the opposite. I never had a decent conversation with her at all. It was just never possible.

    Very honestly I liked this girl a lot and wanted to change her life by simply loving her naturally in a real way but she always wanted it to be superficial and structured to her likings. Her presumptuous and dangerous master crooked mind is something I could never deal with. I failed at trying to save her only to get the worst of it and have my self shattered. It ended with confrontation which they most dread and till the very end she twisted events in her favor and had a master backup to redirect her actions onto me. The truth is that she did like me and so did I, but her miserable attitude and fake self brought me to a conclusion that all she wanted was to smother me and that she was thoroughly envious of me. It was lust at her end and I was a fool for having loved her and wanting to change her life. When I confessed to her that I was hurt by her words & actions, she was rejoicing in joy and boldly admitted that I was hurt. This is where I finally lost it, it gave rise to my righteous humane anger, followed by a decent closure thankfully and I Praise God for gifting me with wisdom and sanity and the post peace of having being delivered from this cruel monster and demonic woman.

    Today I am set free of the misery she came along with and am a new creation. I am back to my usual happy outgoing self and am enjoying life to it’s fullest. Ever since I’ve stopped all correspondence / contact with her, I’ve been blessed with the finest, real and most authentic things/people in life. I can’t wait to love someone deserving and experience the best that life has to offer. I will maintain my self-respect and dignity and not mention her where-a-bouts. Leaving this woman has opened new doors for me in my business, family & friends life, my self and everything that I look up to. After all that I have faced I have forgiven myself and her and sincerely hope that she seeks the kingdom of Heaven to a point where she learns to be a real authentic person and that she changes her ways and not continue to destroy souls. I hope she finds her happiness in all walks of life even though she’s been a pain to me and hurt me. I also hope that God saves these kind of people for all their ‘crimes’ and that they don’t torture other innocent loving people. I’ve forgotten her completely only by the grace of God. I hope this article brings peace to those affected by sociopaths.

    Much Love,
    Calvin Brako.
    (+91 9619474238) India.

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  4. Yes. I won. I saw the hideous creature behind the GQ good looks. He has several hundred minions on Facebook. I have watched, without him knowing, while he charmed other women into a relationship without him posting a thing about being in one. I confronted him with the lies. At first he was shocked I knew. Then the mask came fully off and I saw this creature in full force hatred. I exposed him. He punished me for it. Then he hoovered me, I knew what he was doing, I accepted the great meal he bought, the incredible sex that night, then blocked him from my life. Have not seen or heard from him since. So yes, I won. I got my life back. I discarded the Narc.

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  5. Theresa Craven

    Hello and thank you

    Thank you so much for this article. Very well done and essentially describes any kind of a relationship with a Narc. Keep up the good work….you are making such a difference for those of us that have suffered terribly from this kind of abuse.

    ________________________________

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